Chi-Upper...

"The best way out is always through."
Robert Frost

LIFE'S SHORT: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

One of my favorite books is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. This book made a big impact in my life over the past many, many years.

So many of us want something different than what we have. We want to break free, try new things, expand ourselves, and take greater risks. But I often find, even with myself, that it's the discomfort and fear around the unknown that keeps us frozen into place. The anxiety arises, we feel a little queasy, and tuck our heads right back into the sand.

I think there's a very old biological response happening here. And it's a good thing. Our bodies are always sensing if we're safe and are doing the best to protect us at all times. When the fear response kicks in, the adrenalin starts to pump, our bodies think that our lives are at stake. So our stubbornness to change is an understandable outcome.

But knowing this, and knowing (at least in our rational minds) that branching out into unknown territory isn't going to kill us, perhaps we can stretch ourselves a bit farther in 2007 than we'd ever dreamed possible.

Take my life for example. Most of you know that I am currently hosting a new show with HGTV (airing in Summer 2007). And many of you know that I have never EVER done any acting. Nothing. Nada. Zip-o. So if you think I wasn't shakin' in my boots at the thought of being on television, well you're sadly mistaken. But over the years I had come to know even more strongly that I would be just fine, and that my fears were in no way a reality. Standing in front of a camera, speaking about what I love, would very likely not kill me. The very worst thing that could happen is that they might not think I was right for tv, and they would cancel the project. BEST case, I would have my own TV show!... Well, there wasn't much question as to what my answer would be, and the risk to jump headlong into this challenge is obviously paying off in the most miraculous ways.

Last year, around this very same time (when I first met my lovely producer Amelia), I asked myself some deep and serious questions...

When I'm on my death bed:
• What do I want to look back and see that I had done?
• Do I want to know that I risked it all, made a difference, and lived fearlessly?
• Do I want to look back and wonder what my life could have been if I'd moved into, instead of away from, my challenges?

Ask yourself: Are your fears a reality? Are the things you're nervous about doing REALLY so scary if you look at them from a neutral, God's-eye perspective? Are you fulfilled in your life? If not, what baby step could you take this week, however small, that would be a movement forward?

Keep in mind, the physical response to fear, and excitement, are the same. They feel the same. Perhaps try on a different "story" about your situation... Perhaps you're just "excited" about something, rather than fearful. Restating my beliefs in this way has helped me through many challenging situations.

1. Write down a fear that YOU have.
2. Write down one thing you could do this week to push through this fear.
3. Share your actions in the "Comments" section (at the end of this article).

Your story may very likely inspire someone else to take a risk as well!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." -- Helen Keller

Are YOU in Season?

I got an email from my dear friend Pam this afternoon... She knows me extremely well. And knows my extreme nature.

She so wisely said, "friendly reminder - make sure you're taking some down time to recharge—especially now as it's the winter months where we should be a bit slower so we don't burn out come spring, but rather spring to life!"

Yes, this week I've pulled some pretty long hours, and burned the midnight oil more times than I care to admit. But I can feel a quiet little whisper from inside my cells. They want a slower pace, more late mornings, warm, heavy, grounding foods and a more introspective approach to life.

Living in this modern, industrialized world where our environments are climate-controlled, our foods are shipped from around the planet, and technology allows us to work anywhere, anytime, it's quite easy to get unplugged from the natural rhythm of nature. It's only been in the past 60 or so years that our biochemistry has been subjected to an onslaught of unnatural influences, and sometimes it can be refreshing to take a nice big step back and take a look at our lives from a biological, rather than intellectual, perspective.

If our schedules, careers and obligations were of no consequence, how do you imagine your body would enjoy spending the winter months? The spring? And the summer? How about the fall? Do you think your body would enjoy heavier foods or lighter foods this season? How much sleep is your body wanting? What colors feel the best to wear? How could you make small changes to better accommodate these inner urges?

It may be a foreign concept for you to think about the "energy" of a season, or a food, or a color. It was for me as well... But I've come to see a real and profound connection here. We consume the energy around us, literally and figuratively.

Are you full of nervous energy, and walking around like a chicken without a head? Perhaps cutting back on your chicken consumption for a few weeks, and adding more beef or root vegetables would be an interesting experiment... Are you feeling sluggish, lifeless and "blah"? Perhaps some spicy foods, lemon water and bright green leafy veggies would put a spring back in your step...

Also consider changing your bedding with the seasons, or liven things up by moving the furniture each time the leaves change a new color... Tune in to that small (and oh-so-wise) inner voice that knows exactly what's best for you at any given time.

This week I plan to:
• get 9 hours sleep each night
• make a rich, hearty soup for my dinners
• start my mornings slower—with a warm cup of tea, my journal and some quality cat-time

What 1 change could you make this week to help you honor yourself this winter season? Put your hand on your gut... Ask yourself from a deep inner place what it is that you need in this moment.

Trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. In the stillness of your mind, you have all the answers...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

There's Always Two Sides on the Coin of Life

I found out this morning that my boyfriend is moving back to San Diego next week. Even though I'd discussed this with him several times, seeing the airline confirmation really kicked in the fact that the move is real, and is no longer just theory.

As many of you can imagine, I was hit with a variety of emotions, and have spent much of the morning in tears. As I was walking back from the gym this morning and arrived at the front stoop of my apartment building, I ran into my neighbor, Nancy. Like a little stoop-angel, she gave me several big bear hugs as I sobbed like a baby over my boyfriend's upcoming move.

For the first time in the 14+ years I've lived in my building, this lovely woman opened up and shared her beliefs about God with me. She told me that in times like this she always prays. She asks for support and wisdom. And she asks that she be shown the blessings in her life that she might be missing.

Her words really spoke to a deeper part of me - the part that is always aware of this truth of those words. As we talked, I could so clearly see and feel the duality of my situation. Even as I cried, I was profoundly aware that there was another reality, another perspective, another side of the coin, that was yearning to be discovered and acknowledged.

In every situation, we have a choice as to which side we look at. It's really all up to me, and can be as simple as the toss of a coin... I can choose to focus on my boyfriend's departure, or on the fact that I have a wonderful man in my life who absolutely adores me. I can focus on my credit card debt, or on the unbelievable abundance that continues to flow into my life, in little and big ways. I can focus on the 10 lbs I'd like to lose, or on the fact that I'm alive, breathing, and have the gift of the energy to type these words.

What stories are you telling yourself? What would the opposite side of that coin look and sound like?

Today, write down 3 beliefs that are holding you down. Then write down the flip-side of the situation, even if you might have a hard time seeing or believing it to be true. This practice of "flipping the coin" helps to break the patterns of negative thinking that get deeply engrained into our psyches. Help your brain rewire, and start retraining those more positive brain synapses to take hold and take charge of your thinking and your life!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

The Rubber Band Approach to Enlightenment

There's a belief I have... It was taught to me by my first and most significant mentor. It's the belief that our lives are made up of only 3 things:

1. Our bodies
2. Our minds or belief systems
3. Our physical environment

Through her teaching, I've come to clearly see that these three areas of life are dynamically interconnected. If a change is made to any one of these areas, then the other two areas must follow accordingly. Like a rubber band being pulled outward in one direction, the tension of the movement creates energy that naturally forces the rest of the band to come along for the ride! And as we too well know, if we don't allow the rubber band to move naturally with that movement and tension, it eventually snaps back with a regretful sting and a even louder "OUCH!"

Think of someone who's lost lots of weight: this shift to their physical body most always generates a positive shift in their beliefs about themselves, and quite often an upgrade in their living environment.

And consider someone who's had a profound experience where their beliefs are forever changed... Quite often these people then begin cherishing their bodies, and appreciating their external world in a whole new way.

Or what about someone who goes from poverty to living a life of opulence? It so often is followed by heightened feelings of entitlement, abundance and joy, and once again a deeper appreciating for their health and well being.

This is exactly why I find Feng Shui such a profoundly powerful art. It can be challenging sometimes to make changes in our belief systems. We all know this... Especially when it comes to deeply rooted or long-held beliefs. And quite often it can be challenging to change our health, eating or exercise habits. But through Feng Shui and the art of spatial enhancement, simply a change of furniture, color, and beauty in our surroundings can give a huge yank to our spiritual rubber bands. It can catapult us into places we only dreamed to travel. I'm a living example of this very concept....

So think twice when rearranging your living room, or clearing out a closet. You may be making a change that's much, much deeper than you'll ever know.

Ready...aim...FIRE!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Using Stress as a Motivator

Hosting a TV show is a lot of work. My to-do list is longer than I care to admit. So today as I settled myself back into work after breaking for the holidays, the circuits in my brain started to pop, sizzle and smoke. This feeling of overload is familiar to me. But after so many years of observing the mechanism of stress, I realize that it's an unnecessary emotion. It sure doesn't feel unnecessary when I experience it, but I catch it quicker and quicker these days. Stress is simply a choice, and often an ingrained behavior. The more times we can stop, breath, and switch our gears out of the stress-filled stories racing through our minds, the more centered, focused and productive we become.

In the slow-motion observation of myself today, I saw the following thoughts:
• I'll never get this all done
• There's not enough time in the day
• My workload is never ending
• I could work and work and work without breaks, and still never get caught up!

As I caught these limiting thoughts -- which do nothing but give me brain-fog, scattered thinking and frenzied action -- I took a deep breath, came back to my myself, my inner stillness, and realized from that peaceful place that my life is indeed short. Every moment is precious. No matter what the project, tv show or not, I want to be present in my life, enjoying every chore, check-list and challenge. Without a belief, every action is exactly the same. Every experience is vivid, fullfilling and alive. As Byron Katie often says, without an internal story, we spend our lives either sitting, standing, or lying down. Nothing more is possible, ever.

So what will you do with your experiences today of sitting, standing, and lying down? What stories will you tell about it all? Will you give yourself peace, or stress? It's really up to you...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Lighten Up in 2007

Today I spent several hours sorting through my clothes, organizing closets, and getting things ready to take to the Salvation Army. I want to lighten my load this year, in all areas of my life. And as a Feng Shui practitioner, I obviously have a strong belief that within my very own home lies a powerful tool, and lightening up at home is the perfect symbol and catalyst to make some pretty profound and spectacular changes.

After looking around today, it astounds me how much "stuff" I've collected over this past year. It seems as if every time I turn around more and more things are coming INTO my home, but rarely are equal amounts LEAVING. I've definitely seen a direct correlation between how much I own, and how much leisure time I have. It's seeming more and more as if my things are owning me, instead of the other way around.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about where I want my life to go these coming years. I love to imagine what kind of space the "future me" would like to have... How many clothes would she hold onto? How would her filing cabinets be organized? How would she need her junk drawer to feel? How would her front hall closet be streamlined to allow her the structure and beauty to carry her forward?

This forward-thinking mentality is an important key to my own personal Feng Shui. I've reaped huge benefits from having my home be a step or two (or three!) ahead of me, so that I'm constantly being inspired forward into my future. With the habits that we all have ingrained into our daily thinking, activities and environment, it can be challenging to make lasting changes. And if we happen to be experiencing (or simply just desiring) great changes in our lives, but our spaces still speak to who we WERE, then very likely our homes can slowly but surely pull us back to exactly where we were before our brave changes or hopes were made.

Cleaning and clearing. It's a simple thing, but a powerful thing none-the-less. And we all know that changes, especially to our belief systems, can be challenging. So why not start instead by clearing out a closet instead? Why not throw out things you haven't used in over a year or two? Why not create a stunningly beautiful junk drawer? Worst-case, you've at least surrounded yourself with a bit more beauty. And best-case, you've given yourself a wonderful gift and lightened your load just a little bit more...

When we lighten our loads, the greater our wings can spread. And the higher we can fly...

Ok, are you ready? It's time for lift-off!

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams

What's So Special about New Years?

This morning I was noticing my thoughts - little stresses about my plans for the evening... Whether I would create sufficient memories to savor for years to come, if I would be able to come up with the perfect New Year's resolutions by midnight, and if these resolutions would be profound enough to change the outcome of the upcoming year...etc. etc. etc.

And then I started to laugh an my own internal silliness. I've had this moment of amusement several times in my life, and have (more often than not) found holidays to be a bit absurd. Not that I have anything at all against parties or having an amazing celebratory day. But since childhood I've found it puzzling why we would wait an entire year to celebrate only ONE "birthday", or ONE New Years, or ONE Christmas, or ONE Mother's Day... Why wait 364 days to blow out some candles and eat our weight in cake? Why slosh through 12 months just to spend 1 minute throwing confetti, drink champagne and kissing at midnight? Why not EVERY day? What keeps us from waking up every single day and throwing a party? Why are we always waiting and waiting and waiting for the time that's socially acceptable to shout our own greatness to the world or to appreciate our very existence?

So on this New Years, I'm going to celebrate! Celebrate with gusto, passion and cheers! But tomorrow, I only hope that I'll do the same (perhaps not outwardly, but at least inwardly). Simply for the fact that I'm alive. I have this very moment. I can create the most amazing possibilities with the gift of 24 magical hours. And an ordinary day is far from ordinary for me, and is FAR too precious to let slip by without at least a smile and a big YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!

How will YOU celebrate each and every day this year? Give yourself that gift....

Wishing all of you the happiest day ever! (and many, many more...)

© 2006 Stephanie McWilliams

Using Judgements as Internal Guidance

This week I had a few "less than savory" moments. Thoughts that I'm not too proud of. Behavior that made me think "Have I actually come very far?"...

Have you ever had days like this? If you're human, I'm sure you're nodding yes...

But after years of self-reflection (and even more years of judgemental thinking), I've come to see that these darker moments can be the most amazing gifts, if looked at in just the right light.

When I stop and take a closer look at a handful of my thoughts from this past week...

• My boyfriend shouldn't be so negative
• New York is an intense and stressful city
• I should weigh less and stop eating so much
• My friend should see that her actions are keeping her stuck in negative patterns
• My brother shouldn't be so obnoxious

...and I turn them around...

• I shouldn't be so negative
• I am an intense and stressful person (sometimes)
• My thinking should weigh less (or be lighter)
• I should see that my actions are keeping me stuck in negative patterns (sometimes)
• I shouldn't be so obnoxious by judging my brother

...then I get the amazing opportunity to make a change in my thinking, which is the only thing I really have any control over in this world. When I hold a judgement about someone else, in that very moment I AM being exactly what I'm judging them for. In the moment I'm seeing someone as hateful, I am being hateful. When I see someone as negative, I am being negative. I am doing exactly what I'm wanting THEM not to do. And in that realization I have the opportunity to join with them and feel compassion.

People will continue to do what they do. I can try and try and try some more to change the people in my life, but at the end of the day it always comes back to me. If I think it's so easy for people to change, how about starting with me? How about being a teacher of all the things I'm expecting people to do? How about living what we expect others to live?

I've come to a very VERY humbling compassion for humanity when I've done these "turn arounds". And perhaps everyone is doing the very best they could. And perhaps my own brain is giving me all the tools I'd ever need to create a more peaceful, loving human being right here inside THIS body, THIS mind.

All I know is, if I want peace on the planet, let it start with me. Let me walk my talk. Let me live my own "turn-arounds". Let me do all the things I'm expecting others to do. Let me be a more compassionate and loving human being, just for the simply selfish fact that it FEELS good inside to do so.

What "turn-around" could YOU live today?

(visit www.thework.org for more information)

© 2006 Stephanie McWilliams

Welcome to My Cup of Chi!

Welcome to the first edition of the "My Cup of Chi" Blog, a special place to share your tips, inspirations, creativity or questions.

Enjoy your visit!

Stephanie