Finishing What You Start
I have a funny little habit. I hate to finish washing the dishes. Mind you, the washing of them I still haven't full embraced -- but it's more the FINISHING of the dishes that I resist the most. I've been noticing this silly little urge to walk away with only three forks left in the sink, one lone coffee mug, or 3 empty cans of cat food.
I've thought about this tonight. And I've taken a look around the rest of my life to see where discomfort arises when it comes to "finishing" things. Just this evening I put to bed two huge projects. Complete. Done. Over. Ta-da! The incredible sense of accomplishment in putting these things to bed was well worth the challenges it took to finish them by their deadlines.
So, if I'm feeling so good about finishing these projects, where does the internal struggle come from in other areas of my life regarding the completion of things? What's scary about closing those little open loops? What little self-sabotage might be lurking in order to keep my brain futzing and stressing about all these unfinished tasks surrounding me?
Call the bank...return the phone call...back up the computer...cancel the subscription...learn the new software program...prepare the taxes...
[If you happen to be one of those people who finishes everything, right out of the starting gate, then feel free to skip to the next entry.]
A wise friend Jackie taught me long ago the connection between having a peaceful mind and finishing open loops. Each unfinished task creates chatty mental noise until its completion. When nothing is being avoided, and everything is in it's place, there's the most incredible sense of quiet inside.
In this moment, when I sit honestly with myself, I'll admit there is a part of me that's afraid of peace. Real, profound peace. It's that part of me that has always known stress of some variety or another, and would like to keep it that way for familiarity's sake. Yes, yes, I know... my brain tells me "That's crazy! Of COURSE you want peace!", but my gut and my heart tell a very different tale. I know stress - it's been my buddy for a long, long time. I know how it works. I know the rules. Peace on the other hand is an unknown universe. An appealing one from the outside, mind you. But a foreign land, none-the-less.
How many of us know what true, extended peace of mind is like? How many role models have we had in our lifetime to teach us how? For most of us, never.
So tomorrow, I'm going to explore moving into the unknown a bit more. Sinking in a bit deeper. Take the risk to experience a bit of stillness... Try on a little peace of mind. And finish up some things I've been putting off for far too long. Simply because it will feel so wonderful to have done so.
Feel like joining me in the experiment? What open loops do you have in your life? List 3 things that you've been avoiding, that could make a big impact in your life (or in your mind) if they were completed.
OK, let's get to work!
©2007 Stephanie McWilliams
