A dear friend of mine recently told me: "In our lives, we are either in resistance or flow." I found this statement to be both simple and powerful... and most of all, true.
What we are aspiring to achieve is a fluid, flowing experience through life, much like a smooth drift down a river's path...bending easily with each turn and twist, not going too slow, not rushing too fast. When things veer left, we go left. When things turn right, we float right. That is peace. That is balance. That is happiness. Many of us (and probably more accurately, MOST of us) are in a state of resistance to life. When we see a bend coming in the river, we scramble, scurry and peddle like mad to swim up-river in the attempt to avoid the upcoming curve. We burn energy, we worry, we defend and we panic in hopes to avoid a (perceived) collision or catastrophe. But the one thing we can 100% count on in life is that thing will change. Events will come our way. Situations will come, situations will go. People will be born, and people will die. Jobs will appear, and jobs will disappear. Of that we can be sure of.
But our brains are tricky little buggers. We often times live under the delusion that we are in charge and in control of everything in life. And while I'm a huge believer in manifesting (which I will be writing about next week), sometimes "shit happens", and it's how we embrace life that is truly the deepest blessing...or curse. We either become rigid and controlling, or we learn to bend, flex and flow with life. When we get scared of change, we get brittle. We avoid people, situations, or things that could disturb our tight little world. And you can imagine what happens to the brittle person when surprises spring up - That's right, they BREAK. I dated a man once who had become so rigid that simple things like moving a lamp, cleaning dishes the wrong way, touching germs or eating foods that weren't on his limited "healthy" list would send him into a complete and total emotional melt-down. He deemed this behavior to be spiritual. But all I saw was a man that was controlling and terrified.
Now don't get similar-looking behavior confused with someone who is CARE-ful (full of care) in life. I know people who watch what they eat, are precise with their homes and arrangements and cleanliness, and are conscientious with all that they do and say. But this is NOT to be confused with rigidity. These people are also highly skilled with flowing and flexing with life. They embrace and revel in the surprises and turns. Being THOUGHT-ful or CARE-ful is FAR different that being outright anal-retentive, although on the outside they can often appear to be quite similar.
Keep in mind too that being too loosy-goosy (I can often fall into this category!) is also an imbalance. Flowing with things is different that being all over the place, with no boundaries or containment. Just like the river, we need the bank to hold and hug the water as it twists and flows. Without containment, you have a flood instead of a river.
That being said, how does one embrace "What Is"? How do we learn to accept reality, and welcome change when it sometimes can scare the pants off of us? Ah, baby steps... baby steps...
I like to notice smaller, less dramatic moments in life that support this theory. It comforts me, and helps me see the beautiful choreography of this mysterious world. The Universe is here to support us, and is full of abundance beyond our wildest dreams. The Universe isn't out to get us, or to make us miserable (although often times our life circumstances appear to be otherwise). If we can take a deeper look at the workings of our life, and ask some pivotal questions, we can sometimes see the kindness beneath the turmoil. Perhaps everything IS for our highest good after all....
Let's take the events of my past Monday as a mini-example.
I wake up, with the expectation of my assistant showing up at 10am. 10:30 rolls around and she's still not here. 11 comes and goes. Noon hits and she's no where to be seen. I email several times, no reply. Hm.... I have a choice right now: get my panties in a twist, or just roll with the punches.
A knock at the door. I open it to see my lovely friend, Alana, who cleans my house every 2 weeks... and also a young girl standing beside her. I'm confused... "Stephanie, my daughter was off school, and not feeling well.... so I brought her with me".
"Fantastic! Come on in!"
As I start talking to the 16 year old daughter, she tells me that she's got a cold.... and as we start to talk I learn that her heart's been broken by a recent break up.... sigh... we've all been there! So she and I sit and talk for 3 solid hours. I learn everything about he life, her hurts, her frustration, sadness and anger at her boyfriend, and I proceed to load her up with special teenage-specific pick-me-ups — just the thing for a broken teen heart. We bond. I gain a new friend. And at the end of the 3 hours, mom, daughter and I stand crying in the kitchen over the love between these two, the confusion of puberty, and the misunderstandings between mother and daughter. They hug, I scoot them out the door with goodies in hand, and stand on my stoop waving good bye. What an amazing day. One that I KNOW would not have happened if my assistant HAD shown up. I felt love and gratitude that God so beautifully choreographed the day's events to give me time with this young, hurting girl.
And as I smile and turn to go back inside, I realize that I have no keys...and am standing barefoot in winter, in the middle of Brooklyn, still wearing my pajamas.... You gotta luv that visual.
I look all around, pondering how I can gain access to my apartment. Then I see one of my neighbors halfway down the block. "VICKI! Are you coming, or going?" I find out she's leaving for the weekend, but is kind enough to turn around to let me back into the building. But JUST as she arrives at the stoop, she looks down and gasps! Her keys had fallen from her pocket upon her recent exit and they were lying there on the steps, waiting to potentially be snatched up by the first passer-by. I laughed with delight, as did she, at the divine perfection of my current situation. I could stomp and stew about my current situation, or rather "go with the flow". It took me getting locked of my apartment for Vicki to find her keys. And that's the way ALL of life actually is, although most times it's not as clear-cut as this. But moments like this remind me that there is some sort of higher order. There is some sort of gift to each challenge, whether we can see it in the moment or not.
Now, this is in no way to make light of life's more challenging topics such as cancer, poverty, the loss of a job, home, spouse or child. But when faced with challenges like this, I like to try on a new way of thinking. I like to stretch my mind as if I'm writing a fairytale. If I had to write the story of this tough situation, and the outcome HAD to prove that the world was innately good, what would I write? How would I make up the ending so that it brought a smile to my face and more love to my heart? How could I explain this event so that it might, just might, make some semblance of sense? Call it psychological trickery, or just downright faith, it helps me to be more playful, think outside the box, and stretch my realm of possibilities. And most of all, live a happier, more loving life.
So next time life "hits", try asking these questions first:
• What might the world be trying to teach me in this situation?
• What can I learn through this?
• How can I use this situation to better myself?
• What if this situation was creating an opportunity or gift for someone else, even though I may never know or see the effects... how would I feel about this challenge then?
• If the world IS supportive and kind, how might this situation actually be to my benefit? How could I somehow view this challenge as a gift?
Going with the flow, or swimming upstream — when the river of YOUR life takes its next turn, how will you take the ride?
I say float on, float on, float on...
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