TURNING FEAR INTO FUN!

Hello from Sunny L.A....

I'm writing to you as I fly above from warm and sunny LA. on my way to Salt Lake City, Utah to spend an amazing week at the Sundance Film Festival. What an exciting and exhilarating time for me as I meet so many new and wonderful people, explore new places and stretch myself far outside my comfort zone.

I've thought so often of all of you -- our growing EvolvingArts Family -- and pondered what I'd share this week in the My Cup of Chi newsletter. What aspects of these past few days would I choose to highlight? What tidbits of wisdom have I gained in the past several days? What lessons that I've embraced would you most likely find helpful for your own lives?... Honestly, there's far too much to write during this short flight. But let me begin with my continued amazement at the power of pushing through FEAR...

Fear. That's right. Fear. It's the pervasive feeling that keeps most of us stuck in place, creating the hamster-wheel momentumless spin through life that we all wish would stop, but are just too darn scared to do otherwise. But why is this? Why do we avoid living our dreams and embracing all of life's bounty? Why are we shivering in our britches? Just how bad could it be to "face our fears and do it anyway", as they say?

Reality is far different than the stubborn beliefs that are keeping us in our own unique holding patterns. Deep down, if we're brave enough to be bluntly honest with ourselves, we think that moving into our deepest fears would do us in, poof us into a puff of smoke, shriven us deep into the ground, or make us squeal and bolt for the door. It's these dramatic images and intense emotions that whisper "Stay where you are, play it safe, and everything will be just fine. No rockin' the boat today, baby -- it's a dangerous, dark world out there so stick with me kid, and things will all be fine".

Yet, as a representative of someone who's jumped off the cliff of the unknown a few times now, faced many of my GREATEST fears, and lived to tell the tale from the other side, I guarantee that little voice is a big, fat, GIANT liar. After this week I continue to see more and more clearly the power fear has played in my life, how much it has held me back, how much pain and stress and depression it has caused, and how comically silly these fears are once I've shined the light of bravery onto them. They're nothing. Empty. Powerless. And outright silly.

About two years ago when I first met my Fun Shui producer Amelia, I was your typical "Play It Safe" girl. But I could sense there was more, and I was finally brave enough to tell the world I was ready for it. But even though I had shouted to the Universe "BRING IT ON!", when the real deal came my way... well, I basically wanted to pee my pants. I was scared. I was terrified. I had thoughts like: "I'm not good enough. I'm not pretty enough. I'm not thin enough. I don't know enough. I'll be too nervous. People will find out I'm a fraud. Something bad might happen. I simply can't live through this amount of physical and emotional discomfort." And to be honest, I almost lost the show.

Then one day Amelia called, after a few months of me stalling, waiting, preparing, and hoping the terror of being in front of a
camera (and all of America) would go away. She finally said the magic words: "Babe, maybe this just isn't meant to be". Well, that moment was the longest second of my life. Like the classic "life flashing before your eyes" scenario, it literally happened. But I didn't see my past. I only saw my future. I saw the end - myself on my own death bed - and I had a good long look at that inevitable scenario. How will I feel, lying there at the end of my life, having run from this opportunity? What am I most afraid will happen if I let this opportunity go? How will I feel if I DO take this opportunity, yet might possibly end up failing miserably and making a ginormous boob of myself on national television? How will I feel? How will I feel? How will I feel?".

And it hit me. Like a brick to the head. No humiliation, failure or ridicule could ever top the feeling of letting fear rule my life. So instead of my previous stalling, I started walking boldly forward, scheduling a film shoot, making the plans, and preparing for the day. I was scared, but I did it anyway. I felt sick, but I showed up. I wanted to hide, but I pulled myself together and moved forward.

And the rest is history. My fears were unfounded. And I'm now finding out that when there is great fear, there is also great passion and fulfillment just lurking underneath. We are afraid of those things we care about. We are scared around situations that could bring us the most joy. And so this is what I experienced this past week in LA. Once again, I stepped up to the plate and walked head-first into a whole new level of fears - speaking with people that would previously have rocked me to the core. Talking about ideas and trying on new adventures that I couldn't have even daydreamed about just a few years ago. And here's the great news for all of you: IT GET'S EASIER!!!!

The more we practice moving through fear, the more our mind starts to learn about truth about reality. And trust me, truth and reality are far different that the garbage that rattles around in our brains. You come to see that the fears are unfounded. Life is here to support us if we step up and embrace what things come our way. It is kind, not out to get us. The more we understand this, on a deep cellular level, we become capable of taking on challenges that we previously believed would kill us. We strengthen our muscle of bravery. We easily become capable of great things, great projects, great love, great compassion, and great joy and fulfillment. Life's colors go from the basic 8-crayon box to the super-swank 64 box with the sharpener built into the side. There is a rainbow of complexity and magic and abundance beyond our wildest dreams, just waiting for us to open our eyes and take the needed steps. And all of this wonderment is just a belief away.

So what's your next step? What's your next fear to push through? What one jumped hurdle would bring you immense joy?

I am living proof that it is possible. I have lived in limitation. I have lived in fear. And I still do at times. But I have also begun to experience the very opposite. May you too all march to the other side of fear. Join me on the other side - it's still a bit lonely over here -- we could use a few more members. I'll be here when you arrive!

© 2008 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

ADJUSTING YOUR SPACE FOR THE "FUTURE YOU"

Many of you have noticed that I'm always talking about adjusting our spaces as a way of manifesting in our physical environment. When we create spaces that speak to who we imagine ourselves to be in the next several years, we create a continuous, inspiring, encouraging home or office that helps keep us feeling entitled, energized and focused on our greatest goals. What we think about, we bring about. And our space can have a great deal to do with how we manifest our dreams.

Take a look at your space right now.... What do you see?... How would
you describe it? If your home or office was a person, what kind of
personality and temperament would they have? Is it focused, bland,
empty, Zen, frenetic, lively, intense, bold, pretty, sweet, delicate,
powerful, heavy, light, small, expansive? Put words to what you see and
feel about your surroundings.

Then take a look at YOU. Where are you right now in your life? Where
would you like to be? What traits do you have that are keeping you from
that dream? Where do you sense or notice any imbalances or extremes?

Once you take note of these traits, you can then being to create your
plan, your focus and your intention for your new space. To give a
clearer example, let's take my home as a sampling of what I mean....

When I first started feng shui, I lived with 3 other roommates in
cramped, dirty quarters and sleeping in a bedroom that was 100% stark
white. I was struggling financially, struggling with my weight, and
struggling with my self-confidence. Then I read "The Western Guide to
Feng Shui" and started making my space beautiful. I surrounded myself
with pretty things, rich textures, and inspiring artwork. I added soft
pastel pinks & yellows to the walls. I did the best I knew to do. And I
felt better, I got a great new art directing job, my finances tripled
and I was losing weight! Not bad... not bad indeed.

Then I met my teacher, Jackie -- after helping me manifest a new, more
expansive, mature (and FAR more beautiful) apartment, things REALLY
started to blossom. My space expanded, and my life expanded right along
with it. But I brought all the things, colors and beliefs from the
previous apartment. At least, that is, until Jackie's next visit.

Jackie opened my eyes to what I was creating unconsciously. What I was
most struggling with was self-confidence, yet deep inside I am a
strong, passionate, dynamic woman. My environment (and my internal
mental gremlin) told a far different story. Jackie helped me see that
the colors I chose were still soft and gentle, and where I was wanting
to go in my life was far from that. I needed clarity, focus, energy and
drive. So she helped me design a space that was bold, beautiful and
dynamic. Within no time at all, I saw the effects of this energetic
influence on my life. My relationships transformed, my career was
booming, my income was going up and up and up steadily, and I was
feeling more like the confident woman that I'd always imagined I could
be. It was this design and this bold dose of confidence that I
attribute as a large part of what allowed me to manifest "Fun Shui" so
effortlessly. What a blessing beyond words...

But after shooting a tv show and all the intensity and time that went
into making it, the experience had left me needing more quiet and R&R.
I had been working so much that my space and it's arrangement spoke to
a woman who worked all the time. And that's basically how my life was
going. So once again, Jackie to the rescue! She saw what I needed. She
intuitively felt where I was, and where my body and spirit longed to
go. And she helped me create a space that spoke to that next step in my
evolution and path. With a calm Zen airiness and simplicity (yet with
an equally bold blast of fire and fame!) she's once again helped me
design the "medicine" for my home and my life. I've spent much of this
New Year's time sorting, purging, releasing and repainting in order to
allow my space to once again become an inspiration. Thank you Jackie,
thank you Universe, thank you Megan & Lauren (who have spent the entire
week with me painting my ceiling red!)

My point in telling you this is to help show you:

1. How having help and support when transforming your space is vital.
Even I, a feng shui practitioner myself, need a neutral outside party
(just because I can see other's homes clearly doesn't mean I can
necessarily see my own blind spots). We all need that external mirror
to help reflect our imbalances, shine a light on our beauty, and to
inspire us out of our comfort zones and on to the future that awaits.

2. How important it is to always be open to the flow and change of
things. As our lives unfold, our homes must too in order to provide us
with the forward inspiration we so desire. Your space will NEVER be
done. As long as you are alive and breathing, your home will be
evolving right along with you...

3. The powerful results that can be achieved through powerful shifts in
our environment. I believe in feng shui because it has worked for me. I
believe in feng shui because it has changed my life. And there's
nothing better than that...

2007 NEW YEAR'S GRATITUDE HOMEWORK

This week, as we move forward bright new year, I find that it's important to honor our past as we pave the way for the future. Take some time between now and New Year's eve to join me with some "Gratitude Homework" before 2008 begins.

Take your journal or a piece of paper, and answer the following:

1. One challenging situation from this past year that you would handle differently if it arose again
(giving gratitude for the wisdom you learned through this experience!)
2. Three challenges that gave you an opportunity to learn and grow and become wiser or more compassionate
3. Five ways in which you have changed for the better since this time last year
4. Seven people you are grateful for in your life, and why
5. Nine things that brought a smile to your face

Sit in silence for 5-20 minutes after writing this list. Sit in silence – in joy and gratitude – for the gift of this past year and all it's joy, laughter, tears, and challenges (which often times are the greatest gifts of all!)

Now shift your energy forward into the coming year. Sit and imagine yourself 1 year from now and write down three things that you most wish to change, accomplish or create in this coming year. (Write the statements has if they've already happened.) Sit for as long as necessary to find the 3 things that speak most to you, that fill you with joy, and bring the most excitement at the thought of their achievement!

1.

2.

3.

Now copy these three things again onto two other pieces of paper - one to carry with you every day of this coming year (in your purse or wallet) and one to display prominently throughout the year - either on the bathroom mirror, your dressing mirror, above the kitchen sink, by the door that you exit to leave for work, or wherever you will see it on a daily basis. Even though you may have hundreds of things you would like to see change over the next year, picking just three will help keep you focused. Changing even one major aspect of our life can have powerful, ripple effects into every other area. Other things besides these three will naturally manifest throughout the year, but staying focused on your major goals, over and over and over on a daily basis, can bring about the most lasting, dynamic changes.

What you think about most, you bring about!

When you've written down your three 2008 resolutions, email them back to us! I'll post them to my blog so you all can be inspired and connect with others that are working toward similar goals...

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

10 SURE-FIRE TACTICS TO FIRE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE

Feng shui is manifesting at it's best. It's a way of inspiring our minds to think more about what we DO want, and less about what we don't. When we create a bedroom that's already built for our perfect partner, we're more likely to bring that person into our life. Here are 10 quick feng shui tips to help add a spark to your current relationship, or help bring in the partner of your dreams.

1. REMOVE ALL LONELY, SOLITARY OR DEPRESSING ARTWORK
Objects that remind us of being alone can keep us stuck in solitary relationship patterns

2. INCORPORATE SETS OF TWO'S
By placing objects together in sets of two, it inspires thoughts of partnership and togetherness

3. ADD ROMANTIC IMAGERY
Bringing in sculptures, artwork, photos or objects that inspire thoughts of love and romance can bring a sizzling spark to an otherwise loveless space

4. CREATE A ROMANTIC ENVIRONMENT
Adding things like candles, soft fabrics, tactile surfaces, warm, sensual scents, soothing sounds and mood lighting can heat up a cold environment

5. INTRODUCE SENSUAL COLORS
Using warmer skin tones or fiery colors into your space, especially your bedroom, can add warmth and inspire sensuality and intimacy

6. REMOVE DISTRACTIONS
Keep televisions and exercise equipment out of the bedroom or keep them covered behind screens or in cabinets. These items can distract you from the business at hand: ROMANCE!

7. FRESHEN UP THE ENERGY
Try replacing your bedding each year to keep the bedroom energy fresh and alive. Another great rule of thumb: replace your mattress after every major relationship so that the energy of your past doesn't unconsciously haunt your future relationships!

8. REMOVE ALL THE BLOCKS
Remove any blocks that you may have unconsciously placed into your home. Look for clutter behind doors, cabinets or dressers placed in tight hallways, or furniture arranged awkwardly so that it's difficult to maneuver. All these things can unconciously sabotage relationship efforts.

9. LET GO OF THE OLD TO MAKE WAY FOR THE NEW
Holding onto old, depressing love letters or sad memorabilia and nick-knacks locks stagnant or negative energy into our home and life. By releasing these, and surrounding ourselves with only things that inspire us forward into our ideal future, we easy can manifest the partner of our dreams.

10. BUILD A ROOM FOR TWO
As they say, "If you build it, they will come". Same goes for bedrooms. Make sure the room is built for two, with equal space on either side of the bed, two nightstands, two lamps, and a nice sturdy headboard to support a relationship.

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

THE NO-FAIL APPROACH TO KEEPING YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

Sticking to our goals can be challenging, especially with all the distractions in our fast-paced, modern lives. By using feng shui to create an inspiring environment, especially designed with your specific dreams in mind, it can become a non-stop manifesting machine, guaranteed to keep you focused, inspired and on-track with your 2008 goals.

1. REMOVE ALL THE BLOCKS
When we have unconscious blocks in our space — small, cramped and cluttered entryways; narrow halls filled with cabinets, bookshelves or shoes; awkward furniture arrangements; doors that run smack into walls — that often will show up symbolically as road-blocks in our lives. By removing the clutter, rearranging the furniture, and adding mirrors to tight spaces, it inspires movement, openness and abundance into our lives.

2. CLEAR OUT ALL THE CLUTTER
Everything in our space is talking to us on an unconscious level. Let's just pray that it's all saying something nice! By clearing clutter, fixing broken objects, and removing those items that tend to hold us back or evoke negative emotions, we lighten our emotional load to make way for something new and magical.

3. SIT IN THE POWER SPOT
When we sit in the "Power Spot" (which simply means the area farthest from the entrance to where we can see the expanse of the room), we naturally and instinctively feel more empowered. When our major furniture, such as our couch, desk and bed, all sit in this strong position, we naturally feel strengthened to face life's challenges head-on. This instant ego-boost can be just the trick as we begin taking risks and living big.

4. MAKE A SPACE FOR WHAT YOU WANT
As they say, "if you build it, they will come". Same goes with our dreams and aspirations. Make sure that your home or office accommodates your deepest desires. If you want to lose weight, make room for the exercise equipment. If you want to paint, clear a spot for an easel or drafting table. If you want love, build a romantic hideaway.

5. INCORPORATE VISUAL AFFIRMATIONS
We all know that to manifest, we need to think about what we desire. So what better way to do this than by filling our homes or offices with imagery, artwork, sculptures, vision boards, photos of personal heros or objects that trigger thoughts of our desired goals? These subtle visual cues can help us keep on track with our manifesting wish-lists.

6. CLEAN WITH INTENTION
Cleaning is a fantastic way to freshen up our home and remove any stressful, depressing or stagnant energy from the past. But while you're doing so, keep in mind that our home is a direct reflection of our thinking. The intention we put into our environment radiates right back at us. So when you clean in a stressed-out mindset, you create more stress. When you clean from a peaceful state, you create a home that feeds you more positive energy.

7. USE "UNCOMFORTABLE" COLORS
Often times we are our own worst enemies, and we will design our homes to keep us stuck and stagnant. We tend to lean toward objects, arrangements and colors that play it safe and prevent change and movement. By stretching ourselves our of our comfort zones, and trying on new colors that inspire new, dynamic emotions, we can help nudge ourselves from our ruts and get things flowing in the right direction.

8. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH WHAT YOU LOVE
When you live with only what you love, arranged with intention and purpose, you set up a supportive, nurturing, inspiring environment. This becomes like a living incubator for your dreams to grow and blossom.

9. DESIGN YOUR HOME FOR THE FUTURE
By using feng shui principles to design a space that's built for the "future you" — who you will become 2 to 5 years down the road — you surround yourself with the constant reminder that your dreams are already a reality and that you deserve abundance, which will magnetize you to the people, situations and objects you desire.

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

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A PRAYER CIRCLE

Please join me in creating a healing prayer circle for my new dear friends, Diana and Josh, in Las Vegas, NV. As you read the amazing email I received from Diana on the blog posting below, you will hear of their current situation regarding her husband's health.

Please join me daily in the next many days, weeks, and months as we all focus and picture Josh surrounded in white light, in perfect health, with a perfect, clear, pink, happy brain! See him spending a long and lucious life with his adorable wife, Diana. See him as healed. See him as strong. See him as happy and healthy and energetic. See it so real and tangible that it gives you chills and you're smiling with delight.

I ask that you join this prayer circle simply because when our minds, as a collective, hold a similar image or intention, true magic and miracles can occur. This is the powerful of prayer...and of love.

Thank you, from myself, Diana and Josh.

With deepest gratitude,

Stephanie

THE POWER OF LOVE

“Lets go on a Phish Tour for our honeymoon” was what Josh proposed to me a few months after we got married in April 2003. I was already head-over-heals in love with him so I said “sure.” Boy was I in for a Phish culture shock! We had a great time but during the trip, I noticed Josh was not as talkative or social. Josh wasn’t sure what was going on but agreed something was wrong since he didn’t feel “right.” After flying home, we met with the doctors and they dismissed his complaints and said Josh was just recovering from the honeymoon and was having jet lag. Not convinced with the doctors’ diagnosis, Josh pushed for an MRI. MRI showed a tumor and what happened afterwards was all a blur. I remember rushing to the ER, meeting with the neurosurgeon, Josh under the knife, surgeon telling us the initial pathology report shows tumor was benign, and then the official pathology report a day later saying Josh has the worst and most aggressive brain cancer (Glioblastoma multiform). This was the beginning of our emotional roller coaster. Those affected with cancer knows what I’m talking about- one moment things are going well and the next, you’re in the ER for either seizures, blood clots, head pressure, tumor regrowth, weakness, etc. Our lives are lived from one MRI to the next. I truly now know what “living in the moment” and “living life to the fullest” means. When Josh was first diagnosed, the oncologist told us the typical lifespan of patients affected by this GBM is 6 months to 2 years. Let me tell you, the ride home was very quiet.

I believe it was fate that Stephanie’s and my path crossed. I had been watching her show on HGTV and was interested in what she had to teach. I was curious to learn what we could do to make our living environment more comfortable, uplifting, and inspiring. Hummm……. Well, Josh spends most of his day at home; his full time job is no longer a database developer but a brain tumor warrior! How can I transform our home to be the “healing hub” for Josh? We already have:

1) Prayers from friends and family and strangers from almost every religious background.
2) Doctors and medication/treatment working for Josh.
3) We have Duwayne & Mui (very close friends of ours and one of Stephanie’s biggest fans) religiously visiting every weekend for energy work. (Shockras and realignment of meridians)
4) Feng Shui (why not!)

Stephanie has taught us a lot through her show. Her show is the only HGTV show that has gotten me off my fat behind and actually rearranging furniture, clearing clutter, CLEANING! The most amazing feng shui exercise for me was going through our medicine cabinet (our personal pharmacy because Josh requires a lot of meds) and throwing away expired drugs, questionable bottles, etc. Second exercise was going through mountains of medical bills, health insurance claims, medical files, etc. This chore has been on the back of my mind for so many years and it felt so good to just mentally cross it off my to-do list. We’ve learned the kitchen (which is the center of our house) is the health zone and we are trying very hard to keep that area clean and de-cluttered.

I decided to go to Stephanie’s website and contact her personally. I told her what we were going through, and she wrote back. Then she called us personally to see how she could help. We spoke for about an hour. Stephanie told us that her father had gone through a very similar cancer struggle and was given a 3-month life expectancy, yet was still around 15 years later to tell the tale. So she gave us her parents’ number in Indiana, hoping that their story would inspire Josh and myself.

I was such a privilege to speak with Stephanie’s parents (Judy and Steve) and boy was my heart filled with warmth and peace. These people are out of this world! Like Stephanie, they were very compassionate, kind, and funny! Steve had the same type of cancer Josh is fighting and they’ve gone through the emotional roller coaster we’re going through. I had a huge sense of connection when speaking with them. Judy and Steve gave us advice on nutrition, meditation, and provided a lot of support.

This whole Feng Shui “thing” has gotten me to think about a person’s emotional state as well. Josh, my hero, is always upbeat and smiling. He’s always smiling because he’s surrounded by people who loves him, he’s in an environment that he’s comfortable and happy, and he doesn’t get himself into stressful situations. His attitude has contributed to his well being since this past July was his 4th year anniversary fighting this cancer.

Our friend Duwayne states, your home is where your friends/family visits, foods are consumed (to nurish your body), and if you’re lucky, a place you spend to relax and renew yourself from the outside world. It only makes sense to me to make our home as comfortable as possible and Feng Shui accomplishes this goal…its designing your home with a purpose! Cheers to Stephanie and her show for helping improve people’s lives and homes. She has definitely touched our hearts and we are so grateful for her inspiring chi.

—Diana (Vegas, NV)

9 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO USE FENG SHUI FOR WEIGHTLOSS

1. MAKE SURE YOUR KITCHEN ISN'T THE FIRST THING YOU SEE
Since our home is always talking to us and sending us subtle, unconscious messages, try to avoid seeing a kitchen or the site of food upon entering your space. Many women who struggle with weight have homes that have kitchens right in the entrance to the space. If this is your situation, try diverting the visual focus into another room by using color, dynamic artwork, or welcoming seating arrangments that help distract focus away from the kitchen and pull you more quickly into another part of the home. If these tips seem impossible, try hanging screens or adding tall plants to help hide the kitchen from first glance.

2. CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOTHES CLOSET!
That's right. Your closet may be making you fat. If you're holding on to clothes that are 2 sizes to big, far too small, or simply out of fashion, you're sending yourself messages that many be holding you back from your weightoss goals. By holding onto these items, they whisper messages that who we are today is not good enough. These items make us focus more on our weight, and as we all know, what we think about expands (no pun intended). We want to focus on optimism, joy and loving our bodies for where they are today. When we keep our thoughts on positive topics, we draw more of THAT to us. Think thin, and that's what you'll get.

3. REMOVE IMAGES THAT ENCOURAGE EATING
Whether it's images of larger people, or imagery of food itself, these all can send the message to eat more and more. By switching out artwork that speaks to who we wish to become in the next 2-5 years, we're far more likely to achieve those goals. Try adding artwork of energetic women, dancing or in movement, with the body type that you most admire. These objects can provide lots of subtle inspirations throughout your day.

4. HIDE THE TV
We all know that spending endless hours in front of the boob-tube can turn us into couch potatoes. And we all know what shape potatoes are! By arranging our main living spaces to inspire socialization, joy and movement, INSTEAD of TV watching, our lives can't help but reflect this change. Creating arrangements that aren't a shrine to a TV, but instead are created to inspire connect, communication and socialization, can add extra energy and optimism to your life. The more we're movin' and shakin', the less weight our bodies will hold.

5. CLEAR THAT CLUTTER
Our homes are a direct reflection of our bodies. When we have excess clutter, it creates stagnancy. And that symbolically can show up as stagnancy on the body in the form of excess weight. Holding onto things that no longer serve us simply weighs down our lives (and our bodies). Take a look at everything in your home and office and make sure that it inspires you and moves you forward in life. This purging and clearing process can be cathartic when struggling with issues of weight.

6. MAKE EXERCISE AND MOVEMENT FUN!
As they say "if you build it, it will come". Well, that couldn't be more true. If there's something in your life that you'd like to be doing, but simply aren't, make sure there's a space for it in your home or your life. If you're wanting to lose weight, make sure that you've created convenient ways to bring movement into your daily routine. If you have the space, incorporate a gym or dance floor into your home. Find a gym that's close by, find neighbors who will join you in nice long walks... If your exercise routine isn't convenient and fun, you simply won't do it. And let me again stress the FUN factor! We all know that using exercise as a way to beat ourselves up or feel bad about our lives is all the emotional stress we need to find ourselves standing in the fridge, eating peanut butter out of the jar with our fingers. If you currently have an exercise routine and it's absolutely no fun, your assignment is to STOP. Find something today that's fun and feel's like play. Children are naturally tuned into their bodies and work movement effortlessly into their daily routine, and NOT as "exercise" or "calorie-counting". And guess what? They're naturally thin! Try making FUN the first priority and see if the weight doesn't start coming right off.

7. BEAUTIFY YOUR KITCHEN
When we struggle with weight, often times we've turned food into our enemy, and considering how delicious and sacred food can be, that's a darn shame! When we embrace food, make friends with it and actually ENJOY it, taste it, smell it, chew it, and delight in it, we can hear our natural body signals. Like a naturally thin person, embracing the dining experience allows us to hear what our bodies are geniunely calling for, eating when our bodies are hungry and stopping when they are full. Start by sorting through your freezer, fridge and pantry. Throw out all your old or freezer-burned foods. Then go through the cubboards and find ways to make things more beautiful. Try glass jars that allow you to see what you have, and creates the most beautiful experience when you open the doors. Delight in your experience with food, get fresh flowers for the table. Find any way to give yourself a positive experience in life.

8. INCORPORATE COOLING COLORS
Color studies have shown that wamer tones such as reds, oranges and yellows tend to heat up our desire to eat. Cooling colors such as blues, greens and blacks have the opposite effect and can act as appetite suppressants. Consider incorporating some of these cooling tones to placemats, wall or accent colors, or even to dishware. As we all know, relying only on cooling colors to lose weight is not the answer. But this can be a nice added touch to the home to support your weightloss goals.

9. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH THINGS YOU LOVE!
Feng shui is simply the art of creating environments that help you feel as good as you possibly can. When you feel uplifted and hopeful, everything in life goes much more smoothly and we live more abundant lives. When we surround ourselves with beauty and with nothing but objects we love, arranged mindfully and purposefully, we can create supportive, healing environments. When your space is constantly telling you "You're supported, you're beautiful, you deserve love, you're thin, you're WONDERFUL!" we begin to show up that way. If you follow this last tip only, you will be doing great feng shui!

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC


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FAN LETTER:

I was so moved to receive this email, and wanted to share it with all of you. Thank you to this writer, as well as all the rest of you out there that are changing your lives, becoming more loving, opening yourselves to vulnerabilities and possibilities, and overall becoming fabulous, wonderful people! Cheers to you all....

"Stephanie...
6 months ago I got engaged. 3 months ago I moved from my single-gal apartment of five years--a place I loved, painted and charmed to my own personal perfection--into a new apartment in a lovely neighborhood, with the promise of room for my soon-to-be husband and soon-to-be life. One month ago I got married and my new husband moved in. My first roommate in at least 6 years. And a boy, no less! And just 4 days ago I turned 30.

A lot of change.

The energy is this new place is all out of whack. His boxes (and things) are everywhere and we're having such a time joining our lives and possessions. Not to mention, we're living in half of an old Victorian house, with great high ceilings--the same ceilings that gave the illusion of much more space. We are cramped! Only two bedrooms, one of which is his office--with his files littering the hallway as he gets organized, and my clothes desperately short on closet space. I've still not taken the time to pull out my paper and make my diagram and figure out where the energy is going, where each area falls, and what I can do to keep things moving gently. The place feels crazy (and so do we).

All of this is simply to explain how I found you! We were watching HGTV when Fun Shui came on the screen. I haven't had cable in years, and Darren knows how much I love that stuff, so we kept the channel in its place and watched the episode where you worked with the actors on their dining room. I got online to find you because I so loved the painting you did for them, I was hoping I could commission one for Darren and me. (I still haven't found the answer to that question!) It was so lovely. I loved the figures, the golden colors, and the couple intertwined with the crown all alongside. We're both trying to make progress in our careers, gain fame and good reputation, yet our bond to one another is at the center of it all. You're so incredibly talented!

So anyway...hgtv.com leads me to your bio. Your bio leads me to evolving arts. Evolving arts leads my to My Cup of Chi. And suddenly I'm absorbed in your blog and facing all of the issues and energies that I have cast away in this last six months of drastic life change. My relationship with food, same as you, same as nearly every woman I know--has resurfaced as a means of dealing with the continued stress. (And complete identity struggle. Who am I now?) My spiritual connection to God, naturally, is inversely related. Food up, God down. And even an issue I was trying to pretend had nothing to do with me was tossed right in my path through your post of Byron Katie's video.

So in effect I am only writing to say thank you. it's been a while since I've been reminded of the simple beauty in following a trail your heart sends you down. Each post I stopped on was exactly what I needed when I needed it. And as a result I'm inspired to ditch the clutter--in our new home, in my heart, in my health--and clean it all out to create a clear channel to God again.

Maybe you know it, maybe you don't, maybe sometimes you forget--but your collection of your thoughts makes a genuine difference to people you've never even met before.
I thought you should know. Be reminded!
— Fun Shui Fan"

FUN SHUI Q&A: Our Health and Our Homes

Chris writes:
"I LOVE YOUR SHOW! I need help with the health area of my house. I have lived here 3 years and my family is having a great deal of trouble staying well. I then looked at my floor plan. The center of my house is nothing but stairs. They go up to the 2nd floor, and under them, they go down to the basement. I feel like this does represent our health - up and down! How can I fix the stairs without moving me or them?"

Stephanie's Answer:
Chris, this is a VERY common problem with many houses - staircases in the middle of the home. Health issues can come from a number of different issues in life, usually stemming from more than one particular circumstance or scenario, but strengthening and grounding the center of your home can add a nice support as you heal.

If you watch the episode on December 28th, we touch on this exact situation briefly. In the meantime, go to this article on my website:

http://www.evolvingarts.com/article_5elements.html

...and look up "EARTH" - all the tips listed there can be great adjustments to help ground the center of your home.

Also consider the following when you have stains smack in the center of your space:

• If you have artwork hanging on the wall leading up the stairs, hang them in horizontal lines, not in diagonal arrangements. The diagonal visual line created by this sort of arrangement just enhances the up and down movement of the stair's energy and speeds up the already fast-moving stairway "Chi". As many ways as you can create horizontal lines in your arrangements, the better!

• Try adding a HEAVY stone, flowerpot, urn or any other extremely heavy object to the center of your home near the base of the stairs. This helps give a weight to the space, grounding that unstable stairway energy.

• Try adding still, strong images of mountains — the emotional reaction we have to these types of images is very stabilizing

• If you see the stairs immediately as you enter your home, either add something lovely and lush (perhaps a healthy plant in a large heavy vase) to draw your eye there instead of up the stairs, or create a powerful visual in another room to help draw your attention into that area instead (you can do this by using inspiring colors on the wall, adding eye-catching artwork, or inviting seating arrangements - all will help pull your attention in the direction you desire).

Another thing to consider in terms of health is the literal "healthiness" of the items within your home. As I said before, health issues can come from a number of different direction — emotional stresses, genetic dispositions, poor diets, depression, environmental toxins, lack of exercise or movement, imbalanced environments, etc. Knowing this, we can do what we can to heal in all these areas. But let's focus for a moment on solely the objects within your environment. And I'll start by telling you a brief story about my own experience in this arena...

About 8 years ago I moved into a gorgeous, BRAND-NEW renovated apartment. It has new floors, new ceilings, new walls, new cabinets, a new bathroom, new paint job — you name it, it's new! I was thrilled about this lucky turn of fate, and moved into my gorgeous new home. It was balanced, it was open... with tall ceilings, clean lines and a shiny new penny feel. From an energetic perspective, I thought this was ideal. It had none of the leftover stagnant or negative energy from the previous tenants. Being quite sensitive to energy, this was a huge plus! But within a month of moving in, my optimism started to change.

I started getting sick. Very sick. I was getting the flu every 1-2 months. This continued for over a year. Until one day I woke up sick, and I didn't get better for ONE ENTIRE YEAR. I did radical dietary adjustments, popped 10,000 vitamins, ate organic, exercised regularly. And slowly I came around. But every since then I've yet to have the energy I had before this move.

Now that I'm involved with my current Bau-Biologie studies (creating sustainable environments that are biologically healthy), I'm more and more understanding the harmful effects of the building materials contained in that newly gut-renovated apartment of mine. That "new car smell" that so many of us love are in fact deadly chemicals. The laminated cabinets contain loads of formaldehyde in the toxic glues that bind the plywood underneath. The paints contained high levels of VOC's (volatile organic compounds) that I could smell for months. The floors were treated with more toxic surface coatings and chemical-filled glues underneath. Then I filled the space with veneer-finished furniture and a new sofa and chairs.... EVERY SINGLE ONE of these items outgasses chemicals into the air, sometimes for years...or forever.

Try some of the following in your home when you're doing your next redesign or remodeling, or are struggling with environmental sensitivities:

• Use no-VOC paints — SafeCoat is a great paint product if you're looking to stick to more typical color palettes

• Get solid wood furniture — these don't contain the poisonous glues found in most all laminated or veneer furniture

• Buy used furniture — if you can't get solid wood or super-healthy furniture, buying used is a great alternative! It's had time to outgas much of it's chemicals so they are less harmful to your system (your local craigslist.com can be an invaluable resource for fabulous used furniture!)

It's important to research and educate yourself on everything you bring into your home. When you can, support companies and organizations that provide sustainable and healthy, chemical-free products, like Gaiam (www.gaiam.com) or Green Nest (www.greennest.com) or Green for Baby (www.greenforbaby.com). These and MANY more like them are becoming more readily available. The more we support products like this, the lower the prices will get and the more that will become available. For those who HAVE the financial resources, I encourage you to GO GREEN whenever possible. You pave the way for those less-financially-fortunate that will follow. And as we all know, money talks!

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams

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JUST FOR FUN: Turtle Love

Meet my new friend, Edwin. He came and introduced himself [rather suddenly] at a course I took two weeks ago in Florida. Here we are sharing a strand of lettuce over a plate of salad. I believe it was love at first sight...

THE STORY OF STUFF

I HIGHLY recommend that everyone take a look at the following online movie. It's eye-opening, timely and is the information that can help transform our lives, our communities and most importantly, our planet!

www.StoryOfStuff.com


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LAST WEEK'S BACHELOR PAD EPISODE

Chris and Zulie Cassaburi, recent newlyweds, gathered together with a friends and family to celebrate the airing of their episode last Friday night as America watched Chris transform his bachelor pad into a home for two (and Zulie couldn't be happier!). Share in their excitement as they opened their lives to the cameras to celebrate their marriage and their future together!

Thanks again, Chris and Zulie! We all send our very best to a long, happy life together!

With love,

Stephanie

All Photos © Dave Harris

The Town of Allopath [www.Mercola.com]

Here's a humorous and powerful video addressing the state of health and nutrition in the world today, and our relationship with the food & drug companies.

This is a must-see, simply cut and paste the URL below into your browser. And make sure to join Dr. Mercola's newsletter and mailing list at the end for up-to-date and cutting-edge information:

http://mercola.fileburst.com/Flash/Allopath/newsubscribe.swf

HERO HIGHLIGHT: William McDonough & the "Cradle to Cradle" Concept

Wiliam McDonough is my new hero! His groundbreaking work and unbelievable influence is shifting the way major industries are working and producing, including heavy-hitters such as Gap Inc., Nike and Herman Miller, to name a few. His environmental approach is shifting peoples' focus toward ways we can BENEFIT the planet through commerce and consumption — SUSTAINABLE design — not just simply slowing down our damaging effects upon the earth, which is a radical new shift in thinking.

I'll be writing much more about William McDonough, and others like him, as well as about Bau-Biologie and what we can do to make a difference.


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KATIE'S CORNER: Jealousy & Love

Here's a great video clip from Byron Katie and her amazing and powerful process, "The Work". This work is by far has been the most transformational experience I've yet to have in my life, and I hope you're as moved as I am with her work. Enjoy!

A Special "Gift" for Christmas!

I just received this email from William and Jennifer Coleman. For those of you who follow the show, the Green Baby's Nursery was one of our most popular episodes yet! Well, the adoption process is complete! And now we actually have a gorgeous little face to go with the bedroom transformation. Her name couldn't be more appropriate for this holiday surprise for these two amazingly caring, dedicated parents – it's GiFT. Gift Coleman. She's 2 beautiful years old and is currently living in Liberia. And once her passport and visa are all finalized, she'll be on her way "home".

Now, how can you and I use the inspiration of this story to make our own difference? What positive thing or experience could you add to the planet, to your surroundings, to your family, or to a stranger today? What gift do YOU have to give?

Congratulations William and Jennifer! (Have you two ever considered adopting a 37 year-old red-head from Brooklyn?)

Lots of love to you all!

Stephanie

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

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FENG SHUI Q&A: How to Avoid a Stinky Kitty Box

QUESTION FROM LINDA:
"I saw a litter box on your show that looked like a plant. Do you know where I can find one?"

STEPHANIE'S ANSWER:
I'm glad you enjoyed this addition to the last episode! Often times when we put special attention or intention into small objects in our home that usually go unnoticed you get more inspiration to keep things clean, tidy and in good working order. Same goes for the cat litter box.

There are several other "hidden" kitty litter boxes available. You can simply google your description, Linda. I also just did a quick google search and found this one on sale for you - hope this helps!

Tuscany Hidden Plant Litter Box for $89.95:
http://www.petsbestproducts.com/

MEOW!

HOW "PLAYING IT SAFE" IS DOWNRIGHT DANGEROUS

I'm typing this at the Philadelphia airport. I've just left an amazing PR Mastermind Summit where I was surrounded by successful, inspiring, generous and creative entrepreneurs. There is something magical about surrounding yourself with people who have surpassed where you are, who have achieved things you've only dreamed of, and who have polished and honed skills you've longed to perfect. This sort of community raises the bar to what is possible, showing you in living color that all you've dreamed of is, in fact, quite attainable. I saw people embracing new information, stepping out of their comfort zones, and humbling themselves to embrace feedback. Today all of us were standing on the edge of a new possibility. Some of us will be taking the leap off the edge in the hope and faith that some thing (or some force) will be there to add lift to our new found wings. Others may stand with their feet firmly planted, never to move. Either is perfect, although one path leads to expanse and freedom, and the other, fear and resistance. But every opportunity, whether expansive or not, provides insights into our next needed steps, the chance to see our limits more clearly, and another opportunity to do it all differently tomorrow.

Every moment of every day, sometimes subtly and sometimes not, we are given the opportunity to soar or to stand. Fly or fall. Run or walk. It's simply a choice of whether we let fear or faith lead the way. This is in no way to make light of how challenging life can feel at many moments. Many days in my life it was a huge accomplishment with a troop of angelic applause that I merely got up out of bed. ("Stephanie's out of bed...Can I get an Amen?".... "AMEN!"). But what makes us take either path when those more challenging moments present themselves on a prickly platter? Very likely it's that snide and sneaky belief "Something BAD will happen if I fail or feel this discomfort". This terror touches every topic from the fear of heights, public speaking, romantic breakups to the ironic flip-side — outrageous success. We've come to dread this physical sensation that we so plainly label fear. But is that factual? Is it truly fear? ...or rather the buzz of an exciting new adventure?

Until this past year, I too spent much of my time avoiding discomfort and dodging the drama of my perceived obstacles. I tried every technique, philosophy and modality I could to remove my inner angst so I could get on with leading a life I'd love. I tried, and tried... then tried some more... only to find those nagging, gnawing, palm-sweat shakes would always be there to greet me as I moved toward any new unknown.

Did you notice that my writing style just changed from present to past tense? So what shifted to put those fears in the background, and move me toward a more fear-free place? Good question. And not one that can be answered in this short format. But what I CAN tell you here is that I can testify from this side of the mountain is that it's not as bad as you think. Actually, it's not bad AT ALL! Quite the opposite. And I only wish someone would have taught me as a child that the knotted ball of buzzing in my belly was merely excitement and newness and the energy of possibility. After running from the buzz from 36 years, I've come to see that the monster that was chasing me was merely my shadow. Once I turned around and faced the light, it disappeared into nothingness, leaving a much stronger, sassier, wiser woman in it's place.

But does it ever go away for good? Honestly I'm not sure. But the beliefs AROUND the sensation absolutely are moldable. Do I still feel that buzzing? Absolutely... any new situation still sends my hands shaking, palms sweating and voice quivering. Why, just today I stood in front of this new MasterMind group only to have this same old reaction come up once again. But what I can tell you is that the mere act of moving through it dissolves it into the most empowered powdery kiss. What's different about me today is that I was willing to embrace a challenge, where I normally would have kept quiet, pretended to have it all together, avoid embarrassment at all cost, and...well...basically, played it safe. But today, in front of all my peers, I exposed my humanness and my pretty imperfection. The strength I've gained from shooting Fun Shui this past year has given me a whole new respect for any "perceived" discomfort. Having moved through some of my greatest fears — public speaking, being in front of a camera, and teaching to the masses — I've grown strong. I no longer need people to see me as perfect. I am human, I have feelings, I have great strengths, and I have an equal number of weaknesses. But I'm finding this is what makes life quite juicy. It's the merging into our greatest hurdles that give us our greatest triumphs.

I welcome all of you to pick one discomfort, fear or hurdle - no matter the size or intensity. Even a mild stretch to one person can be an enormous stretch to someone else. As long as we continue to move and morph and grow and change, we stay flexible, open and fluid.

Please post your triumphs over fear -- big or small -- here in the blog so others can become inspired by your action, and gain strength enough to embrace their own...

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC
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A STRESS-FREE HOLIDAY: GUARANTEED! 7 Simple Tips to Remove Holiday Stress

It's that time again... time for gatherings, celebrations and lots and lots of cheer. But are you wondering how feng shui and the holidays go together? Simply put, feng shui is the art of designing and arranging our environment so that we feel as good as we possibly can—and of course during the holidays feeling good is at the very tiptop of all our wish lists. So let's take a look at some quick and easy ways we can decorate and energize our spaces to ensure the most fabulous holiday season ever!

1. ADD GROUNDING & CALMING DECORATIONS
As we all know, color is an important part of the holiday festivities. We bring in sparkling & star-shaped decorations, brightly-colored accessories, red accents, blinking lights, fireplaces, candles, pointed evergreen trees and lots of playful figurines—all of these items falling into the "fire" element category in feng shui, and all meant to inspire celebration and holiday bliss.

Even though many of us thrive in the intense energy so common to this time of year, this fiery intensity can evoke more stress than joy for the rest of us. While all these bold decorations are festive and fun, also try bringing in grounding, earthy colors and elements such as glittering golds which can have a stabilizing effect on a space and help balance all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. Also consider incorporating calming and cooling deep blues and water elements, which can add a relaxing effect and help calm the nerves.

Other decorative ways to incorporate more soothing or grounding influences into your arrangements might be to:
• paint an accent wall a shimmering gold
• incorporating a golden yellow table cloth or earth tone napkins
• add sparkling golden ornaments & decorations in earth tones such a pumpkin, goldenrod, and chocolates
• exchanging red or brightly-colored, blinking tree lights with cooling blue or calming white strands
• try adding more mirrors around the home which have a soothing, watery effect, especially over fireplaces.
• adding soothing water features, cut-glass decorations, or reflective glass ornaments
• decorating the table with a glass bowl centerpiece full of water and floating candles

2. INCORPORATE ALL THE SENSES
So often the hustle and bustle of the season, along with our already-overloaded schedules can keep us up in our heads, instead of in our hearts. To help stay calm as well as connected to all our loved ones, using feng shui to help incorporate all your senses into your holiday decorating can be a fantastic and uplifting boost. When all the senses are present and enlivening, it automatically creates a grounding, soothing, and comforting effect on the body. Sensuality within the home's design helps bring people together and stay connected.

• Cook cider and cinnamon sticks to fill the home with a warm, welcoming scent
• incorporate fir and evergreen scented candles
• try adding 5 ml of natural essential oils into 1 gallon of paint which adds a soft, subtle yet inspiring scent to your rooms through the holidays as well as the rest of the year!
• Mix a new set of holiday music that fits all of your guests' ages and tastes to help liven up the mood, yet soft enough to allow conversation.
• incorporate relaxing background music to your holiday cooking, cleaning or shopping.
• Decorate with soft, cuddly throws & pillows in your gathering spaces.
• add flannels and warm wools to the guest room bedding.
• Arrange bowls of nuts, candy, dried fruit and other treats throughout your gathering space.

3. CREATE INVITING ARRANGEMENTS
Creating inviting seating and decorative arrangements in Feng Shui helps to send subtle, unconscious messages to your family and guests. It tells the world how open you are to receiving, and to embracing those who walk through the front door. When furniture is placed in an inviting manner, and your home is laid out so that you can comfortably and safely move through the space, it helps draw energy into your environment, as well as stay focused on embracing your loved ones during the holidays.

Holiday Alert: people in small, cramped spaces may get very feisty! Especially when entertaining large groups, try opening up your seating arrangements by clearing the space of any sharp edges, excess furniture or over-sized coffee tables that could block the flow of energy through the space. Also consider arranging your major seating to face toward the entrance to the room, almost in the gesture of a wide-open embrace. Especially with all the socializing that happens during the holidays, think of your furniture as guests at a gathering and arrange them in friendly, inviting, intimate positions. When you create a space that is open, welcoming and warm, it helps inspire those same traits in your guests, and draw positive energy into your life.

4. ENSURE HARMONIOUS DINING
Since most of our holiday gatherings focus around sharing meals together, designing an eating area conducive to harmony, connection and playful interaction is extremely important. First, make sure that everyone at your dining table has a beautiful view from their seat. If you're looking for more harmony in the home, try incorporating a round or oval table this season, which has a less formal feeling than rectangular or square tables. Try this tip, and watch the effects on your connections with loved ones. When everyone can clearly see everyone else, we naturally feel more connected, and it helps smooth out rough relationships and make everyone feel important and honored.

Also try keeping the chairs at a similar size and avoid the classic "king and queen" chairs during the holidays. Having everyone sitting in equally sized chairs helps to bring more connection, and less hierarchy, separation, aggression or dominant behavior.

And lastly, keep centerpieces nice and low. Large, tall or bulky centerpieces create symbolic rifts or divisions between your guests. Tabletop tip: if you're paring down your decorations in the rest of the house, here's a nice place to put shiny, colorful decorative arrangements if you'd like more energized eating experiences.

Watch this Friday's episode and learn many more tips about dining room Feng Shui: December 7th on HGTV / 9:30pm and 1:30am ET (check local listings)

5. BRING NATURE INDOORS
Nature automatically has a balancing effect on a space. By bringing in elements of nature, we create a serene environment. Decorating with plants, flowers and other objects from nature can help reduce stress and make your entire space soothing and inviting. Adding poinsettias, live evergreen trees, fresh wreaths, garland, holly berries and pine cones can be the perfect natural touch. Also try arrangements of colorful fresh fruit, bowls of nuts, or make strands of strung cranberries and popcorn, which can turn into a fun family ritual.

6. REDUCE CLUTTER
The holidays are almost always a time of gathering new possessions and gifts. But in feng shui, when our homes become stuffed, the energy in our homes become blocked and stagnant, prevently new experiences, people and abundance to come into our life. This time of year is the perfect time to celebrate the old, and make way for the new. By sorting and purging old belongings that nolonger are used or necessary, letting them go or passing them on to someone else, we not only create a more calming environment but also allow space for new things to enter. You'll feel lighter going into the new year, with more focus and clarity about the good times to come...

If holiday stress is a big issue, consider keeping holiday decorations to a minimum or contain them to one room. An excess of visual clutter can keep you from focusing on what's at hand...having FUN! Cards, holiday paper, gifts, bows, food, fruitcakes, decorations, lights and candles all can generate a lot of excess energy. If you find yourself less focused and more stressed during the holidays, paring down might be just the thing...

7. CREATE SACRED SPACE
Don't forget this last, but most important step: creating a sacred personal space just for you!

At the end of the day, make sure to take time out for yourself. As you decorate your home for family and friends, make sure to create a separate space, room, or even just a chair, solely for you. Having a comfortable area where you can go to unplug and recharge will give you the energy to handle all of the holiday's many challenges. Find a small spot away from the rest of the family, incorporate your favorite colors, sounds, textures and lighting that fills you up and centers your spirit.

Here's one of the ways I keep myself feeling nurtured during the holidays: Fill a basket with a delicious tea, a scented candle, a soft blanket, writing journal and favorite book and keep it in your special place when you need a little pick-me-up. Do something solely for yourself and that energy will ripple throughout the entire season. Making sure you have a private place - sacred space - helps you to regroup, and by touching that core of ourselves, it opens our hearts, keeps us reminded of the true meaning of the season, and why we come together in the first place.

YOUR HOLIDAY HOMEWORK:
Grab a piece of paper and write down numbers 1 through 7. Beside each number write down one thing you will do in each of the categories above to help create a more calming holiday season for you and your family. Make your choices simple enough that you can accomplish one a day for the following week. This way you'll have plenty of time before the holidays hit to feel grounded, calm and joyful. Now that you've made your list, and have checked it twice, let's see who's going to have a naughty or nice holiday this season! If you follow the steps above, my guess for the happiest holiday household would be.... YOU!

Happy Stress-Free Holidays to All, and to All a Good Night....


© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

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FENG SHUI Q&A: Colors and the Feng Shui Floor Plan

QUESTION
Terri writes: "Will the house look garish if you use all the colors in the guas?"

ANSWER
Stephanie: Well, it sure could! I like that you asked this question, and this is often a confusing subject. Yes, if you painted each of the 9 areas of the floor plan a different color, it could easily look more like a circus than a home. Yes, there are colors and shapes and objects that generally apply to each area of the feng shui floor plan (or "bagua" map). And yes, they an be nice additions at times when you're wanting to make a shift to specific areas of the map. But since we're all different people, with very different personalities, paths and life experiences, it wouldn't make sense for everyone to paint their wealth area purple, or paint their Relationship area pink. This is where things can get a bit tricky in terms of arranging and designing your own space.

There are many factors that come into play when choosing colors for a person's home. When working with clients, I ask myself where I sense the person out of balance, and what colors would help to move them forward to the life they internally long for. I also take a look at the structure of the home, and see which areas are needing a bit of a kick. Using the feng shui floor plan is actually down on my list of important things to consider when applying feng shui to a space, or selecting colors. My biggest focus is who you are, where you're at, and where you're hoping to be in the next few years.

So what do you do what that information? Well, you may be even more confused now that you were before in terms of selecting colors for your home. Other than calling me for a phone, virtual or in-person consultation (which I obviously would recommend first), try tuning in with a journal and asking yourself the following questions:

• What colors am I drawn to and use regularly in my home's design? (often times this is the color that is unconsciously holding you back or keeping you stuck - we gravitate toward what's familiar, and not what will inspire growth & change)

• Am I needing more energy in the next few years, or am I needing calming, grounding, or healing instead? (Bold, cleaner or brighter colors can evoke energy, muted and neutral tones can provide grounding. Cooler colors can calm, while warmer colors can heat things up. Try to select colors that speak to that inner "knowing" of where your soul longs to travel in the next handful of years).

• Is there an aspect of my personality that is in an extreme state? Either extremely nervous, or bold, or shy, or distracted, etc.? Choosing colors that help elementally dampen down those characteristics and build up other traits can be a big boost too.

• Am I afraid of adding color (or certain colors) to my home? And if so, why? Most homes in America are white, beige or tan. I believe we do this simply out of habit, as well as out of resistance. Colors evoke emotions, so often times we will unconsciously keep color out of our environments due to a fear of change, or a desire to avoid certain emotional issues. But on a deeper soul level, we are here on this planet to do exactly that – to change, to learn and to grow! Color can be the biggest and best way to inspire transformation in our lives, and it's a shame that most of us avoid it.

Please continue to ask questions surrounding color selection, and we can take this discussion deeper as more specific questions are asked.

Happy Painting!!!


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© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

Are You in Resistance...or Flow?

A dear friend of mine recently told me: "In our lives, we are either in resistance or flow." I found this statement to be both simple and powerful... and most of all, true.

What we are aspiring to achieve is a fluid, flowing experience through life, much like a smooth drift down a river's path...bending easily with each turn and twist, not going too slow, not rushing too fast. When things veer left, we go left. When things turn right, we float right. That is peace. That is balance. That is happiness. Many of us (and probably more accurately, MOST of us) are in a state of resistance to life. When we see a bend coming in the river, we scramble, scurry and peddle like mad to swim up-river in the attempt to avoid the upcoming curve. We burn energy, we worry, we defend and we panic in hopes to avoid a (perceived) collision or catastrophe. But the one thing we can 100% count on in life is that thing will change. Events will come our way. Situations will come, situations will go. People will be born, and people will die. Jobs will appear, and jobs will disappear. Of that we can be sure of.

But our brains are tricky little buggers. We often times live under the delusion that we are in charge and in control of everything in life. And while I'm a huge believer in manifesting (which I will be writing about next week), sometimes "shit happens", and it's how we embrace life that is truly the deepest blessing...or curse. We either become rigid and controlling, or we learn to bend, flex and flow with life. When we get scared of change, we get brittle. We avoid people, situations, or things that could disturb our tight little world. And you can imagine what happens to the brittle person when surprises spring up - That's right, they BREAK. I dated a man once who had become so rigid that simple things like moving a lamp, cleaning dishes the wrong way, touching germs or eating foods that weren't on his limited "healthy" list would send him into a complete and total emotional melt-down. He deemed this behavior to be spiritual. But all I saw was a man that was controlling and terrified.

Now don't get similar-looking behavior confused with someone who is CARE-ful (full of care) in life. I know people who watch what they eat, are precise with their homes and arrangements and cleanliness, and are conscientious with all that they do and say. But this is NOT to be confused with rigidity. These people are also highly skilled with flowing and flexing with life. They embrace and revel in the surprises and turns. Being THOUGHT-ful or CARE-ful is FAR different that being outright anal-retentive, although on the outside they can often appear to be quite similar.

Keep in mind too that being too loosy-goosy (I can often fall into this category!) is also an imbalance. Flowing with things is different that being all over the place, with no boundaries or containment. Just like the river, we need the bank to hold and hug the water as it twists and flows. Without containment, you have a flood instead of a river.

That being said, how does one embrace "What Is"? How do we learn to accept reality, and welcome change when it sometimes can scare the pants off of us? Ah, baby steps... baby steps...

I like to notice smaller, less dramatic moments in life that support this theory. It comforts me, and helps me see the beautiful choreography of this mysterious world. The Universe is here to support us, and is full of abundance beyond our wildest dreams. The Universe isn't out to get us, or to make us miserable (although often times our life circumstances appear to be otherwise). If we can take a deeper look at the workings of our life, and ask some pivotal questions, we can sometimes see the kindness beneath the turmoil. Perhaps everything IS for our highest good after all....

Let's take the events of my past Monday as a mini-example.

I wake up, with the expectation of my assistant showing up at 10am. 10:30 rolls around and she's still not here. 11 comes and goes. Noon hits and she's no where to be seen. I email several times, no reply. Hm.... I have a choice right now: get my panties in a twist, or just roll with the punches.

A knock at the door. I open it to see my lovely friend, Alana, who cleans my house every 2 weeks... and also a young girl standing beside her. I'm confused... "Stephanie, my daughter was off school, and not feeling well.... so I brought her with me".

"Fantastic! Come on in!"

As I start talking to the 16 year old daughter, she tells me that she's got a cold.... and as we start to talk I learn that her heart's been broken by a recent break up.... sigh... we've all been there! So she and I sit and talk for 3 solid hours. I learn everything about he life, her hurts, her frustration, sadness and anger at her boyfriend, and I proceed to load her up with special teenage-specific pick-me-ups — just the thing for a broken teen heart. We bond. I gain a new friend. And at the end of the 3 hours, mom, daughter and I stand crying in the kitchen over the love between these two, the confusion of puberty, and the misunderstandings between mother and daughter. They hug, I scoot them out the door with goodies in hand, and stand on my stoop waving good bye. What an amazing day. One that I KNOW would not have happened if my assistant HAD shown up. I felt love and gratitude that God so beautifully choreographed the day's events to give me time with this young, hurting girl.

And as I smile and turn to go back inside, I realize that I have no keys...and am standing barefoot in winter, in the middle of Brooklyn, still wearing my pajamas.... You gotta luv that visual.

I look all around, pondering how I can gain access to my apartment. Then I see one of my neighbors halfway down the block. "VICKI! Are you coming, or going?" I find out she's leaving for the weekend, but is kind enough to turn around to let me back into the building. But JUST as she arrives at the stoop, she looks down and gasps! Her keys had fallen from her pocket upon her recent exit and they were lying there on the steps, waiting to potentially be snatched up by the first passer-by. I laughed with delight, as did she, at the divine perfection of my current situation. I could stomp and stew about my current situation, or rather "go with the flow". It took me getting locked of my apartment for Vicki to find her keys. And that's the way ALL of life actually is, although most times it's not as clear-cut as this. But moments like this remind me that there is some sort of higher order. There is some sort of gift to each challenge, whether we can see it in the moment or not.

Now, this is in no way to make light of life's more challenging topics such as cancer, poverty, the loss of a job, home, spouse or child. But when faced with challenges like this, I like to try on a new way of thinking. I like to stretch my mind as if I'm writing a fairytale. If I had to write the story of this tough situation, and the outcome HAD to prove that the world was innately good, what would I write? How would I make up the ending so that it brought a smile to my face and more love to my heart? How could I explain this event so that it might, just might, make some semblance of sense? Call it psychological trickery, or just downright faith, it helps me to be more playful, think outside the box, and stretch my realm of possibilities. And most of all, live a happier, more loving life.

So next time life "hits", try asking these questions first:

• What might the world be trying to teach me in this situation?
• What can I learn through this?
• How can I use this situation to better myself?
• What if this situation was creating an opportunity or gift for someone else, even though I may never know or see the effects... how would I feel about this challenge then?
• If the world IS supportive and kind, how might this situation actually be to my benefit? How could I somehow view this challenge as a gift?

Going with the flow, or swimming upstream — when the river of YOUR life takes its next turn, how will you take the ride?

I say float on, float on, float on...


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TONIGHT'S TESTIMONIALS

"I really like this show and Stephanie has such a positive upbeat attitude. It is refreshing and fun!

I can't believe how she uses color, it really works. At first I thought that there was no way the colors she chose on tonights episode would work, but WOW! I would never have been able to put those colors together and make them look so good.

Everything she says about flow and energy just makes sense. I don't think I ever really thought about how our surroundings can impact our lives. Now, I'm looking at everything around me and thinking of how it relates to my energy and attitude.

I think that it is great to have a show that not only addresses design, but also how design can make a difference in peoples lives."

TONIGHT'S TESTIMONIALS

I've received several beautiful sentiments, emails and calls tonight regarding this most recent episode of Fun Shui. But the following email I just received was so beautiful, I wanted to share it with all of you....

"My husband and I both had tears tonight as the Fun Shui program closed. Stephanie's tenderness, thoughtfulness and insights into the heart of her subject and clients were a rairity for tv. Yes, the room was beautiful. Yes, it was "green". Yes, the tree, painted by the parent's hands, sheltered the crib in a perfect metaphor. Yes, the future rock from their new daughter's soil is touching.... But it is the large photo of the new mom and dad, that she will see from her crib, as she learns to identify with her new safe and loving family that will bond her to her own self-love and strength. We could all feel that. This is the kind of show that changes people. Thank you, Stephanie. —Jackie"

Thank you, all of you, for all your continued support for the show. I am profoundly moved.

With love,

Stephanie


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SURPRISE!

I saw this sign years ago. My mother and I were driving back from my grandparent's farm and I saw this out of the corner of my eye. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants, and I BEGGED my mom to stop the car. But it was getting late and she wanted to get home. I had no idea where we were, and assumed I'd never see that comical view again. So this image has been burned into my mind for the past many, many years... (and it always brings a grin to my face)

Then when I was in Indiana 2 months ago visiting my family, I took a drive out to the farm country with my dad and my boyfriend. I told them the tale of the ironically placed sign, and how much I regret passing up that David-Letterman-eque photo op so many moons ago... "If ONLY I knew where that sign was!" I sighed... But JUST as I was finishing my story, I look up to see... yes, you guessed it!... the infamous sign.

I squealed with delight. I can't remember the last time I felt so giddy. We looped back, parked the car, and I proceeded out into the middle of the street with my camera, my dark sense of humor feeling instantly gratified.

So what did I learn from all this? Here's my Top 10 List:

1. Never pass up an opportunity
2. If you believe an opportunity HAS passed, it may just magically reappear one day
3. Live every day of your life to it's fullest, so that there's no "SURPRISE" at the end
4. Having distracting (yet humorous) signage could prove hazardous to a driver's health
5. ALWAYS carry your camera
6. Perhaps death isn't the serious thing we've cracked it up to be
7. Lighten up, and take time out to enjoy the little laughs along the road of life
8. God has a pretty great sense of humor
9. Boyfriends who are willing to take roadtrips to farms with your dad are pretty great boyfriends
10. There are actually towns named "Surprise"...Who knew?!

So, what small things are YOU passing up on your life's journey? What light, giggly moments do you waltz past, only to hold onto regrets and longing? How can you stop to smell the roses (or photograph the signs) a bit more in your life? How can you lighten up, giggle more, and experience more pee-your-pants silly-fests?

Life is full of light and love and humor. I challenge you to prove me wrong...

Ready...

Set...

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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SPRING INTO FALL

Well, it's that cuddly time of year once again - time to pull out the thick blankets, flannel pajamas, hot chocolate and winter coats!

Even though we live in modern times with modern conveniences, it's easy to unplug from nature and the change of seasons. We live in air conditioned or heated rooms, travel in weather-proofed cars and remain sheltered for much of our working hours. To help reduce stress as well as stay in the natural rhythm of our bodies and our biology, it can be a very powerful to go with the flow, so to speak. Honoring our body's fall and winter cravings for heavier foods, slower pace and warmer environments can work wonders for most overworked Americans.

Also consider this a time to honor your home's natural rhythm. Creating rituals around your home during the change of season can be cathartic and healing. Try on the following this month as you dress your home for the winter months:

• Throw away (or give away) all things that are no longer serving you or moving you forward
• Change the drapes, blankets, pillows and throws to warmer, heavier or softer materials
• Switch out decorations throughout the house with ones dedicated solely for the colder months
• Switch out your wardrobe, coats and shoes to make room for bulkier winter wear
• Sort through cabinets, drawers, and closets and let go of anything that went unused this past year
• Make space in all areas of your life in order to make room for new and wonderful things to come in 2008!


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FEATURED FRIENDS: Pamela Rich

Holistic Nutrition – Nourishing the Whole You!
with Pamela Rich, HHC

Did you know that it’s not just what you eat, but
how you eat that affects whether food and its nutrients
are being digested properly?!

That’s right – many things go into how the food we
eat affects our overall Chi. If we eat in a stressed
state – on the run, in the car, standing at the counter–
our sympathetic nervous system shuts down our
digestion and metabolism. This can really “weigh”
(no pun intended!) on our Chi.

So what do we do to make sure our food is fueling
our good energy and keeping us healthy and happy –
SLOW DOWN! Take a few deep breaths before eating.
This will take everything down a notch allowing your
digestion to get turned back on.

Guiding you to a healthier life!
Pamela Rich
Holistic Health Counselor
Board Certified, AADP
516.624.2332 www.bestyoucanbenow.com

Some Fun Feng Shui Reading:

I've been emailed several times about what feng shui books are good to start with if you're wanting to learn more. I also just noticed people asking this question on the HGTV online community. Here's my thoughts:

Go pick up either:

The Western Guide to Feng Shui
The Western Guide to Feng Shui, Room by Room

These are both by Terah Kathryn Collins, and are wonderful primers. They follow the form-school of Feng Shui, which is very practical and easily understood by our western minds and lifestyles. The Western Guide was the first book I ever ready, and is what inspired me to move forward with my current career. So I hope you enjoy!

Once you've ready those two, try the following more advanced texts:

Feng Shui: Harmony By Design by Nancy SantoPietro
Creating Sacred Space with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston
nterior Design with Feng Shui by Sarah Rossbach

These are some of my all time favorite books, and I still continue to refer to them...They all are very practical, easy to understand and are loaded with powerful feng shui insights.

Enjoy!


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TO DINE, OR NOT TO DINE...That Is The Question

QUESTION:

"This sounds a bit naughty....BUT What is a power spot and where would I find it in the bedroom?

Oz and I loved your show on Friday and my "yeah-but" about putting the office in the dining room is that the resale value of the home would go down if this sweet couple tried to sell the home without a formal dining room. You are helping to stretch me out of my comfort zone about what a home is about and how it is a place to serve, comfort and support people, not the other way around." -- Marianne

STEPHANIE: Marianne, this is why I love this forum -- because in a half-hour show we can only cover so much information. But here we can go much deeper. And I'm sure lots of people have the same exact question about removing the dining room.

Let's start with that juicy question. First, regarding the resale value of the house. I completely hear that as a valid issue. Here's my concern about that.... So often we get worried about doing the right thing for down-the-road and we don't end up living fully in the now. We can end up worrying so much about what will happen when we sell a house (which could possibly be decades away) that we miss out on the opportunity to express ourselves, be creative, and fulfill our deepest life goals in this moment. Now, if the family said they were moving in 2 months, I might have gone a different approach, but in this situation, they had every plan on staying in this home. If they were to sell the home, this would be very easy to re-stage and a simple move of furniture could have that room back to it's original layout in one day, especially since it wasn't anything more permanent like a kitchen. Ever situation is unique of course -- in this particular situation, I can't imagine this would affect their resale value.

I have a good friend who did just this. He moved into his home years ago and really made it his - he painted unusual colors, but colors that inspired him immensely. He used his entire home to support his life. During the years he lived there he thrived, and met his soul mate - things honestly couldn't be better for him. But if he would have played it safe, and his home hadn't become the playful, optimistic oasis that it was, I'm not sure if things would be as good today. When he sold his house recently, I almost think that people could literally feel the love and joy in his home, and they wanted a bit of that good feeling. He was in a market where lots of comperable houses were sitting unsold, but his sold quite quickly. So you just never really quite know how life will turn out, but living fully in the moment simply can't hurt!

It boils down to thinking outside the box, breaking the rules that have come before us, asking ourselves from a deep place "what do I long to do?", and making sure our homes support us, instead of us supporting the home.

Also, my biggest concern was to address the fact that this couple was struggling financially and that Karen was feeling extremely unfulfilled in her career. If we didn't address those issues -- getting some abundant energy swirling around in that unused wealth corner, as well as urging Karen to fulfill her own career path -- then they very well might have needed to sell that house sooner than they'd hope!

If Karen's dream is to coach women and start a home business (I realize these details didn't make it into the show), then it was vital that her home speak to these dreams. To have a room, especially on the main floor, go unused is similar to not using your left leg over time. The ramifications of stagnant energy are evident. Since they never used the dining room it would be extremely easy for this family to simply pull out some card tables and have a warm, welcoming gathering. Their home was quite big, with plenty of space to do this in their kitchen and living room, which already had a full dining table and chairs. Remember, the joy that comes from gatherings with friends and family is about the love that is shared between people, and can happen anywhere there is joy.

Often times we do things just because we haven't thought NOT to do them any longer. We get passed down ideas of how we should live by our ancestors. I see this all the time... We have a belief that we should all have a dining room, whether it serves our lifestyle and goals or not. More and more, people are letting go of their formal dining rooms because of this, and more and more home offices are actually taking their place. It's an individual matter, one only YOU can answer. If you use your dining room and love it, by all means you should keep it! It's serving you and bringing you and your guest's joy. But if there's a way the space could serve your life better, then that's something to consider...

What we most want to focus on is making sure that the people living IN the home are well supported and inspired. When they are truly happy and fulfilled in their lives, they will naturally become better friends, better spouses, etc. Then when they welcome people into their home, they will be an inspiration to those that come in contact with them, instead of putting the guests' needs before the family's own happiness and fulfillment. The ripple effect on the planet if just one family changes their lives and becomes more joyful could be staggering. They will teach abundance & love simply by their example. Because of this redesign, Karen is coaching women and making a difference in so many, many people's lives - that to me is far better than having a pretty, yet unused, dining room.

POWER SPOTS:

Let me know if this clarifies power spots for you a bit more....

Keep in mind, in the string of evolution, we're not really that far removed from cave men. Modern life has happened quite rapidly and we still have primitive instincts that are in good working order. One of them is the natural desire to feel safe and protected. When we have our back's to an activity, we feel vulnerable. We can't see who's approaching, whether they're friend or foe, and have no reaction time if some one or some thing was about to attack us. Now granted, that rarely happens in one's family room, but the instinct is still there.

As often as possible, and especially with the larger pieces of furniture, we like to be facing the entrance or main expanse of the room. This is the location I would call the "power spot", or the location farthest and opposite the entrance into a space, since you feel most in command of what's in front of you and therefore feel more empowered. Not every piece of furniture can sit that way I realize, but try to make sure your desk, bed, sofa, and if possible, your stove, can give you a view into the room. If this isn't possible, try using mirrors (or a painting hung wth reflective glass, etc.) that will allow you to see behind you.

I hope that helps! Feel free to ask more questions if you'd like more clarification!

My thanks goes to Marianne for her amazing questions - thank you for taking the time to ask!!!


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FUN SHUI SHOW TIPS

Hi everyone!

I've received more and more questions from all of you, and thought it might be nice to use this forum to cover some of your questions, especially those that come up around the show.

Here are a few that I received this evening, in response to the home office makeover:


"Where did your wood come from for the desk?"

STEPH: The desk was from a cherry tree that had died and was then cut down and sliced specially for our show! Our handyman, Cory, went above and beyond to acquire this wood - if you only could have seen this desk in real life - it truly is a work of art! Bravo Cory... not only was it beautiful, but a kind creation for the environment.


"Why do you use some sort of red or orange in all the episodes?"

STEPH: Great question! Funny, that was just a fluke of how the show's were ordered to air - something we caught after the fact. From here on there are definitely rooms coming (starting next week!) using blues, greens and neutrals, so stay tuned!

The reds that have been used, in tonight's episode as well as in the kitchen episode, were there to promote focus and reputation. Red is the color that represents the "fame" area of a space (the back far center area, as you stand in your doorway), so this was the confident, focused nudge I especially wanted to give Karen (the wife) as she was pursuing her career goals. As you may have heard in the "testimonials" section of my website, since the filming of tonight's episode Karen has left her corporate job and has gotten certified as a life coach and is starting her own business! Knowing that it was Karen's dream to help inspire women in this way, I wanted to make sure she had a space where she could work from home as she desired, so that was the inspiration for the home office redesign.

I strongly believe that if we desire something, it's important to create a space for it to happen, ie. if you're wanting to paint, it might be a great idea to set up a space for your paints and an easel. If you're wanting to exercise more, create a home gym, etc. If you build it, it will come, so to speak...

The orange tones that were used in the bedroom episode from last week represent the earth element. This color scheme not only worked with their personal taste and decor, but also was beneficial for their personality types. I could have gone with an earthier brown or tan tone, but often these sorts of earth colors are dulling and more neutralizing in their effect, and I purposefully wanted a color that would also be bold enough to help enhance their romantic connection.


"I didn't like the color combination from tonight's episode. Why did you put those two colors together?"

STEPH: Well, I'm glad you're brave enough to ask! I love honesty, and completely understand why you might dislike tonight's more daring color combination. This color combination would not be right for most people, and if it was another couple I was working with, even within this same home layout, I would have picked very different colors.

Sometimes where there's lots of stagnancy somewhere, and a person is really eager and hungry to make a change, and also has a lot of career passion and life energy like Karen had this evening, I sometimes will place what seems to be two opposing colors next to one another. This creates a very special sort of optical "buzz" if you will, and can keep a very activated, energized feeling to the room long, long, long after the paint has dried. (FYI: I only do this if it's appropriate to the people's personalities, where they're wanting to go, and the current decor. I knew this couple could handle a bold color combination like this. And I also knew they needed quite a buzz to happen for their financial and career goals.)


"I can't put a water feature in my office - there's no room and it would be too close to all my electrical equipment. What do I do? How can I put a waterfall in there to bring in wealth?"

STEPH: Amazing question. You don't HAVE to have waterfalls, or purples, or anything else for that matter, in your wealth are of your home, or in your home office in general. When you do have the appropriate arrangement, they can be lovely additions, but you don't have to have one in order to have abundance. There are so many other factors that play into creating an abundant home, just like there are many aspects to create health in our bodies (food, rest, environment, thinking, movement, etc.). Before worrying about the details or dressings of a room, make sure that you have organization that works for you, that your chair is supportive and comfortable, everything is in good working order, you have appropriate lighting, and that the flow through the room is smooth and easy, with nothing blocking the flow through the space. Starting there can be a HUGE enhancement to bringing in abundance. If these foundational issues haven't been handled, no amount of waterfalls can make up for what lacks in these other areas.

Side tip: One of the BEST places to put a waterfall is in your entryway - either inside or out. Front entrances to homes represent your career or path in life, and water is the element that is represented there. Flowing water also represents abundance. Keep in mind, we want the energy flowing INTO the home, so try to use either waterfalls that cascade down all sides of the fountain, or ones that flow INTO or toward the home!


"What if my bedroom is in my wealth area! What do I do then? My office is somewhere else."
i
STEPH: You all are FULL of great questions tonight! No worries... Just because I placed tonight's family's home office in THEIR wealth corner, doesn't mean you have to as well. It just happened that it worked out nicely for them in that way. Getting this family to spend more time positive time in this previously unused dining room area is almost like adding an accupuncture needle to this area of the home - it brings life and energy into that space, as well as that aspect of their life.

If your bedroom falls in the wealth area, I'd want to make sure you were fully supported by a bed that was sturdy and comfortable. I'd also want to make sure that you were sleeping in the most powerful position possible (please ask if any of you need clarification about power spots!). Do you love your bedding? Could you possibly add a luxurious throw, or some rich textures to the room in any way? Do you have a very expensive painting, vase, scupture, or knick-knack that you can incorporate into the room to remind you of abundance? Do you love spending time there? Does it make you feel wonderful to walk into the room? Is it clean, clear and uplifting? If not, addressing these issues can be a great place to start in bringing abundance into your life.

PLEASE CONTINUE TO ASK QUESTIONS AND I WILL ANSWER AS MANY AS I CAN, TO HELP ALL OF YOU HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF THE POWERFUL YET PRACTICAL ART OF FENG SHUI!

Cheers and good chi, everyone!


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I've Been Cheating on My Boyfriend

It's true. I've been having a love affair...

with coffee.

Ok, ok, perhaps it's not as juicy as you were hoping. But it's just as internally turmultuous. Here's the thing: I love coffee (don't worry, Ian...I love you more!). My focus goes to coffee several times a day. I worship it. It's my religion.

"It's your RELIGION?"

Yup. That's what I said. The definition of worship is "to love something deeply". Whatever in our lives we think about and give our focus to is what we worship (which might be rather disturbing news as you come to realize you're actually spending more time worshipping your email, to-do list, cell phone, shoes, food or coffee, INSTEAD of God [or whatever word you use for that mysterious and magical something that makes the universe go 'round]).

But it's been 3 days now. No coffee. I took that brave leap and listened to that whisper in my ear that has been telling me for months to cut back on the ol' joe... And it's been a challenging past three days. But what I've come to realize is that what we're drawn to is very likely exactly the thing that keeps us stuck. We're drawn toward foods, stimulants, people, spaces and colors that exacerbate where we're already out of balance, and just end up intensifying that energy.

For example, I tend to be quite energetic by nature (who knew?!) with a very fast, racing mind. So what I'm drawn to intensifies that imbalance. I like coffee, I like kickboxing, I like running. I avoid drinking, downers and yoga, simply for the fact that they force me to slow down and come into balance. So I fight it. My boyfriend on the other hand is very low-key and grounded by nature (sometimes TOO much so...sorry honey!), and of course he's fond of meditation, drinking (when he was younger), and any slow-paced or innert activity. Coffee for him is out of the question.

So, that being said, what's your tendency? What activities do you avoid? What types of colors are you hesitant to use in your home? I'm not saying to go out and do yoga, or smoke pot, paint your ceiling purple or drink yourself silly.... It's a matter of acnowledging that quiet inner voice that knows what would be healing for you, and allow it space to speak. The more you give it that space, the louder it gets, and the more you're capable of acting on it's wisdom.

In terms of feng shui, the same applies. Because your brain, in this very moment is where it is, and has the beauty AND imbalances that it has, we make choices from THAT place. So if we were to redecorate our space from where we are right now, very likely we would imbue that space with whatever strengths, and definitely whatever weaknesses, we currently hold. (This is why it's so beneficial to find a good consultant who can look past your personality and get to what your soul's longing for, and help you generate a space for those longings to blossom - a consultant who's continually doing their own inner work, staying clear and trying their best not to project their own issues or limitations onto your space.)

That being said, true change can feel uncomfortable. Sticky, icky, and heeby-jeeby. But deep down we WANT change. That's why we're on the planet! So we want to surround ourselves in inspiring spaces that stretch us out of our comfort zones so our homes aren't just a redesigned dumping-ground for more of where we are right now. That only creates more of that hampster-wheel-of-life effect. Although to create a space that speaks to who we WANT to become can feel as challenging as...well...choosing green tea over coffee! It's a new energy, a new feeling, a new behavior being asked of us, and that forces us to step up to the plate and create new patterns, behaviors and pathways. But however uncomfortable initially, that's the great news! Our homes can inspire change and growth... and often times it's far easier to change through changing our homes, than it is to change by changing a lifetime of limited beliefs.

So be prepared to feel a bit uncomfortable when you're taking on any new, healthier behavior. Your ego may throw a temper-tantrum. "I can't paint THAT color on the wall! I can't wake up early and write in my journal! I can't eat healthier! I can't get organized!...I can't survive without coffee in the morning!"

So what's right for YOU? What could you do to your space that would inspire something great in yourself? What does that small inner voice tell you to do each day that you simply choose not to listen to? What little thing could you change that you KNOW would change your entire life?

Would it be...
...painting a new color on the wall?
...making your junk drawer beautiful, with lovely containers and labels?
...throwing out magazines or paperwork you've had filed away for ages and tell yourself you'll get to someday?
...fixing a chair that you've grown acustomed to being broken?
...throwing out old clothes that you've been hanging onto for years?

What change could you make that you KNOW deep down is a positive shift, but you're hesitant to change? Yup, that's right. THAT is precisely where you want to start...

Baby steps, baby steps...

And before you begin this adventure, always keep in mind the following: as long as you're alive, your home will be growing and changing along with you. So continue nuding yourself and your home forward, and most importantly... HAVE FUN!


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2 Horses are SAVED with your help!

Here's the update I just received from my new heroic Horse Whisperers:

"We are still raising funds to be part of a huge team effort! The Horse Coalition is Making HISTORY!!! We have raised the funds for the perch cross and the pali mare. The mare has a good home and the perch is coming to PT. We are now raising funds for this Mroab Mare I have attached a pic.

Check out the mare at www.pthr.org.

Morab mare black approx 16/17 yr old ... She seems lost and confused as to why she is where she is and is. She is low man on the totem pole and has lost weight even because the other horses do not allow her to eat.

We are Going to KEEP Pulling! The more money we pull the more we can save! We will also look to help horses beyond help this time. If there are horses that are to far gone we will pull them and help them pass over The Rainbow Bridge. I have a BIG Update Coming With ALL the Details!! We are making history here...

Thank You to ALL The Donors! We are going to keep saving!!!"

Please consider sending your donations to this amazing organization so they can buy a THIRD horse tomorrow at the kill pen auctions.... As they said so passionately above, the more money they raise, the more horses they can save.

With love and gratitude,

Stephanie


DONATION REQUEST: Funds Needed TODAY To Save 2 Horse's Lives

I love the internet. It's the most amazing way to connect with people that we might not normally get to meet. So today I'm using this amazing medium to share some information with all of you in the hopes that we might be able to make a quick and easy difference in an animal's life.

My makeup artist's sister is a horse rescuer. I just received an email from her letting me know that she's in need of funding TODAY to save the lives of two beautiful horses which are scheduled to go to a kill buyer. Unfortunately this email reached me at the last minute, and they are looking to get donations by this evening (although any donations made after this will be forwarded to saving many other horses' lives).

If anyone is interested, even $2, $5 or $25+ will make a huge difference. I've already make my donation of $250, and they only need another $750, so with all of us pulling together, we can make a massive impact in this situation. This is the power of people coming together for a common cause. Anything is possible with passion, focus and action!

And just to let you know, finances are extremely tight for me right now as I'm sure many of you can relate to, but the good feeling of giving to someone in need far outweighs the financial challenges attached to it. Somehow the universe provides for us when we listen to that deep inner voice that calls us to action. My inner voice told me $250...and since my life motto is "Listen and Follow Directions", that's what I gave.

Donations can be made at www.pthr.org.
Join their mailing list while you're there to stay updated in ways you can support their efforts in the future.

If you cannot donate, instead consider forwarding this posting. And if funds are tight, even $2 from each person could easily mean life for these beautiful horses!

When making a donation please email horsesaverlb@aol.com and jennifer@PureThoughtsHorseRescue.com to let them know of your generous gift. I've already talked with them, and they're already in the trailer heading to the kill pens... With sufficient funding, they will be able to take these horses home tomorrow! Support these amazingly passionate people in their generous and loving efforts. We could all learn a thing or two from these people about the fulfillment experienced when we follow our hearts and passions, and act selflessly).

They will respect your privacy if you wish not to announce you name with the donation. Just let them know!

Again, Donations can be made at www.pthr.org.

Your Horse Heros:
Laura Boothby
A Stand 4 The Horses
Fundraising & Rescue Education
http://www.myspace.com/4thehorses

Friends of Fitch
http://www.myspace.com/thefightforfitch

Thanks in advance to all your amazing generosity - and please keep them in your thoughts (and pocketbook) in the days, months and years to come. If we each extended a small kindness each and every day, I believe our planet would be healed. We are all individually more powerful than we realize.... And if it's not these horses, what one thing could you do today that would make a difference in someone's life? I encourage you to take action and JUST DO IT!

With love,

Stephanie

(please consider forwarding this message out to your entire mailing list to help spread this information)

Sharpen Your Saw

Like all of you, I've found my life becoming more and more busy. And I too find it challenging to stay balanced, focused, and taking plenty of time for myself in terms of relaxation, sleep, and exercise. I was reminded of a fantastic analogy that many of you may have already heard, but it's good enough to hear over...and over...and over!

Sharpen your saw!


Yes, that's right. Sharpen your saw. Imagine your life, your goals and your dreams represented by a huge tree standing before you...and just for grins, your life's goal is to cut that huge tree down. But when we're exhausted, run down, and spread thin with to-do lists, soccer practice, emails and grocery shopping, we often become more like a rusty, dull saw than a sharp, efficient model (I've felt more like a popsicle stick on the saw-dullness scale myself lately). When we stop for a moment to take time out to recharge, reorganize and rejuvenate our spirits, it's like sharpening that rusty saw to a shining, fine point. We think clearer, we have more energy, we make better, wiser decisions, and we feel more joy. Voila! Things go more smoothly, and we find ourselves slicing effortlessly through the timber...

So after being reminded of the whole saw-sharpening theory, I took a look around. Literally and figuratively. I've spent much of the past year working round-the-clock on creating "Fun Shui", and have been so busy that, like all you fellow busy-bees out there, I'd neglected to update and care for my own space which I found was no longer reflecting my greater goals.

I was working hard. And I was telling myself I didn't have time to stop or think things through. I had work to do, and a lot of it! But this weekend I finally came to my senses and I stopped. I put everything aside and took a long hard look around.

Where is my life headed? What am I wanting to achieve in the next few years? And does my space currently speak to those greater goals? The answer was an emphatic "NO". So I sat down at my desk. I felt my chair. I looked out at the view from my seat. Was I comfortable? Focused? Inspired? All the feng shui books would tell me that my furniture placement was stellar and that I was practicing great feng shui. But I felt stressed, scattered, tense...and the view was less than calming or creative.

Then I rolled my chair to all the other spots in the room until I found one that inspired me. Suddenly I felt focused, I felt strong, I felt wonderful. Then I opened up drawers...pulled out papers... I imagined my life as I dream it could be. And I started creating a space fit for THAT woman: the future Stephanie. How would she organize? Where would she sit? What lighting would she like? What artwork would inspire?

So that's what I did. (And get this: I didn't spend a single dime!) Literally overnight I've been far more productive, forward thinking and organized than I've been in some time, and have had more great news, income opportunities and surprises in just 3 days than I've had in the past many weeks combined. Funny thing is: most things happen when I'm centered and in the flow, NOT when I'm a buzzing busy-bee. Yet probably like you, I often forget to stay in faith - faith that life is for me, not against me.
I feel good. I feel inspired. And my home FEELS amazing again--much more compatible with that wiser, truer part of myself, and where I long to be...

Now I ask YOU: in what ways can you sharpen YOUR saw? What things have you been putting off or avoiding, that you know deep down would make a world of difference in your life and those around you? What areas of your home could use some TLC? Get some paper, make a list, and jot down 3 things you could do this week that would make you fall in love with your home all over again... And if all of this sounds absolutely out of the question ("She's crazy - I don't have time to do that!"), ask that deep part of yourself what's so scary about putting down the saw and getting out the sharpening stone? What are you are afraid would happen if you did stop to tend your own inner (or outer) garden?...

Now get to work sharpening, sharpening, sharpening... and I'll meet you at the bonfire! (Bring your own wood)


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IN THE NEWS: Stephanie Eats Paint!

Fun Shui is back in the news...and Stephanie's eating paint! If you can grab yourself an actual copy, get some great candid shots of Stephanie and the Coleman family as they redecorate a nursery for children being adopted from Africa -- all using Green products. Why, the paints so healthy, it's edible! Run out and pick up a copy of Newsday, or check out the online article at:

http://www.newsday.com/features/home/ny-n5415691oct18,0,5111620.story

(The episode above will air November 2nd, so spread the word!)


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FEATURED FRIENDS: Carol Skolnick

Inquire Your Way to Internal Feng Shui
by Carol Skolnick

Feng Shui is the art of allowing and creating a clear and uplifting energy flow in the physical environment, the places where we spend time: home, office, garden. When there is a lot of clutter in the physical space, it's harder to live happily and with clarity—whether it's a garage full of useless old junk that displaces your car, a living room crowded with books and toys, or a home-office robbing your bedroom of restfulness and romance. When there is balance and beauty without, it has a positive affect on the space within, the mind and heart.

The opposite is also true. Internal clutter—old beliefs that cause stress or suffering—very often manifest as chaos in the home or workplace. A messy desk may be a symptom of a messy mind. A closet full of old clothes is a closet full of beliefs: "I may need these things someday," "If I throw things out, it means I wasted my money," or "I don't have time to deal with this."

If you find yourself reluctant to change or clear your space, you may find it helpful to do some mental housekeeping first. A simple self-inquiry technique called The Work of Byron Katie can create just the "head room" you need.

The Work is a way to identify and question the thoughts that cause all the suffering in the world. That sounds lofty, but it is really very simple: the technique consists of four questions, and a "turnaround." The premise of The Work is equally simple: when we believe thoughts that are not 100% true for us, we experience stress, which affects our health, our relationships, our efficacy at work, and our creativity. When we meet our stressful thoughts with understanding, they eventually fall away as the truth, which is more compelling, comes to light. This creates a spaciousness inside that translates to a better relationship with our environment.

Here's an example of how The Work's "internal Feng Shui" works:

Belief: I may need these things someday.

Question 1: Is it true?

Yes. I might lose weight. I may need the old suit for a job interview. My husband loves his ancient sweatshirts and insists he will wear them.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know that it's true?

Well, no. I haven't fit into some of this stuff in years. George never even wears sweatshirts anymore. If I decide to look for another job, I will probably want something newer and more polished for my interviews than this out-of-style suit.

Question 3: How do you react when you believe that thought? (What happens?)

When I believe the thought, "I may need these things someday," I become nervous about cleaning out the closets. I put it off, and the closets just get more crammed. I can't find anything. I don't even know what I have. I worry about making a mistake about getting rid of things. I see my stuff as irreplacable. I fear regret and loss. I see myself arguing with my partner about his things, having to back down, and resenting him for it. I get a queasy feeling in my stomach, and I feel tired. I end up wasting time on the phone or on the internet instead of straightening up the closets. It feels like my belongings are controlling my life.

Question 4: Who would you be without this thought?

I would be calmer and more present. I would not be so attached to things. I would be grateful for the joy my things have given me, which would make it easier to let them go. I would happily donate some of my things I don't use to a thrift shop, where someone else might find them useful. I'd let myself have new clothes, and I'd be excited about updating my look. I would stay out of my husband's business, and instead collaborate with him about the closets, instead of trying to control him. I'd have a lot more energy.

Turn the thought around. What is the opposite of your original belief?

I may not need these things someday.

Is this as true or truer?

Yes, it could be just as true.

Give three genuine examples of how this turnaround is true in your experience.

So far, I have not needed the things I can't even find and don't know I have! I'm not trying to lose weight now, because I feel healthy and comfortable at my current size...so it could be a very long time before I'd need those clothes, if ever. My tastes have changed and it could be that I wouldn't want to wear my favorite old outfits even if I could fit into them again.

Now it's your turn.

Take a belief that seems to no longer serve you, the simpler the better. "There's too much to do." "My house is falling apart." "I'll never have a good relationship." "I don't have enough money." "The world isn't safe." (Have you noticed we can't just drop these stories? We can't prevent a thought from occuring. Try telling yourself not to think; "I'm not thinking" is already a thought!) Hold this belief up against the four questions and turnaround of The Work. How would you live your life differently if you could no longer believe this thought? Without the internal clutter of stressful beliefs, what solutions come to you to create spaciousness, flow, and beauty to your physical space?

To learn more about The Work, download free materials, find a Certified Facilitator, or attend an event with Byron Katie, visit TheWork.com.

___________________
Carol L. Skolnick, a Certified Facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie, brings this transformational inquiry to individuals and groups worldwide. To contact Carol, receive her newsletter, and check her schedule of events, visit her website: ClearLifeSolutions.com

evolvingarts

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
— Carl Jung

What if?

What if nothing was real?
What if everything was an illusion?
What if everyone was an actor in the play of your life?
And what if each and every scenario was choreographed only for your highest good?

On some very deep level, I believe this to be the case (or at least enjoy imagining this to be true).

When someone betrays me, perhaps it's just God in disguise. When someone criticizes me, perhaps that too is God. And when someone takes something from me, what if it's just God once again? The challenge come in figuring out what we're to learn from each encounter...

Earlier this evening, after showing some friends a sneak-peak at footage from my show, two made several critiques and suggestions about my future wardrobe. They spent MANY minutes sharing every thought they could muster about what I should wear, what looks best, and what colors I should consider for the future. And I got....... well....... PISSED.

Sitting on the subway ride home, I looked around at the faces. God disguised as strangers on the train. God smiling at me. God staring at me. God ignoring me. God fighting with another passenger. All sent here to hold up a mirror - for me to see my beliefs projected outward, and a chance to undo one more limiting thought so that my life (and heart) can be lighter.

Then I saw it. God disguised as wardrobe-critiquing people: here to show me where I still seek approval, here to shed light on any remaining insecurity about my own appearance, and here to shower me with another opportunity to see where I defend and separate myself from others. (But perhaps most importantly, here to shower me with constructive wardrobe advice that I obviously needed to hear!) What a gift, what a gift, what a gift.

So what if everyone that has caused you [perceived] pain was really just God in disguise? What if it's all lovingly planned so that we each learn exactly what we've come here to learn? What if we're all surrounded by nothing but angels? What if everything you encountered was nothing but GOOD.

What if?...

What if?...

What if?...

Now what will you say next time someone cuts you off in traffic?
(Say hi for me, won't you?)

It's all about love...

Love. It's the foundation of every single thing on the planet. It's the energy that we arise from. It's our nature, our core. It's who we are without our limiting beliefs.

But are you like me? Do you sometimes find it FAR too easy to find flaws in those you love? Isn't it exhileratingly painful to cut down our partner, picking apart every single microscopic way that they appear to be "less than perfect"? I've found myself holding an emotional magnifying glass up to my partner lately, at moments only choosing to see the flaws of our connection. I make a mental list of the ways I'm not getting the love I deserve. I see him as less. And it hurts...

Then a good friend of mine, who's an amazing support in my life, was telling a tale that sounded awfully familiar. She too was holding her partner to the perfection fires, and was voicing this frustration to a woman at a recent workshop she was attending. The woman turned to her after hearing this loveless tale, and asked "But how do YOU love?"

It's SO easy to get caught up in what others should be doing for us. How they should love. What they should give. Who they should be in order for us to feel fulfilled and cherished. But it is never the act of receiving love that is deeply satisfying. Yes, it feels fleetingly fabulous, I'll agree. But the deeper, exhilerating, blissful experience of GIVING love is the true gift to ourselves and others.

Ask yourself this question: What are you doing for those you love? What are you contributing to the planet? How could you make someone's day by doing the simplest of gestures? Where is it that you've forgotten the joys of giving?

Do it. And do it for the basic fact that it FEELS good to do so.

Now go put down that critical inventory list of others, even if just for 5 minutes -- long enough to batt a smile at a stranger, or give a compliment to your sweetie. Go "love-up" someone - anyone - today. You'll be glad you did (and so will they)!

"The Work" in action

Are you ready to unravel your life? Are you ready to knock down the barriers that stand between you and deep, profound happiness?

"The Work of Byron Katie" is the most profound experience I've ever encountered. I've done a LOT of work on myself in the past 2 decades, and have encountered some amazing modalities and healers, yet nothing, not even the practice of Feng Shui, has made the same impact in my life as Katie's powerful, simple process.

I need to admit something though... for the past 1-2 years I've put this process to practice very little. I've allowed myself to get swept up in my beliefs around the excitement and newness and challenge of creating a television show. And I know that this time has been perfect, because everything is always in perfect order. But just lately I felt that inner calling to take notice of the lack of peace I'm experiencing in certain parts of my life - beliefs that are creating stress around work and love that are whispering in my ear to be gently understood, explored, and unraveled on an even deeper level.

I have personally experienced deep and profound peace in my past, for extended periods of time that were magic beyond words. I know what is possible for the human spirit. Yet like anyone else, I get lost in my beliefs now and then. I continue to find areas in my life that could use some light, some love and some compassion. And since I've found such incredible peace through Byron Katie's process, I'm here to share my own process of "The Work" with you, in hopes that you and I may both experience more peace within through the journey...

"The Work" is a series of 4 questions and a turn-around that you can apply to any single belief. This is a time to get petty, and write down your true thoughts - don't try to be spiritual or wise! Also try to write simple, short statements when trying this for yourself - it will be much easier to understand at first:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you really know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without it?
* Turn Around

So let's take a look at one of my beliefs, and applying the four questions:

MEN SHOULDN'T REJECT ME BASED SOLELY ON MY APPEARANCE.

QUESTION 1: Is it true that men shouldn't reject me?
ANSWER 1: Yes. Men shouldn't reject me based on my looks... it's painful and shallow and petty. They should love me for who I am... They should see the real me and love or leave me for THAT reason only.

QUESTION 2: Is it REALLY true that men shouldn't reject me based on looks?
ANSWER 2: Well, maybe not. What is, is. On this planet, men reject women based on looks...sometimes. It's what happens.
It feels bad inside me to dictate how the world should operate, or how someone should feel about me. It feels bossy, like I'm playing God, and I feel more like a dictator. It's unkind, arrogant, and doesn't feel like my nature.

Do I even NEED an man's approval? Would I die if I were alone? Would I crumble if a man rejected me again? I'm pretty sure I'd keep breathing.... I'm pretty sure I'd keep moving forward... My happiness isn't dependent on anything outside myself.

And can I really know that someone has ever rejected me based solely on my looks? Often times it definitely LOOKED like I was being rejected for that reason. Sometimes they even TOLD me that. But I'll never know what goes on inside someone else's head or know their true motivations... All I know is, when I have rejected someone in my past, it's been because of fear or insecurity on my part. So perhaps it's the same with some men. I can't know...

And who's business is it who they reject? Theirs. Who's business is it who I choose to "reject"? Mine. When I get into someone else's business, I hurt. I'm outside myself...and it's lonely.

So all this being said, no... I can't know that men shouldn't reject me. Maybe, just maybe, it's not true....

QUESTION 3: How do I react when I hold the belief that men shouldn't reject me for my looks?
ANSWER 3: I feel insecure. I act phony. I try to be something I'm not. I try to look a certain way, and then don't feel like myself, but rather an actress. It feels unnatural, and uncomfortable. I don't give some men the benefit of the doubt that they could actually love me for myself, or find me attractive as I am. I doubt their motives. I don't trust them when they say they love me. I hide, protect myself from rejection by not putting myself "out there". I approach men with the belief that they could hurt me, so there's usually a distancing that happens. It's lonely... fearful... untrusting.... I feel deep down that I'm not good enough as I am.

QUESTION 4: Who would I be without the thought that men shouldn't reject me based on my looks?
ANSWER 4: I'd have an open heart. I'd love them, no matter what. I'd be more compassionate, even if they reject me. I'd feel strong, secure, loving and powerful in front of a man. I'd be happy, with or without a man. I'd feel sexy, beautiful and worthy at every moment. I would feel connected, intimate and loving with all men. I wouldn't think about how I looked, but rather would be thinking about THEM instead. I wouldn't feel needy or clingy or insecure, but rather, lovingly unattached. And I'd feel GREAT about running all over town naked! (laugh)

TURN-AROUND 1: Men SHOULD reject me.
(Turn-arounds are just a way to try on the opposite of what we've been thinking. Often times, you will find that the turn-arounds are as true, if not truer, than the original belief. Also, quite often you will find more than 1 turn-around for a statement, as show below)
TURN-AROUND 1 RESPONSE: How do I know men should reject me? They do... sometimes. When I say that anything outside myself should be other than it is, I'm going to lose. ALWAYS. Things happen as they happen. When we oppose this, we get pain. Pain is a brilliant indicator that we're attached to a lie, or a belief that simply isn't true for us. In those moments, we're going against what is, and it always hurts.

And perhaps I NEEDED men to reject me based on my looks. Perhaps that's my path. Maybe that's been my opportunity to grow and find God. It has allowed me over the years to love myself and others on a deeper, less-superficial level. Through rejection, I now love people for their hearts, not their looks. I don't allow physical things to come between my connection and love for others. In hindsight, these situations have been amazing gifts that have made me who I am today -- a learning opportunity I wouldn't take back if I could, no matter how painful they were in the moment.

TURN-AROUND 2: I shouldn't reject men because of looks.
TURN-AROUND 2 RESPONSE: This belief is for ME to live, not anyone else. Our individual belief systems are OUR own unique prescriptions for happiness. It is for me to learn to love people unconditionally, not others. Every belief in my head is for ME to follow. They are my rules for happiness...period. Where can I learn to love people less superficially? How can I be a teacher to others of how to love, regardless of looks?

By taking this in deeply, and living it myself, it has brought me my wonderful boyfriend who thinks I'm the cat's meow! I'm tall, he's short. I'm more of a "yuppie" and he's got long hair and rides a motorcycle. I'm into health food, and he's into burgers and fries. Would I have been so open to our differences if it hadn't been for my perceived "rejections" by men? We'll never know...

TURN-AROUND 3: I shouldn't reject me based solely on my appearance.
TURN-AROUND 3 RESPONSE: If I don't want men to reject me, how about I try it first? I reject me (in my mind) all day long. Somehow I think it should be easy to love regardless of my looks, but I can't seem to do it with my very own self!!! How about I learn to love my looks unconditionally, and THEN go dictate this belief to all men around the planet!

I'm humbled when I see that I have everything in common with the men who have "rejected" me in the past. We BOTH can't seem to accept my looks! (smile) So let the work begin with me. Let ME learn to love ME unconditionally. And if I figure that out in this lifetime, I probably will feel so full and complete that it won't matter if EVERY person rejects me on the planet! I'll be free to love others the way I had been trying to get them to love me. It's the act of loving that feels so good, not the receiving of it. I can live as an example of unconditional love. I can finally be a true teacher...

As Katie often says... "If I had a prayer, it would be: Please God, spare me from the desire to receive love, approval or acceptance. Amen." Desiring love is painful. Giving love is where the beauty lies.

TURN-AROUND 4: My thinking shouldn't reject me based solely on my appearance.
(Replacing "my thinking" in the turn-around stage can often times be helpful. It can take the statement to another level of exploration... )
TURN-AROUND 4 RESPONSE: My thinking is the only problem in this situation. Without the thought that people should find me attractive, I am neutral... able to stand in front of them, "thoughtless", open and loving. Without my attachment to this belief, there is no pain, no suffering... just peace and love. Thoughts are neutral until I attach to them... When I believe my thoughts, I'm in pain.

There are many more levels of doing "The Work" which we can explore at another time. For more information and background on "The Work of Byron Katie", as well as a free downloadable worksheet, go to www.THEWORK.com. You can also go to YouTube and watch the many samples posted there of her process in action. Also, please write if you'd like me to send you audio samples of "The Work" - I have thousands of examples, and would be more than happy to share them with any of you...

If any of you would like to try doing "The Work", please email your writings to me. If you get stuck, just ask. And if you would be open to me posting them here, let me know. They can be a great tool for others...

With lots of love,

Stephanie

When Food is Love

It seems as if every woman I talk to has some sort of disconnect surrounding food. Heck, even some of my male friends seem to be affected as well. Whether thin or curvy, older or younger, food seems to have an interesting hold on many of our hearts. Also let me remind you that I write each and every one of these articles for myself and my own healing. I write what I'm learning about, right along side you. We're in this together, this dance through life. We're all teachers and students, often at the same time.

So, back to food.... Food is always there for us. It's always comforting. And ALWAYS delicious! Yet this is only true when we eat the amounts our bodies want, when our bodies want it. Overeating seems like a good idea in the moment, but that's only in the moment. In the long run it's more like a bad boyfriend. It promises the world, only to let you down in the end. You give up everything for him... your time, your thoughts, your body, your health only to be slapped and abused by low self-image, tight clothes, debt, spiritual starvation and a slew of weight-related health issues. So is food REALLY love? Can food ever fill our spirits, or give us a full, loving, satisfying life? I think not. But how in the world can we remember this when food seems to have such a strong pull?

I believe that we can use any challenge, struggle, or addiction as a pathway to spiritual freedom. I'm using my own struggles with food as a way to powerfully connect me to God. When I can shift my focus onto my feeling of connection, and off of food, I gain something more filling than words can describe, and less pounds on the hips in return. Finding that very personal connection to God comes in different forms, down different paths. That's for you to explore on your own.

But solely in terms of food, since it's a hard vice to avoid altogether, here are 10 tips that might be just the reminder to snap you back into reality and help you once and for all break up with that no-good lover, overeating. If you're ready to break up, try on one or more of the following, and hopefully try on a smaller dress size as well:

1. Eat when you're hungry.
The body was built perfectly to desire food when it needs it, and only then. Following your internal, natural cues is the simplest way to honor yourself , your life and your family.

2. Eat whatever your body is calling for.
Allow yourself to eat what you're desiring. Deprivation only leads to binges. As Geneen Roth so wisely says "For every diet there is an equal and opposite binge". It's one of the biggest laws of the universe. Your body is wise beyond measure - if you can learn to listen to it, it will know exactly what nutrients it needs. It may take you time to differentiate between head and body hunger: one comes from all the years of deprivation, the other is softer, wiser and comes from a vast internal knowing that always directs you perfectly to balance and health. Whether it's pizza or pineapple, kale or cookies, let the wise inner voice do the choosing, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

3. Make eating a sacred occasion.
I light a candle before my meals. I eat at the table, sometimes enjoying some relaxing music. Honor yourself and your body with a lovely environment. Creating a ritual to begin your meals, such as lighting a candle, can separate and distinguish your meals from the rest of your day, and establish a quiet sacredness to the act of eating. You deserve that!

4. Eat in silence or to soothing music.
How many of you eat in front of the TV? Or eat in frenetic, stressful home environments? Or at busy office desks? Give yourselves the gift of a pleasant, focused environment. I know for myself, this was one of the TOUGHEST ones to embrace. I was terrified to be alone with my thoughts and to be faced with the obvious disconnect I felt around food. But there's no time like the present to undo this habit, face your fears and do it anyway. Once you shine a light on your dark thoughts around food and meet them with love and understanding, they vanish in a puff of smoke. Be gentle with yourself... It's time to take a bite out of this fear of silence, and instead take a bite out of some delicious food!

5. Get the best quality available when you can.
Depending on your financial and environmental circumstances, start looking for the best quality food available to you. Last night I learned this lesson again for myself. I wanted vegetable stir-fry, but the only vegetables available were rubbery, waxy and lighter in color than normal. I could have taken the time to run in to a store around the street from my home, but I didn't. Cutting up the vegetables, I could tell they were lifeless. And once cooked, they tasted about as good as they looked. Ug. Then, to top it off, I also treated myself by buying a container of green tea ice cream. But I didn't get the brand I really wanted... something that looked decadent and rich and more expensive. I went with the simpler brand. At the end of my meal, I took a spoonful of ice cream and almost did a spit-take across the dining room table.
Before, I would have eaten it, regardless of how badly it tasted, and my desire to save money ended up costing me a pint of green tea ice cream sitting upside down in my trashcan. But now I'm enjoying buying less, but buying better quality foods. I enjoy good dark chocolate. I enjoy gourmet cheeses. I enjoy fresh-baked breads. I enjoy locally grown foods. They say we are what we eat, and I find this to be true. Does it feel good eating meats that come from sad and unhealthy animals who spend tortured lives in small cages? Can we tell the difference between canned vegetables vs. a beautiful green bouquet of fresh collard greens? It's not to say that we should spend more than we have. But within our limits, what's the best, most delicious choice we can make?

6. Chew.
Remember, your stomach can't taste anything -- only your tongue has taste buds. So why not savor the flavor of what you're eating? Let the food melt and fill your entire mouth. When you're eating what your body's calling for, and eating when you're hungry, everything will taste so much better. And there's a side benefit to chewing. When you chew your food, it mixes with the saliva in your mouth, helping your stomach to better break down the contents of your meal. If you chew, and chew well, you'll get tons more energy from the food itself, pull out lots of vital vitamins and minerals, experience less digestive troubles and eat much less. When you take the time to slow down and chew, your body gets the time it needs to begin the digestive process and give your body the signal that it's filling up. This process takes about 20 minutes. So if your tendency is to overeat, slowing down gives you the time to listen to your own internal fullness signal. It also helps stretch out a delicious meal so you've got more time to savor the flavors!

7. Have Gratitude.
If we have issues surrounding food and eating, it stems from our disconnect from God and a deep self-hatred. Turning our attentions toward our connection to the Universe and all that's magical sets a very different tone than our normal focus on food. Experiencing gratitude throughout our lives, especially with food, is an amazing experience. It helps us to enjoy the food, but not worship it. This fixation and worship of food in the past has gotten us nothing but pain. But if we can shit our fixation and worship to something much greater, we'll feel full in a way that we may have never known. And then food can take it's place in our life... simply as something to be enjoyed and fuel our bodies, but nothing more. Some of us have given our power over to food. But at your next meal, how about approaching the plate with humble gratitude? How amazing a gift to have such great food, a roof over our heads, and air to breath. The basics of life, and we've go 'em! Appreciating and honoring the simple things in our lives can expand our hearts, allowing more and more magic to flood in. Now THAT'S yummy!

8. Have fun!
Watch a child eat. Just watch them! They touch, rub, smush, mash, swirl and twirl their food. When's the last time YOU did this? When's the last time you lost all etiquette and juggled grapes or made smiley faces in your mashed potatoes? How did eating get so serious for us adults? Couldn't this world, in all areas, use a little lightening up? Imagine what the world might be like if George Bush played "airplane" with his green beans... and just imagine how things would be if all our world leaders built tee pees with their pancakes... Today, promise me that you will be silly. Downright childish. Life's too short to take something like food so seriously!

9. Share with a friend.
Throughout the centuries, food has been a focal point when coming together with one's we love. Celebrate your relationships by sharing a meal. People in our lives are precious. And food is precious. So bring two yummy things together and cherish all life's abundance with a good friend and a good meal.

10. Stop when you're full.
Yes, that's right... STOP. And that's the tough part, which is why I saved it for last. I've spent a lifetime on this piece of the puzzle, and it can be a challenge for sure. But there's nothing more satisfying (no pun intended) than to walk away from a meal feeling comfortably full and energized. Honor your body and all it's done for you by not stuffing it to the gills. Never you fear - you'll be hungry again in no time, and you can enjoy another meal of whatever foods you desire. Fill yourself up with love, passion and a deepening spiritual life.

And if you find that all the above suggestions fall flat for you, or seem to be insurmountable obstacles, try looking into The Work of Byron Katie (www.thework.org) which can help you deal with the beliefs that come up that are getting in the way of your success. Once these blocks in your belief system are moved aside, you can more easily move forward and make positive shifts in your life.

We'll continue this topic of food and body image over the coming months. Any suggestions, questions, or requests surrounding this topic, please post them here and we will cover them in future "My Cup of Chi" postings.

Here's to your heart's true nourishment!

Stephanie

What's slowing YOU down?

Have you taken a fearless inventory of your life lately? When you imagine living your greatest possibility, what do you see? And what current behaviors and patterns are incompatible with that desired image?

For myself, my biggest stumbling block & drain on my energy would be my relationship with food. It's my addiction, without a doubt. So what's yours? What's your vice? It could be as dramatic as alcohol, or as subtle as being addicted to emails or gossip. And if your first reaction is... "I'm not addicted to anything!", think again. I've yet to meet a human being that wasn't addicted to SOMETHING.

So, I'm addicted to food. For me, overeating and not listening to my body's natural sense of hunger and fullness is a way of not dealing with uncomfortable, underlying feelings, a way of protecting myself from my hypersensitivity to my environment, a means of self-sabotage, and a way of keeping me acting like a child. Now, at one point in our lives these vices have served a purpose. But as adults, especially in this day and age when I believe our transformation as a collective is so deserately important, we don't have time to be children any longer. As a whole, we've simply got to GROW UP! It's time. And it starts within each one of us. For me, I need to step up to the plate, take a deep breath and bravely face life and situations differently than before. It's time to feel my feelings, exploring my internal computer and reboot if necessary.

How do YOU want to take this trip? For me, I want it to rest easy on my deathbed knowing that I lived fully, honestly, lovingly and bravely. How about you? What do YOU want to look back on when you're on your own death bed? Sorry if this sounds a bit morbid, but it's a very important question - and much easier to ask now, than once we're already lying on it.

To live the life of my dreams, my relationship with food obviously needs closer examining. It's an area where I lose my connection to God. I feel hollow, spiritually hungry, and self-absorbed around the area of food. It's lonely, dark, and desperate. But some of you might say, "Stephanie, you're the thinnest you've ever been!". Yet my weight and my peace with food have nothing to do with one another. Pain is pain, whether someone else can see it or not. Yes, granted, it's far smaller and quieter than it was years ago. But that is unimportant. Even if it's the size of a pinhead, if I'm losing my power in that area, it's worth exploring.

Where do YOU lose your spirit? What areas of your life could use a little TLC? What patterns would have to shift in order for you to live the life of your dreams? (Pick only one for now - we have a tendency to overwhelm ourselves to sabotage our efforts, so make it simple so you can see tangible results).

For seven weeks now I've made it my highest goal to find peace around food. I'm eating when I'm hungry, eating exactly what my body is calling for, and stopping when I'm full. It's exhillerating and painful all at the same time. I'm realizing that I've never been "normal" with food in 36 years. I'm noticing that there is a lot of stress in my thinking that the food was covering up. I'm realizing even more deeply the impact my food addiction was having on my life and how amazing things can be in the future if this burden was lifted. I'm turning the struggle over to something higher. I'm giving my connection to God instead of the food. And I'm dealing with the feelings that are left. I've made a pact to the Universe that I will do everything in my power to live my greatest possibility.

So when you take a fearless inventory of your life, what stands out to you? What needs healing within you? What area in your life, hidden or not, dims your amazing internal light? And what's keeping you from living YOUR greatest possibility?

There's never been a better time to change your life. The planet needs you. Your country needs you. Your community and family needs you. YOU need you. Now's the time to be the best you can possibly be...

Just Listen & Follow Directions

Life is basically a pretty simple process. But somehow when human beings get involved, we have the urge to complicate everything!

The body is created to feel hunger — it's a simple sign that it's time to eat. Our body feels fullness — that's how we know to stop.

Same goes for thirst, sleep, and on down the line. Yet sometimes these messages can get a bit subtle. But if we're honest with ourselves, don't we get messages all the time?

"Wash the dishes".
"Brush our teeth".
"Slow down".
"Stop and pick up that trash".
"Call your friend".
"Quit your job".

If we just learned to pay attention to the small, soft little voice within us, it will gladly guide our lives in an effortless, easy, miraculous way. Where this voice comes from, who's to say. Perhaps it's "God", or perhaps it's just the wiser inner part of ourselves, or it's a message from somewhere else... Regardless, I've found this voice to have wisdom beyond what my ego and personality could ever hope to have. But boy, listening up and following these directions is another story! Whew...

How many of you feel as I do sometimes: That you have lost control of your own spirit and find it challenging to listen to your inner guide? Are you frustrated when you KNOW to do something, but you simple don't do it?

Today let's play together and support one another as we practice listening and following directions. We do this by humbling ourselves, simplifying our lives, and give our path and purpose over to something much greater.

I'll admit, my ego fights this all the time. But when I do show up and just listen, miracles occur. I turn left instead of right at a familiar corner, and run into a long-lost friend.... I pick up the phone and call a friend, only to receive an inside tip on a dream-job becoming available... I get the feeling to wash the dishes, only to find out that a relative is about to come over for an unexpected visit...

We make life so much harder than it has to be. Myself included. But what if we just listen and follow directions today? What if instead of going to the gym, we work on our "listening" muscle instead? The more use it gets, the stronger it grows and the louder it sounds. Our lives in turn will run as effortlessly as a river stream, bending, turning and flowing through life's amazing landscape.

Share what you accomplish today, big or small, in terms of listening up, and may the force be with you!

Chi-Upper:

" Live every day like it's your last
—cause one day you're gonna be right. "

Ray Charles

Chi-Upper...

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."
—T.E. Lawrence

When It Comes to You, Do It!

Do you ever get a little gut feeling about something? Do you ever hear a little voice inside, urging you to make a move, make a change, take an action or simply pick up the phone and call your Aunt Linda?...

And have you ever had the experience of NOT listening to that wise inner chatter? Have you ever kicked yourself saying "I KNEW I should have done that... Why, I was just thinking about doing that just the other day!". Many people can relate to this. I sure can.

I've come to believe and trust that there's an internal guidance system at work inside all of us. Some of us are just tuned to a clearer frequency where we can hear the messages a bit louder, and surely clearer. But others of us have some much alternate chatter and garbage filling up our minds, it would be impossible to hear our own inner guidance over the roaring motor of our chattery brains.

What I've also come to know for myself, is that each time I'm able to listen to my own inner wisdom, it somehow seems to get stronger and louder. Like a muscle that you train at the gym - over time it can become a sleek, powerful, efficient tool. Same goes for the inner voice.

So now when I walk down the street, and I get the feeling to pick up a piece of paper or candy wrapper, I just do it. And not to save the environment or to be a good person. But just because it FEELS good to listen to this inner wisdom. I hurt myself when I don't follow my own rules.

Just the other day, I was running a bit late for a lunch date. I passed a woman on the street who reached out and asked me for some money so she could feed her little boy. Being late for my appointment, and definitely not in my body, I acknowledged her but kept walking quickly to my appointment. But even over my stress about being late, I could feel that very familiar feeling in my gut - telling me loud and clear to stop for a moment and share what I had with this woman. There was no denying the message. As I continued down the street my stomach clenched, and I knew I'd gone against my own wisdom. And NOT because I have a belief that I need to save this woman, or help every homeless person. It has nothing to do with that. But has EVERYTHING to do with trusting and following my own internal directions. I do these things because it makes me FEEL good. And life goes smoothly when I do so.

When I got to the end of the block, I stopped. I dug through my purse and pulled out ever bill I had with me. I clenched them in my fist and turned around to give what I had to the woman and child. But it was too late... they were no where to be seen. I'd missed my chance. They were long gone. And I've felt rather icky about that situation ever since.

Sometimes when we don't act immediately when there's the impulse to do so, opportunities fade. Getting good at listening to your instincts and taking action can make you very fluid, agile and abundant, not to mention just feeling so gosh-darn good!

It makes life quite simple, actually. All I do now is follow directions. I wait for the little whisper, and then take action. I've found that's literally all I have to do. Every detail of my life is taken care of for me. I just have to show up and do what I'm told. Sound a bit weird? I can understand why - we've been trained to control our environments, make things happen, push forward and pave our own paths. But I've found that by "following directions", I get even better results than anything my ego could dictate. There's a more brilliant plan laid out for me than I could ever hope to come up with. I'm not that smart - I'm definitely not God.

I'll readily admit that I'm not perfect at this yet. I don't do this all the time (as I shared above). But boy, I suffer when I don't. I must admit, I'm quite enjoying trusting that the Universe will provide. It's comforting, and the results couldn't be more spectacular, in my experience.

So where can you fine-tune your instincts? Where can you take a few steps towards listening to your guy feelings?

• Picking up trash?
• Making a phone call when someone pops into your mind?
• Turning left, instead of right? (or vice versa, of course!)
• Taking a course in something totally unrelated to your field / following a new life path or passion?
• Saying something kind to someone or giving a hand when you get the urge to do so?
• Changing your schedule if some other task or errand comes to mind?
• And any of a million other things your mind can whisper to you!

Life can be quite magical when we just show up and follow directions. Report back your results — I'd love to hear your inspiring stories! You may only be left with the thought "Boy, why didn't anybody tell me it was this easy when I was a kid?!"

Happy "Listening"!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
—Robert Cushing

Don't Major in Minors

I'm friends with a spit-fire named Michelle. Just the other day she turned to me during our ritual Monday evening spinning class, and said "You know Steph, I just can't major in minors anymore!" and then went back to her biking.

Michelle, being famous for zippy one-liners like this, made a very good point. How many of us stress out about small things all the time? How many of us are burning up so much adrenaline on the small stuff, that we have little left for the situations or events that might need a bit more attention or care? How many of us have lost our ability to see our lives clearly and have started seeing the littlest things as raging forest fires? I know I can do this at times. I imagine many of you are nodding your heads along with me...

So what do we do about this? After a while, our focus on the negative can become a bit of a bad habit. Like an old man who's walked the same narrow path through a field 100 times a day for 80 years, the path can get worn so deep that he's up to his eyeballs in dirt. Sometimes it's tough to even remind himself of the beauty of that field just above his head. How many of us have become this old man with the habits and patterns in our own lives?

I find that in those moments when I'm "majoring in minors", taking a good deep cleansing breath and releasing it with a sigh does wonders for clearing the body's energy, and rebooting our internal program. When we have more time, sitting and enjoying any number of self-reflective activities can help get underneath the issue to find the belief at the root of it all. "The Work" of Byron Katie is of course my favorite practice, but journaling, meditating, or talking it through with a friend can also be of huge benefit. Once we shine the ol' mental flashlight on those limiting beliefs, they disappear, never to return. Like Byron Katie loves to say, it's like realizing that a snake lying in front of you is actually just a rope. Once you realize it's a rope, you can never be afraid of it again.

In the college of life, what will YOU major in today? The choice is up to you...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams