Finding Strength in Weakness

I cry a lot. I never thought of myself as a crier, but I've found that it's pretty easy to get the face-faucet flowing now-a-days... I also ask for help now. I love help. It's new to me, but I'm starting to quite enjoy it.

I've gone through a lot of things in my life. Plenty of struggles. Lots of depression. Buckets of low-self esteem. You name it, I can relate. But I've come to realize over these many years that I had something completely backwards. I had it ALL wrong when it came to being "strong".

I used to pretend that nothing could touch me. You could spit in my face and I could stand before you with a grin. I faked "togetherness". I acted the part of the "tough girl" quite well. But underneath it all, I was terrified. And the stronger my outer shell, the squishier the emotions underneath.

So I suppose I've become stronger as the years click by. I'm not afraid to be wrong, to be rejected, to be criticized. You see, the more I've learned and the stronger I've become, the less I worry what others think. I'm fine if people say I'm ugly, stupid, naive, fat, or untalented. For the most part, I've come to embrace all the different nuances about myself, and can basically find the truth in any condemnation or praise. It's all me, and I embrace ever adorable cell of the package I've been given.

So I ask you, do you want to live a life for others approval, or will you be brave enough to live inside this skin of yours solely for your own integrity, love and compassion? Are you strong enough to fall apart today? Are you brave enough to ask for a hand? Are you man enough to show us who you really are?

Funny thing is, the less you pretend, the more we'll end up loving you in the long run — who you REALLY are, not you bad impersonation. Funny how that works...

(Need a tissue?)

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams