What if?

What if nothing was real?
What if everything was an illusion?
What if everyone was an actor in the play of your life?
And what if each and every scenario was choreographed only for your highest good?

On some very deep level, I believe this to be the case (or at least enjoy imagining this to be true).

When someone betrays me, perhaps it's just God in disguise. When someone criticizes me, perhaps that too is God. And when someone takes something from me, what if it's just God once again? The challenge come in figuring out what we're to learn from each encounter...

Earlier this evening, after showing some friends a sneak-peak at footage from my show, two made several critiques and suggestions about my future wardrobe. They spent MANY minutes sharing every thought they could muster about what I should wear, what looks best, and what colors I should consider for the future. And I got....... well....... PISSED.

Sitting on the subway ride home, I looked around at the faces. God disguised as strangers on the train. God smiling at me. God staring at me. God ignoring me. God fighting with another passenger. All sent here to hold up a mirror - for me to see my beliefs projected outward, and a chance to undo one more limiting thought so that my life (and heart) can be lighter.

Then I saw it. God disguised as wardrobe-critiquing people: here to show me where I still seek approval, here to shed light on any remaining insecurity about my own appearance, and here to shower me with another opportunity to see where I defend and separate myself from others. (But perhaps most importantly, here to shower me with constructive wardrobe advice that I obviously needed to hear!) What a gift, what a gift, what a gift.

So what if everyone that has caused you [perceived] pain was really just God in disguise? What if it's all lovingly planned so that we each learn exactly what we've come here to learn? What if we're all surrounded by nothing but angels? What if everything you encountered was nothing but GOOD.

What if?...

What if?...

What if?...

Now what will you say next time someone cuts you off in traffic?
(Say hi for me, won't you?)

It's all about love...

Love. It's the foundation of every single thing on the planet. It's the energy that we arise from. It's our nature, our core. It's who we are without our limiting beliefs.

But are you like me? Do you sometimes find it FAR too easy to find flaws in those you love? Isn't it exhileratingly painful to cut down our partner, picking apart every single microscopic way that they appear to be "less than perfect"? I've found myself holding an emotional magnifying glass up to my partner lately, at moments only choosing to see the flaws of our connection. I make a mental list of the ways I'm not getting the love I deserve. I see him as less. And it hurts...

Then a good friend of mine, who's an amazing support in my life, was telling a tale that sounded awfully familiar. She too was holding her partner to the perfection fires, and was voicing this frustration to a woman at a recent workshop she was attending. The woman turned to her after hearing this loveless tale, and asked "But how do YOU love?"

It's SO easy to get caught up in what others should be doing for us. How they should love. What they should give. Who they should be in order for us to feel fulfilled and cherished. But it is never the act of receiving love that is deeply satisfying. Yes, it feels fleetingly fabulous, I'll agree. But the deeper, exhilerating, blissful experience of GIVING love is the true gift to ourselves and others.

Ask yourself this question: What are you doing for those you love? What are you contributing to the planet? How could you make someone's day by doing the simplest of gestures? Where is it that you've forgotten the joys of giving?

Do it. And do it for the basic fact that it FEELS good to do so.

Now go put down that critical inventory list of others, even if just for 5 minutes -- long enough to batt a smile at a stranger, or give a compliment to your sweetie. Go "love-up" someone - anyone - today. You'll be glad you did (and so will they)!

"The Work" in action

Are you ready to unravel your life? Are you ready to knock down the barriers that stand between you and deep, profound happiness?

"The Work of Byron Katie" is the most profound experience I've ever encountered. I've done a LOT of work on myself in the past 2 decades, and have encountered some amazing modalities and healers, yet nothing, not even the practice of Feng Shui, has made the same impact in my life as Katie's powerful, simple process.

I need to admit something though... for the past 1-2 years I've put this process to practice very little. I've allowed myself to get swept up in my beliefs around the excitement and newness and challenge of creating a television show. And I know that this time has been perfect, because everything is always in perfect order. But just lately I felt that inner calling to take notice of the lack of peace I'm experiencing in certain parts of my life - beliefs that are creating stress around work and love that are whispering in my ear to be gently understood, explored, and unraveled on an even deeper level.

I have personally experienced deep and profound peace in my past, for extended periods of time that were magic beyond words. I know what is possible for the human spirit. Yet like anyone else, I get lost in my beliefs now and then. I continue to find areas in my life that could use some light, some love and some compassion. And since I've found such incredible peace through Byron Katie's process, I'm here to share my own process of "The Work" with you, in hopes that you and I may both experience more peace within through the journey...

"The Work" is a series of 4 questions and a turn-around that you can apply to any single belief. This is a time to get petty, and write down your true thoughts - don't try to be spiritual or wise! Also try to write simple, short statements when trying this for yourself - it will be much easier to understand at first:

1. Is it true?
2. Can you really know that it's true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without it?
* Turn Around

So let's take a look at one of my beliefs, and applying the four questions:

MEN SHOULDN'T REJECT ME BASED SOLELY ON MY APPEARANCE.

QUESTION 1: Is it true that men shouldn't reject me?
ANSWER 1: Yes. Men shouldn't reject me based on my looks... it's painful and shallow and petty. They should love me for who I am... They should see the real me and love or leave me for THAT reason only.

QUESTION 2: Is it REALLY true that men shouldn't reject me based on looks?
ANSWER 2: Well, maybe not. What is, is. On this planet, men reject women based on looks...sometimes. It's what happens.
It feels bad inside me to dictate how the world should operate, or how someone should feel about me. It feels bossy, like I'm playing God, and I feel more like a dictator. It's unkind, arrogant, and doesn't feel like my nature.

Do I even NEED an man's approval? Would I die if I were alone? Would I crumble if a man rejected me again? I'm pretty sure I'd keep breathing.... I'm pretty sure I'd keep moving forward... My happiness isn't dependent on anything outside myself.

And can I really know that someone has ever rejected me based solely on my looks? Often times it definitely LOOKED like I was being rejected for that reason. Sometimes they even TOLD me that. But I'll never know what goes on inside someone else's head or know their true motivations... All I know is, when I have rejected someone in my past, it's been because of fear or insecurity on my part. So perhaps it's the same with some men. I can't know...

And who's business is it who they reject? Theirs. Who's business is it who I choose to "reject"? Mine. When I get into someone else's business, I hurt. I'm outside myself...and it's lonely.

So all this being said, no... I can't know that men shouldn't reject me. Maybe, just maybe, it's not true....

QUESTION 3: How do I react when I hold the belief that men shouldn't reject me for my looks?
ANSWER 3: I feel insecure. I act phony. I try to be something I'm not. I try to look a certain way, and then don't feel like myself, but rather an actress. It feels unnatural, and uncomfortable. I don't give some men the benefit of the doubt that they could actually love me for myself, or find me attractive as I am. I doubt their motives. I don't trust them when they say they love me. I hide, protect myself from rejection by not putting myself "out there". I approach men with the belief that they could hurt me, so there's usually a distancing that happens. It's lonely... fearful... untrusting.... I feel deep down that I'm not good enough as I am.

QUESTION 4: Who would I be without the thought that men shouldn't reject me based on my looks?
ANSWER 4: I'd have an open heart. I'd love them, no matter what. I'd be more compassionate, even if they reject me. I'd feel strong, secure, loving and powerful in front of a man. I'd be happy, with or without a man. I'd feel sexy, beautiful and worthy at every moment. I would feel connected, intimate and loving with all men. I wouldn't think about how I looked, but rather would be thinking about THEM instead. I wouldn't feel needy or clingy or insecure, but rather, lovingly unattached. And I'd feel GREAT about running all over town naked! (laugh)

TURN-AROUND 1: Men SHOULD reject me.
(Turn-arounds are just a way to try on the opposite of what we've been thinking. Often times, you will find that the turn-arounds are as true, if not truer, than the original belief. Also, quite often you will find more than 1 turn-around for a statement, as show below)
TURN-AROUND 1 RESPONSE: How do I know men should reject me? They do... sometimes. When I say that anything outside myself should be other than it is, I'm going to lose. ALWAYS. Things happen as they happen. When we oppose this, we get pain. Pain is a brilliant indicator that we're attached to a lie, or a belief that simply isn't true for us. In those moments, we're going against what is, and it always hurts.

And perhaps I NEEDED men to reject me based on my looks. Perhaps that's my path. Maybe that's been my opportunity to grow and find God. It has allowed me over the years to love myself and others on a deeper, less-superficial level. Through rejection, I now love people for their hearts, not their looks. I don't allow physical things to come between my connection and love for others. In hindsight, these situations have been amazing gifts that have made me who I am today -- a learning opportunity I wouldn't take back if I could, no matter how painful they were in the moment.

TURN-AROUND 2: I shouldn't reject men because of looks.
TURN-AROUND 2 RESPONSE: This belief is for ME to live, not anyone else. Our individual belief systems are OUR own unique prescriptions for happiness. It is for me to learn to love people unconditionally, not others. Every belief in my head is for ME to follow. They are my rules for happiness...period. Where can I learn to love people less superficially? How can I be a teacher to others of how to love, regardless of looks?

By taking this in deeply, and living it myself, it has brought me my wonderful boyfriend who thinks I'm the cat's meow! I'm tall, he's short. I'm more of a "yuppie" and he's got long hair and rides a motorcycle. I'm into health food, and he's into burgers and fries. Would I have been so open to our differences if it hadn't been for my perceived "rejections" by men? We'll never know...

TURN-AROUND 3: I shouldn't reject me based solely on my appearance.
TURN-AROUND 3 RESPONSE: If I don't want men to reject me, how about I try it first? I reject me (in my mind) all day long. Somehow I think it should be easy to love regardless of my looks, but I can't seem to do it with my very own self!!! How about I learn to love my looks unconditionally, and THEN go dictate this belief to all men around the planet!

I'm humbled when I see that I have everything in common with the men who have "rejected" me in the past. We BOTH can't seem to accept my looks! (smile) So let the work begin with me. Let ME learn to love ME unconditionally. And if I figure that out in this lifetime, I probably will feel so full and complete that it won't matter if EVERY person rejects me on the planet! I'll be free to love others the way I had been trying to get them to love me. It's the act of loving that feels so good, not the receiving of it. I can live as an example of unconditional love. I can finally be a true teacher...

As Katie often says... "If I had a prayer, it would be: Please God, spare me from the desire to receive love, approval or acceptance. Amen." Desiring love is painful. Giving love is where the beauty lies.

TURN-AROUND 4: My thinking shouldn't reject me based solely on my appearance.
(Replacing "my thinking" in the turn-around stage can often times be helpful. It can take the statement to another level of exploration... )
TURN-AROUND 4 RESPONSE: My thinking is the only problem in this situation. Without the thought that people should find me attractive, I am neutral... able to stand in front of them, "thoughtless", open and loving. Without my attachment to this belief, there is no pain, no suffering... just peace and love. Thoughts are neutral until I attach to them... When I believe my thoughts, I'm in pain.

There are many more levels of doing "The Work" which we can explore at another time. For more information and background on "The Work of Byron Katie", as well as a free downloadable worksheet, go to www.THEWORK.com. You can also go to YouTube and watch the many samples posted there of her process in action. Also, please write if you'd like me to send you audio samples of "The Work" - I have thousands of examples, and would be more than happy to share them with any of you...

If any of you would like to try doing "The Work", please email your writings to me. If you get stuck, just ask. And if you would be open to me posting them here, let me know. They can be a great tool for others...

With lots of love,

Stephanie

When Food is Love

It seems as if every woman I talk to has some sort of disconnect surrounding food. Heck, even some of my male friends seem to be affected as well. Whether thin or curvy, older or younger, food seems to have an interesting hold on many of our hearts. Also let me remind you that I write each and every one of these articles for myself and my own healing. I write what I'm learning about, right along side you. We're in this together, this dance through life. We're all teachers and students, often at the same time.

So, back to food.... Food is always there for us. It's always comforting. And ALWAYS delicious! Yet this is only true when we eat the amounts our bodies want, when our bodies want it. Overeating seems like a good idea in the moment, but that's only in the moment. In the long run it's more like a bad boyfriend. It promises the world, only to let you down in the end. You give up everything for him... your time, your thoughts, your body, your health only to be slapped and abused by low self-image, tight clothes, debt, spiritual starvation and a slew of weight-related health issues. So is food REALLY love? Can food ever fill our spirits, or give us a full, loving, satisfying life? I think not. But how in the world can we remember this when food seems to have such a strong pull?

I believe that we can use any challenge, struggle, or addiction as a pathway to spiritual freedom. I'm using my own struggles with food as a way to powerfully connect me to God. When I can shift my focus onto my feeling of connection, and off of food, I gain something more filling than words can describe, and less pounds on the hips in return. Finding that very personal connection to God comes in different forms, down different paths. That's for you to explore on your own.

But solely in terms of food, since it's a hard vice to avoid altogether, here are 10 tips that might be just the reminder to snap you back into reality and help you once and for all break up with that no-good lover, overeating. If you're ready to break up, try on one or more of the following, and hopefully try on a smaller dress size as well:

1. Eat when you're hungry.
The body was built perfectly to desire food when it needs it, and only then. Following your internal, natural cues is the simplest way to honor yourself , your life and your family.

2. Eat whatever your body is calling for.
Allow yourself to eat what you're desiring. Deprivation only leads to binges. As Geneen Roth so wisely says "For every diet there is an equal and opposite binge". It's one of the biggest laws of the universe. Your body is wise beyond measure - if you can learn to listen to it, it will know exactly what nutrients it needs. It may take you time to differentiate between head and body hunger: one comes from all the years of deprivation, the other is softer, wiser and comes from a vast internal knowing that always directs you perfectly to balance and health. Whether it's pizza or pineapple, kale or cookies, let the wise inner voice do the choosing, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

3. Make eating a sacred occasion.
I light a candle before my meals. I eat at the table, sometimes enjoying some relaxing music. Honor yourself and your body with a lovely environment. Creating a ritual to begin your meals, such as lighting a candle, can separate and distinguish your meals from the rest of your day, and establish a quiet sacredness to the act of eating. You deserve that!

4. Eat in silence or to soothing music.
How many of you eat in front of the TV? Or eat in frenetic, stressful home environments? Or at busy office desks? Give yourselves the gift of a pleasant, focused environment. I know for myself, this was one of the TOUGHEST ones to embrace. I was terrified to be alone with my thoughts and to be faced with the obvious disconnect I felt around food. But there's no time like the present to undo this habit, face your fears and do it anyway. Once you shine a light on your dark thoughts around food and meet them with love and understanding, they vanish in a puff of smoke. Be gentle with yourself... It's time to take a bite out of this fear of silence, and instead take a bite out of some delicious food!

5. Get the best quality available when you can.
Depending on your financial and environmental circumstances, start looking for the best quality food available to you. Last night I learned this lesson again for myself. I wanted vegetable stir-fry, but the only vegetables available were rubbery, waxy and lighter in color than normal. I could have taken the time to run in to a store around the street from my home, but I didn't. Cutting up the vegetables, I could tell they were lifeless. And once cooked, they tasted about as good as they looked. Ug. Then, to top it off, I also treated myself by buying a container of green tea ice cream. But I didn't get the brand I really wanted... something that looked decadent and rich and more expensive. I went with the simpler brand. At the end of my meal, I took a spoonful of ice cream and almost did a spit-take across the dining room table.
Before, I would have eaten it, regardless of how badly it tasted, and my desire to save money ended up costing me a pint of green tea ice cream sitting upside down in my trashcan. But now I'm enjoying buying less, but buying better quality foods. I enjoy good dark chocolate. I enjoy gourmet cheeses. I enjoy fresh-baked breads. I enjoy locally grown foods. They say we are what we eat, and I find this to be true. Does it feel good eating meats that come from sad and unhealthy animals who spend tortured lives in small cages? Can we tell the difference between canned vegetables vs. a beautiful green bouquet of fresh collard greens? It's not to say that we should spend more than we have. But within our limits, what's the best, most delicious choice we can make?

6. Chew.
Remember, your stomach can't taste anything -- only your tongue has taste buds. So why not savor the flavor of what you're eating? Let the food melt and fill your entire mouth. When you're eating what your body's calling for, and eating when you're hungry, everything will taste so much better. And there's a side benefit to chewing. When you chew your food, it mixes with the saliva in your mouth, helping your stomach to better break down the contents of your meal. If you chew, and chew well, you'll get tons more energy from the food itself, pull out lots of vital vitamins and minerals, experience less digestive troubles and eat much less. When you take the time to slow down and chew, your body gets the time it needs to begin the digestive process and give your body the signal that it's filling up. This process takes about 20 minutes. So if your tendency is to overeat, slowing down gives you the time to listen to your own internal fullness signal. It also helps stretch out a delicious meal so you've got more time to savor the flavors!

7. Have Gratitude.
If we have issues surrounding food and eating, it stems from our disconnect from God and a deep self-hatred. Turning our attentions toward our connection to the Universe and all that's magical sets a very different tone than our normal focus on food. Experiencing gratitude throughout our lives, especially with food, is an amazing experience. It helps us to enjoy the food, but not worship it. This fixation and worship of food in the past has gotten us nothing but pain. But if we can shit our fixation and worship to something much greater, we'll feel full in a way that we may have never known. And then food can take it's place in our life... simply as something to be enjoyed and fuel our bodies, but nothing more. Some of us have given our power over to food. But at your next meal, how about approaching the plate with humble gratitude? How amazing a gift to have such great food, a roof over our heads, and air to breath. The basics of life, and we've go 'em! Appreciating and honoring the simple things in our lives can expand our hearts, allowing more and more magic to flood in. Now THAT'S yummy!

8. Have fun!
Watch a child eat. Just watch them! They touch, rub, smush, mash, swirl and twirl their food. When's the last time YOU did this? When's the last time you lost all etiquette and juggled grapes or made smiley faces in your mashed potatoes? How did eating get so serious for us adults? Couldn't this world, in all areas, use a little lightening up? Imagine what the world might be like if George Bush played "airplane" with his green beans... and just imagine how things would be if all our world leaders built tee pees with their pancakes... Today, promise me that you will be silly. Downright childish. Life's too short to take something like food so seriously!

9. Share with a friend.
Throughout the centuries, food has been a focal point when coming together with one's we love. Celebrate your relationships by sharing a meal. People in our lives are precious. And food is precious. So bring two yummy things together and cherish all life's abundance with a good friend and a good meal.

10. Stop when you're full.
Yes, that's right... STOP. And that's the tough part, which is why I saved it for last. I've spent a lifetime on this piece of the puzzle, and it can be a challenge for sure. But there's nothing more satisfying (no pun intended) than to walk away from a meal feeling comfortably full and energized. Honor your body and all it's done for you by not stuffing it to the gills. Never you fear - you'll be hungry again in no time, and you can enjoy another meal of whatever foods you desire. Fill yourself up with love, passion and a deepening spiritual life.

And if you find that all the above suggestions fall flat for you, or seem to be insurmountable obstacles, try looking into The Work of Byron Katie (www.thework.org) which can help you deal with the beliefs that come up that are getting in the way of your success. Once these blocks in your belief system are moved aside, you can more easily move forward and make positive shifts in your life.

We'll continue this topic of food and body image over the coming months. Any suggestions, questions, or requests surrounding this topic, please post them here and we will cover them in future "My Cup of Chi" postings.

Here's to your heart's true nourishment!

Stephanie

What's slowing YOU down?

Have you taken a fearless inventory of your life lately? When you imagine living your greatest possibility, what do you see? And what current behaviors and patterns are incompatible with that desired image?

For myself, my biggest stumbling block & drain on my energy would be my relationship with food. It's my addiction, without a doubt. So what's yours? What's your vice? It could be as dramatic as alcohol, or as subtle as being addicted to emails or gossip. And if your first reaction is... "I'm not addicted to anything!", think again. I've yet to meet a human being that wasn't addicted to SOMETHING.

So, I'm addicted to food. For me, overeating and not listening to my body's natural sense of hunger and fullness is a way of not dealing with uncomfortable, underlying feelings, a way of protecting myself from my hypersensitivity to my environment, a means of self-sabotage, and a way of keeping me acting like a child. Now, at one point in our lives these vices have served a purpose. But as adults, especially in this day and age when I believe our transformation as a collective is so deserately important, we don't have time to be children any longer. As a whole, we've simply got to GROW UP! It's time. And it starts within each one of us. For me, I need to step up to the plate, take a deep breath and bravely face life and situations differently than before. It's time to feel my feelings, exploring my internal computer and reboot if necessary.

How do YOU want to take this trip? For me, I want it to rest easy on my deathbed knowing that I lived fully, honestly, lovingly and bravely. How about you? What do YOU want to look back on when you're on your own death bed? Sorry if this sounds a bit morbid, but it's a very important question - and much easier to ask now, than once we're already lying on it.

To live the life of my dreams, my relationship with food obviously needs closer examining. It's an area where I lose my connection to God. I feel hollow, spiritually hungry, and self-absorbed around the area of food. It's lonely, dark, and desperate. But some of you might say, "Stephanie, you're the thinnest you've ever been!". Yet my weight and my peace with food have nothing to do with one another. Pain is pain, whether someone else can see it or not. Yes, granted, it's far smaller and quieter than it was years ago. But that is unimportant. Even if it's the size of a pinhead, if I'm losing my power in that area, it's worth exploring.

Where do YOU lose your spirit? What areas of your life could use a little TLC? What patterns would have to shift in order for you to live the life of your dreams? (Pick only one for now - we have a tendency to overwhelm ourselves to sabotage our efforts, so make it simple so you can see tangible results).

For seven weeks now I've made it my highest goal to find peace around food. I'm eating when I'm hungry, eating exactly what my body is calling for, and stopping when I'm full. It's exhillerating and painful all at the same time. I'm realizing that I've never been "normal" with food in 36 years. I'm noticing that there is a lot of stress in my thinking that the food was covering up. I'm realizing even more deeply the impact my food addiction was having on my life and how amazing things can be in the future if this burden was lifted. I'm turning the struggle over to something higher. I'm giving my connection to God instead of the food. And I'm dealing with the feelings that are left. I've made a pact to the Universe that I will do everything in my power to live my greatest possibility.

So when you take a fearless inventory of your life, what stands out to you? What needs healing within you? What area in your life, hidden or not, dims your amazing internal light? And what's keeping you from living YOUR greatest possibility?

There's never been a better time to change your life. The planet needs you. Your country needs you. Your community and family needs you. YOU need you. Now's the time to be the best you can possibly be...

Just Listen & Follow Directions

Life is basically a pretty simple process. But somehow when human beings get involved, we have the urge to complicate everything!

The body is created to feel hunger — it's a simple sign that it's time to eat. Our body feels fullness — that's how we know to stop.

Same goes for thirst, sleep, and on down the line. Yet sometimes these messages can get a bit subtle. But if we're honest with ourselves, don't we get messages all the time?

"Wash the dishes".
"Brush our teeth".
"Slow down".
"Stop and pick up that trash".
"Call your friend".
"Quit your job".

If we just learned to pay attention to the small, soft little voice within us, it will gladly guide our lives in an effortless, easy, miraculous way. Where this voice comes from, who's to say. Perhaps it's "God", or perhaps it's just the wiser inner part of ourselves, or it's a message from somewhere else... Regardless, I've found this voice to have wisdom beyond what my ego and personality could ever hope to have. But boy, listening up and following these directions is another story! Whew...

How many of you feel as I do sometimes: That you have lost control of your own spirit and find it challenging to listen to your inner guide? Are you frustrated when you KNOW to do something, but you simple don't do it?

Today let's play together and support one another as we practice listening and following directions. We do this by humbling ourselves, simplifying our lives, and give our path and purpose over to something much greater.

I'll admit, my ego fights this all the time. But when I do show up and just listen, miracles occur. I turn left instead of right at a familiar corner, and run into a long-lost friend.... I pick up the phone and call a friend, only to receive an inside tip on a dream-job becoming available... I get the feeling to wash the dishes, only to find out that a relative is about to come over for an unexpected visit...

We make life so much harder than it has to be. Myself included. But what if we just listen and follow directions today? What if instead of going to the gym, we work on our "listening" muscle instead? The more use it gets, the stronger it grows and the louder it sounds. Our lives in turn will run as effortlessly as a river stream, bending, turning and flowing through life's amazing landscape.

Share what you accomplish today, big or small, in terms of listening up, and may the force be with you!

Chi-Upper:

" Live every day like it's your last
—cause one day you're gonna be right. "

Ray Charles

Chi-Upper...

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."
—T.E. Lawrence

When It Comes to You, Do It!

Do you ever get a little gut feeling about something? Do you ever hear a little voice inside, urging you to make a move, make a change, take an action or simply pick up the phone and call your Aunt Linda?...

And have you ever had the experience of NOT listening to that wise inner chatter? Have you ever kicked yourself saying "I KNEW I should have done that... Why, I was just thinking about doing that just the other day!". Many people can relate to this. I sure can.

I've come to believe and trust that there's an internal guidance system at work inside all of us. Some of us are just tuned to a clearer frequency where we can hear the messages a bit louder, and surely clearer. But others of us have some much alternate chatter and garbage filling up our minds, it would be impossible to hear our own inner guidance over the roaring motor of our chattery brains.

What I've also come to know for myself, is that each time I'm able to listen to my own inner wisdom, it somehow seems to get stronger and louder. Like a muscle that you train at the gym - over time it can become a sleek, powerful, efficient tool. Same goes for the inner voice.

So now when I walk down the street, and I get the feeling to pick up a piece of paper or candy wrapper, I just do it. And not to save the environment or to be a good person. But just because it FEELS good to listen to this inner wisdom. I hurt myself when I don't follow my own rules.

Just the other day, I was running a bit late for a lunch date. I passed a woman on the street who reached out and asked me for some money so she could feed her little boy. Being late for my appointment, and definitely not in my body, I acknowledged her but kept walking quickly to my appointment. But even over my stress about being late, I could feel that very familiar feeling in my gut - telling me loud and clear to stop for a moment and share what I had with this woman. There was no denying the message. As I continued down the street my stomach clenched, and I knew I'd gone against my own wisdom. And NOT because I have a belief that I need to save this woman, or help every homeless person. It has nothing to do with that. But has EVERYTHING to do with trusting and following my own internal directions. I do these things because it makes me FEEL good. And life goes smoothly when I do so.

When I got to the end of the block, I stopped. I dug through my purse and pulled out ever bill I had with me. I clenched them in my fist and turned around to give what I had to the woman and child. But it was too late... they were no where to be seen. I'd missed my chance. They were long gone. And I've felt rather icky about that situation ever since.

Sometimes when we don't act immediately when there's the impulse to do so, opportunities fade. Getting good at listening to your instincts and taking action can make you very fluid, agile and abundant, not to mention just feeling so gosh-darn good!

It makes life quite simple, actually. All I do now is follow directions. I wait for the little whisper, and then take action. I've found that's literally all I have to do. Every detail of my life is taken care of for me. I just have to show up and do what I'm told. Sound a bit weird? I can understand why - we've been trained to control our environments, make things happen, push forward and pave our own paths. But I've found that by "following directions", I get even better results than anything my ego could dictate. There's a more brilliant plan laid out for me than I could ever hope to come up with. I'm not that smart - I'm definitely not God.

I'll readily admit that I'm not perfect at this yet. I don't do this all the time (as I shared above). But boy, I suffer when I don't. I must admit, I'm quite enjoying trusting that the Universe will provide. It's comforting, and the results couldn't be more spectacular, in my experience.

So where can you fine-tune your instincts? Where can you take a few steps towards listening to your guy feelings?

• Picking up trash?
• Making a phone call when someone pops into your mind?
• Turning left, instead of right? (or vice versa, of course!)
• Taking a course in something totally unrelated to your field / following a new life path or passion?
• Saying something kind to someone or giving a hand when you get the urge to do so?
• Changing your schedule if some other task or errand comes to mind?
• And any of a million other things your mind can whisper to you!

Life can be quite magical when we just show up and follow directions. Report back your results — I'd love to hear your inspiring stories! You may only be left with the thought "Boy, why didn't anybody tell me it was this easy when I was a kid?!"

Happy "Listening"!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
—Robert Cushing

Don't Major in Minors

I'm friends with a spit-fire named Michelle. Just the other day she turned to me during our ritual Monday evening spinning class, and said "You know Steph, I just can't major in minors anymore!" and then went back to her biking.

Michelle, being famous for zippy one-liners like this, made a very good point. How many of us stress out about small things all the time? How many of us are burning up so much adrenaline on the small stuff, that we have little left for the situations or events that might need a bit more attention or care? How many of us have lost our ability to see our lives clearly and have started seeing the littlest things as raging forest fires? I know I can do this at times. I imagine many of you are nodding your heads along with me...

So what do we do about this? After a while, our focus on the negative can become a bit of a bad habit. Like an old man who's walked the same narrow path through a field 100 times a day for 80 years, the path can get worn so deep that he's up to his eyeballs in dirt. Sometimes it's tough to even remind himself of the beauty of that field just above his head. How many of us have become this old man with the habits and patterns in our own lives?

I find that in those moments when I'm "majoring in minors", taking a good deep cleansing breath and releasing it with a sigh does wonders for clearing the body's energy, and rebooting our internal program. When we have more time, sitting and enjoying any number of self-reflective activities can help get underneath the issue to find the belief at the root of it all. "The Work" of Byron Katie is of course my favorite practice, but journaling, meditating, or talking it through with a friend can also be of huge benefit. Once we shine the ol' mental flashlight on those limiting beliefs, they disappear, never to return. Like Byron Katie loves to say, it's like realizing that a snake lying in front of you is actually just a rope. Once you realize it's a rope, you can never be afraid of it again.

In the college of life, what will YOU major in today? The choice is up to you...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Careful or Anal-Retentive?

Which Cup of Chi do YOU drink from?

I see lots of interesting things happening in the spiritual community. And I run into some pretty strange things within the Feng Shui world especially.

So often I'm asked the questions, "Is this bad feng shui?", "Is it ok to put this here?", "Did I do this right?"... Fear. Fear. And a little more fear on top of that.

There is a huge difference between being aware, and being fearful; in being careful (full of care) and being anal retentive; meticulous vs. obsessive-compulsive; clean vs. germaphobe. I think you get my drift.

One way you know you might be off-balance is if you feel stress, discomfort, frustration, contraction or physical tightness when you're doing something. When you feel these sensations, you may be falling into the "fearful" category. If you feel aware, present and balanced, then you're most likely on the right track.

And keep in mind, two people could do the exact same behavior, yet one is coming from a place of peace and the other from a place of contraction. One person could be meticulously Zen about the tender love and care they give their kitchen cleaning, while another does the same exact behavior, stemming instead from nervousness and control.

We're all aiming for balance on some level in our life. If we become too rigid in one area, we become brittle. And we all know what happens to brittle things when they get hit with the unexpected! The results ain't pretty. To be peaceful is to be flexible. When we can bend with life, we're free. When we can flow like a stream, around the curves and with the tide, we feel relaxed, calm and loving. When we contract and try swimming against the flow, life become hard. And it's not a whole heck of a lot of fun.

Name an area where you're contracted and rigid... Write it down (and trust me, you're in good company: 99.9% of the population of the globe is completely anal about something).

It could anything that creates stress, such as:
• Fear of germs or disease
• Anxiety around making a mistake in Feng Shui
• Nervous around breaking any sort of daily or regular ritual
• Being overly meticulous about cleaning
• Terror about doing something wrong
• Being a perfectionist from fear of rejection
• Needing to look a certain way
• Avoiding relationships or friends in order to prevent your behavior-feather's from getting ruffled

When you've come clean on your own anal-retentive qualities, write down one small thing you could do this week that would be a stretch for you. How could you find more flexibility and peace around this topic?

Now comes the really fun part: TAKE ACTION.

Talk's just talk. Theory's just theory. Get out of your head (the thing that got you into this mess in the first place) and into your body, into the "now". Move, risk and contort those habits of yours like a bendy little Yoga master. Jump headfirst into the stream and let the current take you. There's no need to fight. There's nothing to push against. Everything is on your side. Trust, trust, trust....

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Loving What's Moi

I've been given a blog-challenge by a good friend, Carol Skolnick (www.soulsurgery.blogspot.com). I was asked to name five things I love about myself, write it in my blog, and pass the challenge along to all of YOU!

How many of you were taught never to speak highly of yourself? Were you told to be "humble", play small and keep your head down? How often do we get to compliment ourselves, boast our talents and sing our own praises? Often times, when people have voiced their own self-love, they've been condemned for being selfish or an ego-maniac. Other times folks who are outspoken about themselves were putting themselves above others in the same breath. It is possible to love yourself madly, and still be on a level playing field with your fellow man. You can think you're the cat's meow, and at the same time think the same of everyone else. So let's break this cycle of keeping ourselves small. Let's all sing our own praises -- we're all special, we're all beautiful and we're all worthy of our own tender admiration. Here's the place, and now's the time.

Please join me in this little game... When you've finished reading this, please send your own personal answers to stephanie@evolvingarts.com and I'll be glad to post your writings (with or without your name attached), or simple fill in your answers under "comments" below. We all need a little practice and reminder of our own self worth... So let the games begin!

Reasons that I love being Stephanie:

1. I love my tenaciousness.

I'll go for things, no matter how big. I'm willing to take great leaps of faith, even though I'm scared. I'll take on huge projects (tv shows) and barrel forward without looking back. I can be a tough cookie. I can be bold and brave. I adore unraveling myself, redesigning my life, embracing new information, and continually transforming my environment. I love change, I embrace the future, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to manifest a life that I love. I love that about me.

2. I love my compassion and empathy.

Since I was little, I was aware that I could easily put myself into anyone else's shoes... the bully, the loner, the "nerd"... The handicapped, the outcasts, even criminals, murders, orphans, minorities. People who were depressed, angry, confused, bitter, ashamed... You name it, I could somehow relate or understand how they felt what they felt, or did what they did. And I've yet to meet a human being that I couldn't understand and love. Not one. I love that about me.

3. I love my willingness to take hard, honest looks at myself and admit my weaknesses.

I'm pretty darn good about owning my "stuff". I know the quirks I have, I know my weaknesses. And I'll admit them to just about anybody. I'll readily admit that at moments in my life I have stolen, lied, hurt people, acted phony, led people on, played it safe, hated myself, been ashamed of my actions, been unbearably self conscious, am a loner, don't care for people sometimes, struggle with my relationship to food, manipulated people, hate my body, and the list goes on and on and on... Now sometimes this fearless inventory of myself doesn't necessarily mean that I change my behaviors, but I'll admit my weaknesses none the less. I love that about me.

4. I love that I have an amazing artistic eye.

I'm a great artist. I've got a damn good eye when it comes to art, design, interior spaces, sculpture, photography, sewing, etc. I'm a wonderful painter, with a style unlike anyone elses. I can easily do any artform that is visual. It just comes naturally to me. I SEE things differently than most and I like this special skill. It brings me lots of joy -- most everything in my life revolves around making things beautiful. I love that about me.

5. I love how intuitive I am, and how well I can read and understand people instantly.

Tuning into people is one of my strongest strengths. I can crawl into people's skin, figure out what makes them tick. I know how to make them feel comfortable or at ease, or can physically feel where their life is off and needs rebalancing. I can hear where people are stuck in their lives. I can tell where their issues are. I'm super sensitive to body language, and I take pride in how accurate and quick I've become at this skill over the years. I love that about me.

Now...what do YOU love about yourself?

(Thanks Carol! You're so inspiring... I love that about YOU!)

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
—Helen Keller

Finding Strength in Weakness

I cry a lot. I never thought of myself as a crier, but I've found that it's pretty easy to get the face-faucet flowing now-a-days... I also ask for help now. I love help. It's new to me, but I'm starting to quite enjoy it.

I've gone through a lot of things in my life. Plenty of struggles. Lots of depression. Buckets of low-self esteem. You name it, I can relate. But I've come to realize over these many years that I had something completely backwards. I had it ALL wrong when it came to being "strong".

I used to pretend that nothing could touch me. You could spit in my face and I could stand before you with a grin. I faked "togetherness". I acted the part of the "tough girl" quite well. But underneath it all, I was terrified. And the stronger my outer shell, the squishier the emotions underneath.

So I suppose I've become stronger as the years click by. I'm not afraid to be wrong, to be rejected, to be criticized. You see, the more I've learned and the stronger I've become, the less I worry what others think. I'm fine if people say I'm ugly, stupid, naive, fat, or untalented. For the most part, I've come to embrace all the different nuances about myself, and can basically find the truth in any condemnation or praise. It's all me, and I embrace ever adorable cell of the package I've been given.

So I ask you, do you want to live a life for others approval, or will you be brave enough to live inside this skin of yours solely for your own integrity, love and compassion? Are you strong enough to fall apart today? Are you brave enough to ask for a hand? Are you man enough to show us who you really are?

Funny thing is, the less you pretend, the more we'll end up loving you in the long run — who you REALLY are, not you bad impersonation. Funny how that works...

(Need a tissue?)

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
—Albert Einstein

Honoring the King

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true." —Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so I wanted to reflect on his life and teachings just a little bit today...

I want to first make a request.

Stop for a moment this week to notice something. Notice the subtety in which we judge, separate and segregate ourselves from one another. Not only on the level of race, but in all other areas where we separate from our fellow human being. Get clear and honest about your internal workings. Don't judge them, but be compassionate and tender with yourself. We all have judgements, we all separate ourselves from one another. Although it's only in the awareness of our behavior that we get the opportunity to make a change. We get the chance to love people around us a bit more deeply. We get to see beauty in those that we might have previously overlooked.

Look for judgements this week. Look for your own prejudices. Just notice them, study yourself, and become aware.

Who do you judge, even on subtle levels?
• African Americans?
• People with disabilities?
• Elderly people?
• Overweight people?
• People of the opposite sex?
• Homosexuals?
• Teenagers?
• Blondes?
• Minimum wage workers?
• Famous people?
• Men?
• Women?

What subtle stories arise throughout your day that takes you away from loving someone? Talking to someone? Smiling at someone?

I've had many humbling moments in my life that have taught me some great lessons. What you see on the outside — the wrinkles on a face, the color of the skin, the accent of one's voice, or the money in a person's pocket — often rarely dictates what resides on the inside.

I had an Algerian boyfriend who was working at a fast food restaurant, only to realize that he'd been a doctor in his home country and was only here to support his family. I have the most lovely African-American man who delivers my groceries along with his son, both of whom run businesses on the side and are some of the brightest, most personable, politically aware folks I come in contact with. I had a good friend who was deaf and homeless, and he happens to give the best bear-hugs on the planet. I have a 96 year old friend who's bound to a wheelchair, but is quick as a whip, has lived the most amazing life and is fully self-supportive. I have a sister with Down's Syndrome who is one of the funniest and most perceptive people you'd ever want to meet. And I have the sweetest boyfriend who looks like he jumped right out of an 80's hard rock video, yet has been a practicing lawyer for the past 12 years.

So walk down the street tomorrow...

Listen to the stories in your mind as the rainbow of humans cross your path...
Feel the closeness to some.
And the distance with others.

What are the stories? Are they even true? How could you love someone just a little bit more today? How could you become a little more compassionate?

Smile at a homeless person. Compliment a stranger. Pay for someone else's bill at a restaurant. Hold the door. Make a call. Take some time. TAKE AN ACTION!

Do you want more love in your life? Then go out and give it. BE the love you want to see in the world.

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Be the change you want to see in the world." —Gandhi

Pack Rat Feng Shui

I've got a dear friend who's a pack rat (to put it nicely). He saves everything, has the most "creative" way of storing his many collections, and defines organization as simply the piling and stacking of objects. He could obviously use a bit of good ol' Feng Shui 101.

This friend is also in a huge life transition, changing careers and coasts as he moves out west to sunny CA. But as I watch him pack up his things, rummaging through old letters, boxes, clothes and memorabilia, I can feel the old energy. It's palpable, heavy, and weighing him down. And a move across country seems far less daunting than staying to tend to the build-up of "stuff".

I work with LOTS of pack rats, and was a former pack rat myself. And I see the lack of awareness in so many clients in terms of the effect our "stuff" has on our life. When we surround ourselves with memories from stressful times, or from a past that was less-than-prosperous, these items chatter away at us from their individual stack, box, pile or closet. They each have voices, telling a story from a time gone by. I often ask my clients to hold each and every one of their belongings, then ask themselves if these items actually represent who they imagine themselves to be in the future. If the answer is a resounding "YES!" and inspires them forward, fantastic! And if it's holding them back, then it might be time to take a look at the deeper reasons we hold on so tightly.

Is it guilt, fear, scarcity or pain that's underneath our pack rat piles? Very often times, yes. When people talk to me of who they aspire to become in the next 2-5 years, rarely does the love note from the ex who broke their heart an uplifting object. Nor is the depressing painting from Aunt Berta that you keep out of sheer guilt. Pain is pain. Guilt is guilt. Hold onto these things as long as you like — all I ask is that you admit that you are, in fact, a glutton for punishment.

But sometimes it's simply one's fear of moving forward into the unknown that keeps the knuckles white - terror about living fully in the present, and horror about trusting that the future might actually be a safe place to visit. Then there are some pack rats that just like to hold onto every memory that comes along, and the thought of letting go of those physical reminders might as well be the same as asking them whether lighting their house on fire would be acceptable. It's no light matter. This is an internal battle of Pack-Rat life or death. Trust me when I say I've gotten some EXTREMELY strong responses to the whole "toss" topic.

When I look around at the folks I know who are the movers and shakers—the ones blazing trails—they rarely fit into the pack rat category. And when I take a look at the folks who have stayed in one place for far too long (so often because of free or rent controlled housing situations), there's much less movin' and far less shakin'. This discount-living tends to keep people from moving forward, taking risks and living BIG, afraid to lose the "great deal" they've found. I can't begin to express how many EXTREME pack rats are living in these scenarios, and their lives tend to change as quickly as the Chi moves through these jam-packed homes: SLOWLY.

Ask yourself whether you're a pack rat or not.
Ask yourself if you think this is serving you or your life.
And see if there's just one thing you can let go of today to help lighten your load.

Stagnant energy at home = stagnant energy in your life
Organized, lighter living = openness to opportunities, people and things

If there's no room in your home, there's rarely room in your life for wonderful new experiences to come in.

Try it on for size. Throw things out, hold a garage sale, give objects away, or put it all in storage. If in a year you don't feel radically different (and for the better), then give me a call. I'll gladly treat you to dinner and apologize for leading you astray....

But until then, Pack Up, or Pack Rat? Which will you choose?

The Magic of Manifesting

I've been studying the art of manifesting for over a decade now. It's become the new spiritual buzzword since the smash-hit movie "The Secret" has made unprecedented word-of-mouth impact as it's been spreading like wildfire throughout the country (www.thesecret.tv).

If you're unfamiliar with the term "manifesting", this is my basic definition: What you think about, you bring about into existence. Basically, your thoughts become things. Period.

Now I realize to some of you that this sounds just like positive-thinking mumbo-jumbo. And years ago I would have thought the same thing myself, being raised in a rather skeptical household. But after applying very specific thinking, feelings and actions in my life, the wildest of miracles have been taking place. By doing very specific and focused "meditations", I've landed a tv show, met my wonderful boyfriend, and have magically manifested objects, help, money and miracles at every turn. And all of these in lightning speed, if you can believe it.

When you think about what you desire, as if it's already come into your life, and FEEL the sensations, joy, exhileration, or excitement around already HAVING it, then it's as if you become a giant manifesting-magnet. You instantly tune yourself into all things floating in that realm of existence. Situations, people and objects gravitate to you like steel to a magnet. It's simple, if you know the rules.

We also magnetize not-so-great experiences into our life in the exact same manner. When we think about something negative, we become a Negative-Attracting Magnet. Negative people, things and experiences come flying in from every direction to glom onto your life.

The thing that I find most fascinating is my most often-asked question: "But there's no way this manifesting-business is true! I DO want more [fill in the blank]! And I focus on it all the time just like you said. But it never, EVER happens..." (I love peoples' honesty.)

But when I probe beneath the surface and hear their stories, I see a common undercurrent. Yes, they're right in that they THINK they are focusing on what they want. But in reality, and in every instance, they are actually focusing on the what they don't want instead — the lack of the desired "thing". Wanting for something is far, far different than experiencing the expectation or belief as if it's already been achieved. Wanting something just tells the world you don't have it, and you turn into a magnet for someone who "doesn't have" what they want. It draws the exact opposite of your desires to you, and many spend their entire lives not knowing this simple fact.

Do you want more money, but in actuality spend more time thinking about your credit card debt, how much things cost, the late rent payment, or the rising gas prices? By saying "I wish I were out of debt", your unconscious mind is focused on your debt. Your statement is pointing a direct arrow to the topic of "debt". And what you think about becomes reality. Think of how many people you know pay off their credit cards onto to have they maxed out again in no time. A more helpful way to live in financial abundance would be to focus on the amazing abundance already in their life. Revel in all the support from the world, even if it's just the roof over your head, food that you have to eat. And if you can stretch yourself, imagine yourself living where you'd love to live, driving the car you'd love to drive, wearing the clothes you'd love to wear. What does it feel like to live in this manner? How do you FEEL in the car, in the clothes, in the home, being loved, being adored? The feeling aspect of manifesting is the real key. It's the final ingredient in the potion that really brings out all the magic...

Try on the following statements. See them, feel them, picture the details as if they already exist:

• "I'm always organized, prompt and prepared for all situations" (instead of "I'm instead of "I don't want to be late for work")

• "I'm healthy and have lots of energy" (instead of "I don't want to be sick and feel tired anymore")

• "I'm thin, strong, and sexy" (instead of "I don't want to be fat")

• "I have money come effortlessly into my life" (rather than "I want more more money")

• "I am in a passionate, fulfilling, committed relationship" (rather than "I want to find a good man")

Is this all making sense? Are things becoming a bit clearer? Are you seeing how you create all the good and the not-so-good in your life?

Be who you want to become. See life through the eyes of those you admire. Live as you hope to live. It's then that your dreams will start becoming more than just dreams. Reality, my friend. They will become your reality.

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams