Chi-Upper:

" Live every day like it's your last
—cause one day you're gonna be right. "

Ray Charles

Chi-Upper...

"All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible."
—T.E. Lawrence

When It Comes to You, Do It!

Do you ever get a little gut feeling about something? Do you ever hear a little voice inside, urging you to make a move, make a change, take an action or simply pick up the phone and call your Aunt Linda?...

And have you ever had the experience of NOT listening to that wise inner chatter? Have you ever kicked yourself saying "I KNEW I should have done that... Why, I was just thinking about doing that just the other day!". Many people can relate to this. I sure can.

I've come to believe and trust that there's an internal guidance system at work inside all of us. Some of us are just tuned to a clearer frequency where we can hear the messages a bit louder, and surely clearer. But others of us have some much alternate chatter and garbage filling up our minds, it would be impossible to hear our own inner guidance over the roaring motor of our chattery brains.

What I've also come to know for myself, is that each time I'm able to listen to my own inner wisdom, it somehow seems to get stronger and louder. Like a muscle that you train at the gym - over time it can become a sleek, powerful, efficient tool. Same goes for the inner voice.

So now when I walk down the street, and I get the feeling to pick up a piece of paper or candy wrapper, I just do it. And not to save the environment or to be a good person. But just because it FEELS good to listen to this inner wisdom. I hurt myself when I don't follow my own rules.

Just the other day, I was running a bit late for a lunch date. I passed a woman on the street who reached out and asked me for some money so she could feed her little boy. Being late for my appointment, and definitely not in my body, I acknowledged her but kept walking quickly to my appointment. But even over my stress about being late, I could feel that very familiar feeling in my gut - telling me loud and clear to stop for a moment and share what I had with this woman. There was no denying the message. As I continued down the street my stomach clenched, and I knew I'd gone against my own wisdom. And NOT because I have a belief that I need to save this woman, or help every homeless person. It has nothing to do with that. But has EVERYTHING to do with trusting and following my own internal directions. I do these things because it makes me FEEL good. And life goes smoothly when I do so.

When I got to the end of the block, I stopped. I dug through my purse and pulled out ever bill I had with me. I clenched them in my fist and turned around to give what I had to the woman and child. But it was too late... they were no where to be seen. I'd missed my chance. They were long gone. And I've felt rather icky about that situation ever since.

Sometimes when we don't act immediately when there's the impulse to do so, opportunities fade. Getting good at listening to your instincts and taking action can make you very fluid, agile and abundant, not to mention just feeling so gosh-darn good!

It makes life quite simple, actually. All I do now is follow directions. I wait for the little whisper, and then take action. I've found that's literally all I have to do. Every detail of my life is taken care of for me. I just have to show up and do what I'm told. Sound a bit weird? I can understand why - we've been trained to control our environments, make things happen, push forward and pave our own paths. But I've found that by "following directions", I get even better results than anything my ego could dictate. There's a more brilliant plan laid out for me than I could ever hope to come up with. I'm not that smart - I'm definitely not God.

I'll readily admit that I'm not perfect at this yet. I don't do this all the time (as I shared above). But boy, I suffer when I don't. I must admit, I'm quite enjoying trusting that the Universe will provide. It's comforting, and the results couldn't be more spectacular, in my experience.

So where can you fine-tune your instincts? Where can you take a few steps towards listening to your guy feelings?

• Picking up trash?
• Making a phone call when someone pops into your mind?
• Turning left, instead of right? (or vice versa, of course!)
• Taking a course in something totally unrelated to your field / following a new life path or passion?
• Saying something kind to someone or giving a hand when you get the urge to do so?
• Changing your schedule if some other task or errand comes to mind?
• And any of a million other things your mind can whisper to you!

Life can be quite magical when we just show up and follow directions. Report back your results — I'd love to hear your inspiring stories! You may only be left with the thought "Boy, why didn't anybody tell me it was this easy when I was a kid?!"

Happy "Listening"!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

The fact is, that to do anything in the world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in and scramble through as well as we can.
—Robert Cushing

Don't Major in Minors

I'm friends with a spit-fire named Michelle. Just the other day she turned to me during our ritual Monday evening spinning class, and said "You know Steph, I just can't major in minors anymore!" and then went back to her biking.

Michelle, being famous for zippy one-liners like this, made a very good point. How many of us stress out about small things all the time? How many of us are burning up so much adrenaline on the small stuff, that we have little left for the situations or events that might need a bit more attention or care? How many of us have lost our ability to see our lives clearly and have started seeing the littlest things as raging forest fires? I know I can do this at times. I imagine many of you are nodding your heads along with me...

So what do we do about this? After a while, our focus on the negative can become a bit of a bad habit. Like an old man who's walked the same narrow path through a field 100 times a day for 80 years, the path can get worn so deep that he's up to his eyeballs in dirt. Sometimes it's tough to even remind himself of the beauty of that field just above his head. How many of us have become this old man with the habits and patterns in our own lives?

I find that in those moments when I'm "majoring in minors", taking a good deep cleansing breath and releasing it with a sigh does wonders for clearing the body's energy, and rebooting our internal program. When we have more time, sitting and enjoying any number of self-reflective activities can help get underneath the issue to find the belief at the root of it all. "The Work" of Byron Katie is of course my favorite practice, but journaling, meditating, or talking it through with a friend can also be of huge benefit. Once we shine the ol' mental flashlight on those limiting beliefs, they disappear, never to return. Like Byron Katie loves to say, it's like realizing that a snake lying in front of you is actually just a rope. Once you realize it's a rope, you can never be afraid of it again.

In the college of life, what will YOU major in today? The choice is up to you...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Careful or Anal-Retentive?

Which Cup of Chi do YOU drink from?

I see lots of interesting things happening in the spiritual community. And I run into some pretty strange things within the Feng Shui world especially.

So often I'm asked the questions, "Is this bad feng shui?", "Is it ok to put this here?", "Did I do this right?"... Fear. Fear. And a little more fear on top of that.

There is a huge difference between being aware, and being fearful; in being careful (full of care) and being anal retentive; meticulous vs. obsessive-compulsive; clean vs. germaphobe. I think you get my drift.

One way you know you might be off-balance is if you feel stress, discomfort, frustration, contraction or physical tightness when you're doing something. When you feel these sensations, you may be falling into the "fearful" category. If you feel aware, present and balanced, then you're most likely on the right track.

And keep in mind, two people could do the exact same behavior, yet one is coming from a place of peace and the other from a place of contraction. One person could be meticulously Zen about the tender love and care they give their kitchen cleaning, while another does the same exact behavior, stemming instead from nervousness and control.

We're all aiming for balance on some level in our life. If we become too rigid in one area, we become brittle. And we all know what happens to brittle things when they get hit with the unexpected! The results ain't pretty. To be peaceful is to be flexible. When we can bend with life, we're free. When we can flow like a stream, around the curves and with the tide, we feel relaxed, calm and loving. When we contract and try swimming against the flow, life become hard. And it's not a whole heck of a lot of fun.

Name an area where you're contracted and rigid... Write it down (and trust me, you're in good company: 99.9% of the population of the globe is completely anal about something).

It could anything that creates stress, such as:
• Fear of germs or disease
• Anxiety around making a mistake in Feng Shui
• Nervous around breaking any sort of daily or regular ritual
• Being overly meticulous about cleaning
• Terror about doing something wrong
• Being a perfectionist from fear of rejection
• Needing to look a certain way
• Avoiding relationships or friends in order to prevent your behavior-feather's from getting ruffled

When you've come clean on your own anal-retentive qualities, write down one small thing you could do this week that would be a stretch for you. How could you find more flexibility and peace around this topic?

Now comes the really fun part: TAKE ACTION.

Talk's just talk. Theory's just theory. Get out of your head (the thing that got you into this mess in the first place) and into your body, into the "now". Move, risk and contort those habits of yours like a bendy little Yoga master. Jump headfirst into the stream and let the current take you. There's no need to fight. There's nothing to push against. Everything is on your side. Trust, trust, trust....

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Loving What's Moi

I've been given a blog-challenge by a good friend, Carol Skolnick (www.soulsurgery.blogspot.com). I was asked to name five things I love about myself, write it in my blog, and pass the challenge along to all of YOU!

How many of you were taught never to speak highly of yourself? Were you told to be "humble", play small and keep your head down? How often do we get to compliment ourselves, boast our talents and sing our own praises? Often times, when people have voiced their own self-love, they've been condemned for being selfish or an ego-maniac. Other times folks who are outspoken about themselves were putting themselves above others in the same breath. It is possible to love yourself madly, and still be on a level playing field with your fellow man. You can think you're the cat's meow, and at the same time think the same of everyone else. So let's break this cycle of keeping ourselves small. Let's all sing our own praises -- we're all special, we're all beautiful and we're all worthy of our own tender admiration. Here's the place, and now's the time.

Please join me in this little game... When you've finished reading this, please send your own personal answers to stephanie@evolvingarts.com and I'll be glad to post your writings (with or without your name attached), or simple fill in your answers under "comments" below. We all need a little practice and reminder of our own self worth... So let the games begin!

Reasons that I love being Stephanie:

1. I love my tenaciousness.

I'll go for things, no matter how big. I'm willing to take great leaps of faith, even though I'm scared. I'll take on huge projects (tv shows) and barrel forward without looking back. I can be a tough cookie. I can be bold and brave. I adore unraveling myself, redesigning my life, embracing new information, and continually transforming my environment. I love change, I embrace the future, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to manifest a life that I love. I love that about me.

2. I love my compassion and empathy.

Since I was little, I was aware that I could easily put myself into anyone else's shoes... the bully, the loner, the "nerd"... The handicapped, the outcasts, even criminals, murders, orphans, minorities. People who were depressed, angry, confused, bitter, ashamed... You name it, I could somehow relate or understand how they felt what they felt, or did what they did. And I've yet to meet a human being that I couldn't understand and love. Not one. I love that about me.

3. I love my willingness to take hard, honest looks at myself and admit my weaknesses.

I'm pretty darn good about owning my "stuff". I know the quirks I have, I know my weaknesses. And I'll admit them to just about anybody. I'll readily admit that at moments in my life I have stolen, lied, hurt people, acted phony, led people on, played it safe, hated myself, been ashamed of my actions, been unbearably self conscious, am a loner, don't care for people sometimes, struggle with my relationship to food, manipulated people, hate my body, and the list goes on and on and on... Now sometimes this fearless inventory of myself doesn't necessarily mean that I change my behaviors, but I'll admit my weaknesses none the less. I love that about me.

4. I love that I have an amazing artistic eye.

I'm a great artist. I've got a damn good eye when it comes to art, design, interior spaces, sculpture, photography, sewing, etc. I'm a wonderful painter, with a style unlike anyone elses. I can easily do any artform that is visual. It just comes naturally to me. I SEE things differently than most and I like this special skill. It brings me lots of joy -- most everything in my life revolves around making things beautiful. I love that about me.

5. I love how intuitive I am, and how well I can read and understand people instantly.

Tuning into people is one of my strongest strengths. I can crawl into people's skin, figure out what makes them tick. I know how to make them feel comfortable or at ease, or can physically feel where their life is off and needs rebalancing. I can hear where people are stuck in their lives. I can tell where their issues are. I'm super sensitive to body language, and I take pride in how accurate and quick I've become at this skill over the years. I love that about me.

Now...what do YOU love about yourself?

(Thanks Carol! You're so inspiring... I love that about YOU!)

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us."
—Helen Keller

Finding Strength in Weakness

I cry a lot. I never thought of myself as a crier, but I've found that it's pretty easy to get the face-faucet flowing now-a-days... I also ask for help now. I love help. It's new to me, but I'm starting to quite enjoy it.

I've gone through a lot of things in my life. Plenty of struggles. Lots of depression. Buckets of low-self esteem. You name it, I can relate. But I've come to realize over these many years that I had something completely backwards. I had it ALL wrong when it came to being "strong".

I used to pretend that nothing could touch me. You could spit in my face and I could stand before you with a grin. I faked "togetherness". I acted the part of the "tough girl" quite well. But underneath it all, I was terrified. And the stronger my outer shell, the squishier the emotions underneath.

So I suppose I've become stronger as the years click by. I'm not afraid to be wrong, to be rejected, to be criticized. You see, the more I've learned and the stronger I've become, the less I worry what others think. I'm fine if people say I'm ugly, stupid, naive, fat, or untalented. For the most part, I've come to embrace all the different nuances about myself, and can basically find the truth in any condemnation or praise. It's all me, and I embrace ever adorable cell of the package I've been given.

So I ask you, do you want to live a life for others approval, or will you be brave enough to live inside this skin of yours solely for your own integrity, love and compassion? Are you strong enough to fall apart today? Are you brave enough to ask for a hand? Are you man enough to show us who you really are?

Funny thing is, the less you pretend, the more we'll end up loving you in the long run — who you REALLY are, not you bad impersonation. Funny how that works...

(Need a tissue?)

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds."
—Albert Einstein

Honoring the King

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true." —Martin Luther King, Jr.

It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day, so I wanted to reflect on his life and teachings just a little bit today...

I want to first make a request.

Stop for a moment this week to notice something. Notice the subtety in which we judge, separate and segregate ourselves from one another. Not only on the level of race, but in all other areas where we separate from our fellow human being. Get clear and honest about your internal workings. Don't judge them, but be compassionate and tender with yourself. We all have judgements, we all separate ourselves from one another. Although it's only in the awareness of our behavior that we get the opportunity to make a change. We get the chance to love people around us a bit more deeply. We get to see beauty in those that we might have previously overlooked.

Look for judgements this week. Look for your own prejudices. Just notice them, study yourself, and become aware.

Who do you judge, even on subtle levels?
• African Americans?
• People with disabilities?
• Elderly people?
• Overweight people?
• People of the opposite sex?
• Homosexuals?
• Teenagers?
• Blondes?
• Minimum wage workers?
• Famous people?
• Men?
• Women?

What subtle stories arise throughout your day that takes you away from loving someone? Talking to someone? Smiling at someone?

I've had many humbling moments in my life that have taught me some great lessons. What you see on the outside — the wrinkles on a face, the color of the skin, the accent of one's voice, or the money in a person's pocket — often rarely dictates what resides on the inside.

I had an Algerian boyfriend who was working at a fast food restaurant, only to realize that he'd been a doctor in his home country and was only here to support his family. I have the most lovely African-American man who delivers my groceries along with his son, both of whom run businesses on the side and are some of the brightest, most personable, politically aware folks I come in contact with. I had a good friend who was deaf and homeless, and he happens to give the best bear-hugs on the planet. I have a 96 year old friend who's bound to a wheelchair, but is quick as a whip, has lived the most amazing life and is fully self-supportive. I have a sister with Down's Syndrome who is one of the funniest and most perceptive people you'd ever want to meet. And I have the sweetest boyfriend who looks like he jumped right out of an 80's hard rock video, yet has been a practicing lawyer for the past 12 years.

So walk down the street tomorrow...

Listen to the stories in your mind as the rainbow of humans cross your path...
Feel the closeness to some.
And the distance with others.

What are the stories? Are they even true? How could you love someone just a little bit more today? How could you become a little more compassionate?

Smile at a homeless person. Compliment a stranger. Pay for someone else's bill at a restaurant. Hold the door. Make a call. Take some time. TAKE AN ACTION!

Do you want more love in your life? Then go out and give it. BE the love you want to see in the world.

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Be the change you want to see in the world." —Gandhi

Pack Rat Feng Shui

I've got a dear friend who's a pack rat (to put it nicely). He saves everything, has the most "creative" way of storing his many collections, and defines organization as simply the piling and stacking of objects. He could obviously use a bit of good ol' Feng Shui 101.

This friend is also in a huge life transition, changing careers and coasts as he moves out west to sunny CA. But as I watch him pack up his things, rummaging through old letters, boxes, clothes and memorabilia, I can feel the old energy. It's palpable, heavy, and weighing him down. And a move across country seems far less daunting than staying to tend to the build-up of "stuff".

I work with LOTS of pack rats, and was a former pack rat myself. And I see the lack of awareness in so many clients in terms of the effect our "stuff" has on our life. When we surround ourselves with memories from stressful times, or from a past that was less-than-prosperous, these items chatter away at us from their individual stack, box, pile or closet. They each have voices, telling a story from a time gone by. I often ask my clients to hold each and every one of their belongings, then ask themselves if these items actually represent who they imagine themselves to be in the future. If the answer is a resounding "YES!" and inspires them forward, fantastic! And if it's holding them back, then it might be time to take a look at the deeper reasons we hold on so tightly.

Is it guilt, fear, scarcity or pain that's underneath our pack rat piles? Very often times, yes. When people talk to me of who they aspire to become in the next 2-5 years, rarely does the love note from the ex who broke their heart an uplifting object. Nor is the depressing painting from Aunt Berta that you keep out of sheer guilt. Pain is pain. Guilt is guilt. Hold onto these things as long as you like — all I ask is that you admit that you are, in fact, a glutton for punishment.

But sometimes it's simply one's fear of moving forward into the unknown that keeps the knuckles white - terror about living fully in the present, and horror about trusting that the future might actually be a safe place to visit. Then there are some pack rats that just like to hold onto every memory that comes along, and the thought of letting go of those physical reminders might as well be the same as asking them whether lighting their house on fire would be acceptable. It's no light matter. This is an internal battle of Pack-Rat life or death. Trust me when I say I've gotten some EXTREMELY strong responses to the whole "toss" topic.

When I look around at the folks I know who are the movers and shakers—the ones blazing trails—they rarely fit into the pack rat category. And when I take a look at the folks who have stayed in one place for far too long (so often because of free or rent controlled housing situations), there's much less movin' and far less shakin'. This discount-living tends to keep people from moving forward, taking risks and living BIG, afraid to lose the "great deal" they've found. I can't begin to express how many EXTREME pack rats are living in these scenarios, and their lives tend to change as quickly as the Chi moves through these jam-packed homes: SLOWLY.

Ask yourself whether you're a pack rat or not.
Ask yourself if you think this is serving you or your life.
And see if there's just one thing you can let go of today to help lighten your load.

Stagnant energy at home = stagnant energy in your life
Organized, lighter living = openness to opportunities, people and things

If there's no room in your home, there's rarely room in your life for wonderful new experiences to come in.

Try it on for size. Throw things out, hold a garage sale, give objects away, or put it all in storage. If in a year you don't feel radically different (and for the better), then give me a call. I'll gladly treat you to dinner and apologize for leading you astray....

But until then, Pack Up, or Pack Rat? Which will you choose?

The Magic of Manifesting

I've been studying the art of manifesting for over a decade now. It's become the new spiritual buzzword since the smash-hit movie "The Secret" has made unprecedented word-of-mouth impact as it's been spreading like wildfire throughout the country (www.thesecret.tv).

If you're unfamiliar with the term "manifesting", this is my basic definition: What you think about, you bring about into existence. Basically, your thoughts become things. Period.

Now I realize to some of you that this sounds just like positive-thinking mumbo-jumbo. And years ago I would have thought the same thing myself, being raised in a rather skeptical household. But after applying very specific thinking, feelings and actions in my life, the wildest of miracles have been taking place. By doing very specific and focused "meditations", I've landed a tv show, met my wonderful boyfriend, and have magically manifested objects, help, money and miracles at every turn. And all of these in lightning speed, if you can believe it.

When you think about what you desire, as if it's already come into your life, and FEEL the sensations, joy, exhileration, or excitement around already HAVING it, then it's as if you become a giant manifesting-magnet. You instantly tune yourself into all things floating in that realm of existence. Situations, people and objects gravitate to you like steel to a magnet. It's simple, if you know the rules.

We also magnetize not-so-great experiences into our life in the exact same manner. When we think about something negative, we become a Negative-Attracting Magnet. Negative people, things and experiences come flying in from every direction to glom onto your life.

The thing that I find most fascinating is my most often-asked question: "But there's no way this manifesting-business is true! I DO want more [fill in the blank]! And I focus on it all the time just like you said. But it never, EVER happens..." (I love peoples' honesty.)

But when I probe beneath the surface and hear their stories, I see a common undercurrent. Yes, they're right in that they THINK they are focusing on what they want. But in reality, and in every instance, they are actually focusing on the what they don't want instead — the lack of the desired "thing". Wanting for something is far, far different than experiencing the expectation or belief as if it's already been achieved. Wanting something just tells the world you don't have it, and you turn into a magnet for someone who "doesn't have" what they want. It draws the exact opposite of your desires to you, and many spend their entire lives not knowing this simple fact.

Do you want more money, but in actuality spend more time thinking about your credit card debt, how much things cost, the late rent payment, or the rising gas prices? By saying "I wish I were out of debt", your unconscious mind is focused on your debt. Your statement is pointing a direct arrow to the topic of "debt". And what you think about becomes reality. Think of how many people you know pay off their credit cards onto to have they maxed out again in no time. A more helpful way to live in financial abundance would be to focus on the amazing abundance already in their life. Revel in all the support from the world, even if it's just the roof over your head, food that you have to eat. And if you can stretch yourself, imagine yourself living where you'd love to live, driving the car you'd love to drive, wearing the clothes you'd love to wear. What does it feel like to live in this manner? How do you FEEL in the car, in the clothes, in the home, being loved, being adored? The feeling aspect of manifesting is the real key. It's the final ingredient in the potion that really brings out all the magic...

Try on the following statements. See them, feel them, picture the details as if they already exist:

• "I'm always organized, prompt and prepared for all situations" (instead of "I'm instead of "I don't want to be late for work")

• "I'm healthy and have lots of energy" (instead of "I don't want to be sick and feel tired anymore")

• "I'm thin, strong, and sexy" (instead of "I don't want to be fat")

• "I have money come effortlessly into my life" (rather than "I want more more money")

• "I am in a passionate, fulfilling, committed relationship" (rather than "I want to find a good man")

Is this all making sense? Are things becoming a bit clearer? Are you seeing how you create all the good and the not-so-good in your life?

Be who you want to become. See life through the eyes of those you admire. Live as you hope to live. It's then that your dreams will start becoming more than just dreams. Reality, my friend. They will become your reality.

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Men spend their lives in anticipations,--in determining to be vastly happy at some period when they have time. But the present time has one advantage over every other--it is our own. Past opportunities are gone, future have not come. We may lay in a stock of pleasures, as we would lay in a stock of wine; but if we defer the tasting of them too long, we shall find that both are soured by age."
—Charles Caleb Colton

Chi-Upper...

Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances. —Benjamin Franklin

Chi-Upper...

“Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning.” —Mahatma Gandhi

Riding the Rollercoaster of Life

I've often wondered how the world works. And from my past 20+ years of contemplation with little tangible info to show for it, I may very well never know. But being an artist at heart, I always get the same distinct image when I imagine the inner workings of the Universe:

Life as a roller coaster. An ever-unfolding amusement ride—all the bumps, curves, turns and twists all laid out before us. But the real question is, how are you going to take the trip?

I've watched a lot of people in my life. And I've come to the conclusion that there are two distinct personality types: the "White-Knucklers" and the "Hands-Uppers". The Hands-Uppers are a colorful lot, riding through life with the wind in their hair, smiles on their faces, and arms stretched to the sky. The White-Knucklers are a bit different, though. They've got a death-grip on the safety bar of life, and are unfortunately puking on themselves at every turn... It's the same track, the same ride, yet some people take the trip much differently than others. Fear. It's a funny what it'll do to ya...

So how does fear take the fun out of YOUR ride? What one thing could you do in this moment that would get your hands up off the safety bar?

White-Knuckler, or Hands-Upper— which one will you be today?

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"The Work always leaves you with less of a story. Who would you be without your story? You never know until you inquire. There is no story that is you or that leads to you. Every story leads away from you. Turn it around; undo it. You are what exists before all stories. You are what remains when the story is understood." —Byron Katie

Katie's new book, A Thousand Names for Joy, connects the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching with The Work and is a portrait of the awakened mind in action. It is now available for pre-order via Amazon.com, and will be available February 6, wherever books are sold.

For more information about "The Work" go to www.thework.org.

What You See is What You Get

Call me crazy, but I believe that thoughts are real. There's a sort of energetic substance to them that I can't quite grasp with my human mind, but I know it's there. And I believe our thoughts about others carry weight - more than we'd care to realize, as has been my experience.

I remember a long time ago, a mentor of mine was talking to me about her daughter. She said she was watching her get out of the bathtub and had the thought that her daughter was too fat. In that moment she had a powerful realization, and said "I don't want to give her that gift anymore". She saw that she was adding to her daughter's burden, and my friend saw in that moment the very real, tangible effects her judgements.

I see it much like playing a sport. And our thoughts are the ball. So ask yourself, are our thoughts being gladly caught by the recipient? Or are you pelting them mercilessly? Just because your judgements don't come out of your mouth, they are very likely still being felt by the receiver. I became aware of this reality when a close friend was always getting frustrated with me for one thing or another. I could physically feel when she was upset with me, sometimes it would hit me out of the blue like a punch in the gut, and I knew somehow I was back on her shit-list. That experience taught me everything about the power and substance of our thoughts...

Think of people in your life. Whether it's the super-shy co-worker that may have unusual interpersonal skills, or the raging boss who lashes out randomly, or the homeless woman in your neighborhood, or your spouse who won't help with the dishes... Next time you have a judgement, picture that ball. Are they wanting to play? Are they appreciating what you're tossing their way? Or are you tossing rocks instead, adding to their already-challenged lives? What thoughts could you give them instead that might lift them up? What ball could you toss their way that they'd be thrilled to catch?

I've noticed that when I've thought wonderful things about people, I get people acting wonderfully all through my life. And when I've expected the worst from people, I've gotten that very thing in return. I've stood in front of people who saw nothing but the beauty and perfection in me, and in those moments, I was transformed and capable of things beyond my imagination. I've also stood before people who've condemned me, and felt that heavy burden too. We're much, much more powerful than we could ever realize.

So often I've met people who are struggling (whether in depression and hopelessness, or in rage and anger) who have fallen into deeply engrained patterns - everyone in their life now seesing them in a certain, limited light. This can be energetically challenging (to put it lightly) to the receiver, making change feel next-to-impossible. With each judgement tossed out, a greater burden they get to carry.

So stop for a moment the next time you make a judgement. Very likely the person you're judging is having a much harder time than you. So try being empathetic, strong, and compassionate. See what kinds of reactions you get... You may be pleasantly surprised!

Finishing What You Start

I have a funny little habit. I hate to finish washing the dishes. Mind you, the washing of them I still haven't full embraced -- but it's more the FINISHING of the dishes that I resist the most. I've been noticing this silly little urge to walk away with only three forks left in the sink, one lone coffee mug, or 3 empty cans of cat food.

I've thought about this tonight. And I've taken a look around the rest of my life to see where discomfort arises when it comes to "finishing" things. Just this evening I put to bed two huge projects. Complete. Done. Over. Ta-da! The incredible sense of accomplishment in putting these things to bed was well worth the challenges it took to finish them by their deadlines.

So, if I'm feeling so good about finishing these projects, where does the internal struggle come from in other areas of my life regarding the completion of things? What's scary about closing those little open loops? What little self-sabotage might be lurking in order to keep my brain futzing and stressing about all these unfinished tasks surrounding me?

Call the bank...return the phone call...back up the computer...cancel the subscription...learn the new software program...prepare the taxes...

[If you happen to be one of those people who finishes everything, right out of the starting gate, then feel free to skip to the next entry.]

A wise friend Jackie taught me long ago the connection between having a peaceful mind and finishing open loops. Each unfinished task creates chatty mental noise until its completion. When nothing is being avoided, and everything is in it's place, there's the most incredible sense of quiet inside.

In this moment, when I sit honestly with myself, I'll admit there is a part of me that's afraid of peace. Real, profound peace. It's that part of me that has always known stress of some variety or another, and would like to keep it that way for familiarity's sake. Yes, yes, I know... my brain tells me "That's crazy! Of COURSE you want peace!", but my gut and my heart tell a very different tale. I know stress - it's been my buddy for a long, long time. I know how it works. I know the rules. Peace on the other hand is an unknown universe. An appealing one from the outside, mind you. But a foreign land, none-the-less.

How many of us know what true, extended peace of mind is like? How many role models have we had in our lifetime to teach us how? For most of us, never.

So tomorrow, I'm going to explore moving into the unknown a bit more. Sinking in a bit deeper. Take the risk to experience a bit of stillness... Try on a little peace of mind. And finish up some things I've been putting off for far too long. Simply because it will feel so wonderful to have done so.

Feel like joining me in the experiment? What open loops do you have in your life? List 3 things that you've been avoiding, that could make a big impact in your life (or in your mind) if they were completed.

OK, let's get to work!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction." — Albert Einstein

There's a Little Good And Bad in Everyone

I was thinking today about my dark side. I was telling some girlfriends a humbling story of a past relationship and the rather embarrassing behavior I had secretly tolerated.

That conversation got me looking back over my life and seeing all the energy I've put into alleviating or hiding those shameful parts of myself. I remember thinking when I was younger that if I could just somehow get rid of the "less than enlightened" bits, then everything would be ok. And so I set out on a path to tear out, remove, stomp on and squash to bits the little devil that resides inside.

But through that process, over the many, many years, I've also started to appreciate and honor my "dark side". I've realized that the self-abuse and self-hatred that I inflicted did nothing to remove this, but only added more self-imposed abuse and hatred.

We all, every last one of us, have the opposites living within us. The Yin and the Yang, if you will. As "good" as I am, I'm equally bad at times. As funny as I am, I'm equally serious. As beautiful as I can be, I can be downright ugly too. I've stopped trying to get rid of parts of myself, and try more and more now to embrace these little inner characters. I've got a whole parade of different personalities within this person they call "Stephanie". I've found that the more compassionate I am with all aspects of myself — the good, the bad and the ugly — the quieter many of those sneaky little voices have gotten. The more I'm willing to acknowledge my darkness, the more light shines in.

Where can you shine some light, love and compassion on yourself today?
What parts of your secret-self do you have a hard time embracing?
What tender thing could you do for yourself today that would show yourself that you're on your own side?

Just a thought...

Devilishly yours (wink-wink),

Stephanie

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"The best way out is always through."
Robert Frost

LIFE'S SHORT: Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

One of my favorite books is "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" by Susan Jeffers. This book made a big impact in my life over the past many, many years.

So many of us want something different than what we have. We want to break free, try new things, expand ourselves, and take greater risks. But I often find, even with myself, that it's the discomfort and fear around the unknown that keeps us frozen into place. The anxiety arises, we feel a little queasy, and tuck our heads right back into the sand.

I think there's a very old biological response happening here. And it's a good thing. Our bodies are always sensing if we're safe and are doing the best to protect us at all times. When the fear response kicks in, the adrenalin starts to pump, our bodies think that our lives are at stake. So our stubbornness to change is an understandable outcome.

But knowing this, and knowing (at least in our rational minds) that branching out into unknown territory isn't going to kill us, perhaps we can stretch ourselves a bit farther in 2007 than we'd ever dreamed possible.

Take my life for example. Most of you know that I am currently hosting a new show with HGTV (airing in Summer 2007). And many of you know that I have never EVER done any acting. Nothing. Nada. Zip-o. So if you think I wasn't shakin' in my boots at the thought of being on television, well you're sadly mistaken. But over the years I had come to know even more strongly that I would be just fine, and that my fears were in no way a reality. Standing in front of a camera, speaking about what I love, would very likely not kill me. The very worst thing that could happen is that they might not think I was right for tv, and they would cancel the project. BEST case, I would have my own TV show!... Well, there wasn't much question as to what my answer would be, and the risk to jump headlong into this challenge is obviously paying off in the most miraculous ways.

Last year, around this very same time (when I first met my lovely producer Amelia), I asked myself some deep and serious questions...

When I'm on my death bed:
• What do I want to look back and see that I had done?
• Do I want to know that I risked it all, made a difference, and lived fearlessly?
• Do I want to look back and wonder what my life could have been if I'd moved into, instead of away from, my challenges?

Ask yourself: Are your fears a reality? Are the things you're nervous about doing REALLY so scary if you look at them from a neutral, God's-eye perspective? Are you fulfilled in your life? If not, what baby step could you take this week, however small, that would be a movement forward?

Keep in mind, the physical response to fear, and excitement, are the same. They feel the same. Perhaps try on a different "story" about your situation... Perhaps you're just "excited" about something, rather than fearful. Restating my beliefs in this way has helped me through many challenging situations.

1. Write down a fear that YOU have.
2. Write down one thing you could do this week to push through this fear.
3. Share your actions in the "Comments" section (at the end of this article).

Your story may very likely inspire someone else to take a risk as well!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Chi-Upper...

"No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars or sailed an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit." -- Helen Keller

Are YOU in Season?

I got an email from my dear friend Pam this afternoon... She knows me extremely well. And knows my extreme nature.

She so wisely said, "friendly reminder - make sure you're taking some down time to recharge—especially now as it's the winter months where we should be a bit slower so we don't burn out come spring, but rather spring to life!"

Yes, this week I've pulled some pretty long hours, and burned the midnight oil more times than I care to admit. But I can feel a quiet little whisper from inside my cells. They want a slower pace, more late mornings, warm, heavy, grounding foods and a more introspective approach to life.

Living in this modern, industrialized world where our environments are climate-controlled, our foods are shipped from around the planet, and technology allows us to work anywhere, anytime, it's quite easy to get unplugged from the natural rhythm of nature. It's only been in the past 60 or so years that our biochemistry has been subjected to an onslaught of unnatural influences, and sometimes it can be refreshing to take a nice big step back and take a look at our lives from a biological, rather than intellectual, perspective.

If our schedules, careers and obligations were of no consequence, how do you imagine your body would enjoy spending the winter months? The spring? And the summer? How about the fall? Do you think your body would enjoy heavier foods or lighter foods this season? How much sleep is your body wanting? What colors feel the best to wear? How could you make small changes to better accommodate these inner urges?

It may be a foreign concept for you to think about the "energy" of a season, or a food, or a color. It was for me as well... But I've come to see a real and profound connection here. We consume the energy around us, literally and figuratively.

Are you full of nervous energy, and walking around like a chicken without a head? Perhaps cutting back on your chicken consumption for a few weeks, and adding more beef or root vegetables would be an interesting experiment... Are you feeling sluggish, lifeless and "blah"? Perhaps some spicy foods, lemon water and bright green leafy veggies would put a spring back in your step...

Also consider changing your bedding with the seasons, or liven things up by moving the furniture each time the leaves change a new color... Tune in to that small (and oh-so-wise) inner voice that knows exactly what's best for you at any given time.

This week I plan to:
• get 9 hours sleep each night
• make a rich, hearty soup for my dinners
• start my mornings slower—with a warm cup of tea, my journal and some quality cat-time

What 1 change could you make this week to help you honor yourself this winter season? Put your hand on your gut... Ask yourself from a deep inner place what it is that you need in this moment.

Trust yourself. Be gentle with yourself. In the stillness of your mind, you have all the answers...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

There's Always Two Sides on the Coin of Life

I found out this morning that my boyfriend is moving back to San Diego next week. Even though I'd discussed this with him several times, seeing the airline confirmation really kicked in the fact that the move is real, and is no longer just theory.

As many of you can imagine, I was hit with a variety of emotions, and have spent much of the morning in tears. As I was walking back from the gym this morning and arrived at the front stoop of my apartment building, I ran into my neighbor, Nancy. Like a little stoop-angel, she gave me several big bear hugs as I sobbed like a baby over my boyfriend's upcoming move.

For the first time in the 14+ years I've lived in my building, this lovely woman opened up and shared her beliefs about God with me. She told me that in times like this she always prays. She asks for support and wisdom. And she asks that she be shown the blessings in her life that she might be missing.

Her words really spoke to a deeper part of me - the part that is always aware of this truth of those words. As we talked, I could so clearly see and feel the duality of my situation. Even as I cried, I was profoundly aware that there was another reality, another perspective, another side of the coin, that was yearning to be discovered and acknowledged.

In every situation, we have a choice as to which side we look at. It's really all up to me, and can be as simple as the toss of a coin... I can choose to focus on my boyfriend's departure, or on the fact that I have a wonderful man in my life who absolutely adores me. I can focus on my credit card debt, or on the unbelievable abundance that continues to flow into my life, in little and big ways. I can focus on the 10 lbs I'd like to lose, or on the fact that I'm alive, breathing, and have the gift of the energy to type these words.

What stories are you telling yourself? What would the opposite side of that coin look and sound like?

Today, write down 3 beliefs that are holding you down. Then write down the flip-side of the situation, even if you might have a hard time seeing or believing it to be true. This practice of "flipping the coin" helps to break the patterns of negative thinking that get deeply engrained into our psyches. Help your brain rewire, and start retraining those more positive brain synapses to take hold and take charge of your thinking and your life!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

The Rubber Band Approach to Enlightenment

There's a belief I have... It was taught to me by my first and most significant mentor. It's the belief that our lives are made up of only 3 things:

1. Our bodies
2. Our minds or belief systems
3. Our physical environment

Through her teaching, I've come to clearly see that these three areas of life are dynamically interconnected. If a change is made to any one of these areas, then the other two areas must follow accordingly. Like a rubber band being pulled outward in one direction, the tension of the movement creates energy that naturally forces the rest of the band to come along for the ride! And as we too well know, if we don't allow the rubber band to move naturally with that movement and tension, it eventually snaps back with a regretful sting and a even louder "OUCH!"

Think of someone who's lost lots of weight: this shift to their physical body most always generates a positive shift in their beliefs about themselves, and quite often an upgrade in their living environment.

And consider someone who's had a profound experience where their beliefs are forever changed... Quite often these people then begin cherishing their bodies, and appreciating their external world in a whole new way.

Or what about someone who goes from poverty to living a life of opulence? It so often is followed by heightened feelings of entitlement, abundance and joy, and once again a deeper appreciating for their health and well being.

This is exactly why I find Feng Shui such a profoundly powerful art. It can be challenging sometimes to make changes in our belief systems. We all know this... Especially when it comes to deeply rooted or long-held beliefs. And quite often it can be challenging to change our health, eating or exercise habits. But through Feng Shui and the art of spatial enhancement, simply a change of furniture, color, and beauty in our surroundings can give a huge yank to our spiritual rubber bands. It can catapult us into places we only dreamed to travel. I'm a living example of this very concept....

So think twice when rearranging your living room, or clearing out a closet. You may be making a change that's much, much deeper than you'll ever know.

Ready...aim...FIRE!

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Using Stress as a Motivator

Hosting a TV show is a lot of work. My to-do list is longer than I care to admit. So today as I settled myself back into work after breaking for the holidays, the circuits in my brain started to pop, sizzle and smoke. This feeling of overload is familiar to me. But after so many years of observing the mechanism of stress, I realize that it's an unnecessary emotion. It sure doesn't feel unnecessary when I experience it, but I catch it quicker and quicker these days. Stress is simply a choice, and often an ingrained behavior. The more times we can stop, breath, and switch our gears out of the stress-filled stories racing through our minds, the more centered, focused and productive we become.

In the slow-motion observation of myself today, I saw the following thoughts:
• I'll never get this all done
• There's not enough time in the day
• My workload is never ending
• I could work and work and work without breaks, and still never get caught up!

As I caught these limiting thoughts -- which do nothing but give me brain-fog, scattered thinking and frenzied action -- I took a deep breath, came back to my myself, my inner stillness, and realized from that peaceful place that my life is indeed short. Every moment is precious. No matter what the project, tv show or not, I want to be present in my life, enjoying every chore, check-list and challenge. Without a belief, every action is exactly the same. Every experience is vivid, fullfilling and alive. As Byron Katie often says, without an internal story, we spend our lives either sitting, standing, or lying down. Nothing more is possible, ever.

So what will you do with your experiences today of sitting, standing, and lying down? What stories will you tell about it all? Will you give yourself peace, or stress? It's really up to you...

©2007 Stephanie McWilliams

Lighten Up in 2007

Today I spent several hours sorting through my clothes, organizing closets, and getting things ready to take to the Salvation Army. I want to lighten my load this year, in all areas of my life. And as a Feng Shui practitioner, I obviously have a strong belief that within my very own home lies a powerful tool, and lightening up at home is the perfect symbol and catalyst to make some pretty profound and spectacular changes.

After looking around today, it astounds me how much "stuff" I've collected over this past year. It seems as if every time I turn around more and more things are coming INTO my home, but rarely are equal amounts LEAVING. I've definitely seen a direct correlation between how much I own, and how much leisure time I have. It's seeming more and more as if my things are owning me, instead of the other way around.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about where I want my life to go these coming years. I love to imagine what kind of space the "future me" would like to have... How many clothes would she hold onto? How would her filing cabinets be organized? How would she need her junk drawer to feel? How would her front hall closet be streamlined to allow her the structure and beauty to carry her forward?

This forward-thinking mentality is an important key to my own personal Feng Shui. I've reaped huge benefits from having my home be a step or two (or three!) ahead of me, so that I'm constantly being inspired forward into my future. With the habits that we all have ingrained into our daily thinking, activities and environment, it can be challenging to make lasting changes. And if we happen to be experiencing (or simply just desiring) great changes in our lives, but our spaces still speak to who we WERE, then very likely our homes can slowly but surely pull us back to exactly where we were before our brave changes or hopes were made.

Cleaning and clearing. It's a simple thing, but a powerful thing none-the-less. And we all know that changes, especially to our belief systems, can be challenging. So why not start instead by clearing out a closet instead? Why not throw out things you haven't used in over a year or two? Why not create a stunningly beautiful junk drawer? Worst-case, you've at least surrounded yourself with a bit more beauty. And best-case, you've given yourself a wonderful gift and lightened your load just a little bit more...

When we lighten our loads, the greater our wings can spread. And the higher we can fly...

Ok, are you ready? It's time for lift-off!

© 2007 Stephanie McWilliams